Military to Civilian Life: Some Things I Found Out the Hard Way

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Abstract

r non-military civilians, think again. I’d ask your next corporate employer what characteristics they assume when they interview prior military members. It’ll astound you.</p><h2 id="a3b8">2. I worked much harder than other people</h2><p id="35f6">As a personal trainer, I worked mornings, evenings, and anytime they needed me for my first job. Literally any time they requested a session. I thought little of it, but many of my personal trainer coworkers thought I was insane staying in the gym from 6am-10pm (if needed). I quickly realized that the motto “whatever it takes” isn’t as common. So those motivational YouTube videos you watch of people working 18 hours a day? Yeah, that’s the 0.0001%. Most are lazy, like REALLY lazy (spare me, I’m still working on point #1).</p><p id="cbf5">I am not tooting my horn here. As a military member (at least most of them), you work until the job is done. No questions asked. You strive to go above and beyond in everything you do. You volunteer, go to school, work 50–60 hours a week, and maintain a family life (sort of). Now, I still work long hours, whether buying and selling sports cards, going to school, being a dad, or writing this excerpt on my Medium page.</p><h2 id="7a4f">3. Relationships in the military are much stronger than in the civilian sector.</h2><p id="0b1a">Civilians go to work and go home. There is no sense of brother/sisterhood, which was sad to me. Everyone got along in the civilian organizations I worked for, but there wasn’t anything after the day. This was the greatest “shock therapy” to me.</p><p id="c033">Military members work and semi-live with their coworkers. Until I was a Staff Sergeant, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t with another person. I did everything with them, whether it be eating at the chow hall or working out in the gym. We were never separated.</p><h2 id="c621">4. I swore WAY too much, and it needed to stop.</h2><p id="c4e1">I

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f you are working as a civilian, you need to have an internal spam filter. You cannot blurt out a swear every other word. In the military, especially enlisted personnel, it wasn’t frowned upon. But on the civilian side, talking to your VP, swearing like a sailor, doesn’t work. Yes, I learned that the hard way. It’s a conscious effort to stop swearing, but it pays dividends.</p><p id="48e7">I know there are studies out there that state that people that swear are smarter, blah blah blah. Welp, I’m here to say that I guess I’m on the stupider side, and I’m okay with that. I noticed that no swearing cleared my mind in the long run, so I’d recommend trying it out. It may save you from a C-Suite leader telling you to learn to communicate with less vulgar.</p><h2 id="4f7d">5. Be open with someone; it’s okay to be vulnerable.</h2><p id="9165">This “machismo” attitude that people in the military personified is bad for mental health. It took me years to find out that it’s okay to find help if you need it. After countless conversations with my wife (bless her soul for sticking with me), I sought help from a psychologist. All I’d say is that you are not alone.</p><p id="0d57">You don’t need to talk about your hardships with everyone, but you should have someone you trust enough to bring your guard down. Heck, I couldn’t even talk to my wife about half the stuff I felt was weighing me down. After about 9 months of help, I felt better. Like a new man, basically. Please seek help if you think you might have PTSD or want to have someone to talk to.</p><p id="08eb">I wouldn’t change anything about my experiences. It made me who I am today, but I hope to help someone who may be a little uneasy with the idea of separating (or retiring) from the service. For those who read this, thank you for your service. You deserve you have a fruitful professional career and have done what many will not do. Godspeed.</p></article></body>

Military to Civilian Life: Some Things I Found Out the Hard Way

I was just a little ol’ Tech Sergeant (E6) when I separated, but I learned some key lessons through experience when I transitioned into the civilian world. I hope that my pieces of advice help those that are separating soon, or are having trouble with the transition. So learn from my bad decisions and encounters when I moved into the civilian sector.

1. I was a jerk, so I needed to fix that.

There is a difference between straight-forward and downright mean. I thought that being direct would take me far in the civilian sector. The “shut up, and color” method doesn’t work unless you are with service members. I had a very understanding supervisor that worked with me on this, and I thank him for his patience. I remember telling someone, “too bad, deal with it,” when she asked me to put the volume down on my speaker (I was doing a personal training session for a group of people). Not only was I out of line, but I thought it was okay to be like that. Shame on me.

If you are a recently separated veteran, I’d recommend finding a mentor to help you with effective communication. It’ll help you realize that the way we talk while serving differs vastly from how we should be talking. Be direct, but also listen to other's perspectives; it’ll take you far. If you think you aren’t different from other non-military civilians, think again. I’d ask your next corporate employer what characteristics they assume when they interview prior military members. It’ll astound you.

2. I worked much harder than other people

As a personal trainer, I worked mornings, evenings, and anytime they needed me for my first job. Literally any time they requested a session. I thought little of it, but many of my personal trainer coworkers thought I was insane staying in the gym from 6am-10pm (if needed). I quickly realized that the motto “whatever it takes” isn’t as common. So those motivational YouTube videos you watch of people working 18 hours a day? Yeah, that’s the 0.0001%. Most are lazy, like REALLY lazy (spare me, I’m still working on point #1).

I am not tooting my horn here. As a military member (at least most of them), you work until the job is done. No questions asked. You strive to go above and beyond in everything you do. You volunteer, go to school, work 50–60 hours a week, and maintain a family life (sort of). Now, I still work long hours, whether buying and selling sports cards, going to school, being a dad, or writing this excerpt on my Medium page.

3. Relationships in the military are much stronger than in the civilian sector.

Civilians go to work and go home. There is no sense of brother/sisterhood, which was sad to me. Everyone got along in the civilian organizations I worked for, but there wasn’t anything after the day. This was the greatest “shock therapy” to me.

Military members work and semi-live with their coworkers. Until I was a Staff Sergeant, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t with another person. I did everything with them, whether it be eating at the chow hall or working out in the gym. We were never separated.

4. I swore WAY too much, and it needed to stop.

If you are working as a civilian, you need to have an internal spam filter. You cannot blurt out a swear every other word. In the military, especially enlisted personnel, it wasn’t frowned upon. But on the civilian side, talking to your VP, swearing like a sailor, doesn’t work. Yes, I learned that the hard way. It’s a conscious effort to stop swearing, but it pays dividends.

I know there are studies out there that state that people that swear are smarter, blah blah blah. Welp, I’m here to say that I guess I’m on the stupider side, and I’m okay with that. I noticed that no swearing cleared my mind in the long run, so I’d recommend trying it out. It may save you from a C-Suite leader telling you to learn to communicate with less vulgar.

5. Be open with someone; it’s okay to be vulnerable.

This “machismo” attitude that people in the military personified is bad for mental health. It took me years to find out that it’s okay to find help if you need it. After countless conversations with my wife (bless her soul for sticking with me), I sought help from a psychologist. All I’d say is that you are not alone.

You don’t need to talk about your hardships with everyone, but you should have someone you trust enough to bring your guard down. Heck, I couldn’t even talk to my wife about half the stuff I felt was weighing me down. After about 9 months of help, I felt better. Like a new man, basically. Please seek help if you think you might have PTSD or want to have someone to talk to.

I wouldn’t change anything about my experiences. It made me who I am today, but I hope to help someone who may be a little uneasy with the idea of separating (or retiring) from the service. For those who read this, thank you for your service. You deserve you have a fruitful professional career and have done what many will not do. Godspeed.