Mighty Mead, the Oldest Alcohol on Earth
Is it strong? Is it tasty? Will it destroy my brain? Yes. Yes. Maybe.
Trigger: This whole article is about alcohol.
I mean, any alcohol can destroy your brain if you abuse it. You could kill yourself with water, for that matter. It’s called “water intoxication” and can be fatal. Moderation, my glorious humans!
I was reading about beer and it got me thinking about mead. I’m a history nut and always thought mead was a beer. It's different from beer, but they both depend on the magic of fermentation.
Fermentation is more magical even than hyperlinks. Evidence of its use goes back to 10,000 BCE when the milk of camels, goats, sheep, and cattle was accidentally fermented due to the heat. Wah-lah! Yogurt! At least, I hope it was yogurt and not just nasty spoilt milk.
I love fermentation because of SCIENCE! ALCHEMY! (Alchemy is an ancient branch of philosophy, a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination.) and it plays a part in the production of mead.
I always assumed mead was a UK invention, or perhaps the Vikings. However, the first evidence of mead is from Northern China around 6500 BCE. The Scots jumped on the Mead Wagon around 2800–1800 BCE. If there was honey, people made mead.
It was drunk by the gods and goddesses of Greece, and it was around in Roman times.
Hey! This is cool. I just read that “honeymoon” comes from a Norse word, “hjunottsmanathr.” Say that three times fast. It looks way harder than saying “toy boat” three times fast. Ok! Everyone try it! Hjunottsmanathr! Hjunottsmanathr! Hjunottsmanathr! Now, compare it with “toy boat.” Let me know how you did. If you ask me, “toy boat” is harder.
So, back in the olden days in Scandinavia, newlywed couples got a supply of mead that would last them the whole month. Hjunottsamnathr translates to “honey month.” You’re welcome.
Mead is fermented honey, water, and yeast. That’s it. But you can toss in spices, fruits, grains, and hops. Also, SAVE THE BEES🐝. It seems simple enough, but you need practically hospital standards of cleanliness to do it. Or the obsessive of Joan Crawford. She was pretty picky about cleaning. If the wrong bacteria, cat hair, dust, Uncle Larry’s underpants from 1977, or whatever lurks in your basement mead-producing factory gets into your fermenting honey, it could all go south. You could probably have made mead in Miss Crawford’s tub. It would have been THAT clean!
Here’s a minute of Faye Dunaway as Miss Crawford in Mommie Dearest being mad at dirt.
I think she could have used some mead.
There was this guy. He was a celtic chieftan back in 600BCE, name of Hochdorf. When he died, he had a very elaborate burial. Everything he needed for his afterlife and lots of gold. So, of course, he had a cauldron of mead.
It would have contained 110 US gal (400 L) of mead of which traces were found. There was also cannabis and hemp in his richly appointed grave. Hochdorf knew how to party.
Mead is supposed to taste like a marriage between wine and beer. It’s a bit stronger than beer with an ABV between 5–20%.
The Personal Story Paragraph.
When I was teen in Colorado, you could buy 3.2 beer at 18. But I didn’t bother with it. Back in those days I was on the straight and narrow. I remember kids in Jr. High bragging about their weekends saying things like, “I was SO wasted!” or “It felt like my head was going to explode!” I’m a very literal person so I couldn’t understand why those would be good things. Plus, my best friend at the time was a Mormon — a pretty strict Mormon. I didn’t really hang out with the “hoods” as they were called. I did envy their rebellious nature though. I even tried to schedule the tee-peeing of a house. If you don’t know, you drape toilet paper (TP) all over the front yard of a targeted house. I thought that might give me some street cred, but I totally chickened out. 🧻 I’m glad I didn’t do it — it looks like a pain to clean up. Especially if it’s a misty night. Also, I never did get any street cred.
End of Personal Story.
One thing I like about mead is that is usually gluten-free. Sometimes barley malt is used, so if you can’t have gluten, but want to try some, ask first.
A while back there were around a dozen meaderies, but from 2011 to 2014 there was a 130% jump in sales and these days there are 500 U.S. meaderies. That 130% jump can’t all be gluten-free people!
Mead has rich history and it can be enjoyed by gluten-free people like me! I wonder if that would give me street cred. Do I even want street cred? I’m not sure anymore.
It’s being made right in my neighborhood in the Pacific NW. I like the name as my ancestry is Scandanavian and Northern Irish. I like to think there’s Viking blood coursing through my veins. Maybe I’ll scout this out, maybe I won’t. If you do, please drink it responsibly. But be sure to shout out a hearty “Skål!” for your toast.
Mark Budweiser is the inspiration for this tome. He writes marvelous articles about beer. The latest story I read of his was a particularly lovely ode to the golden liquid so many love. Look at me using hyperlinks! If you tap on that underlined bit, it’ll take you right to his story. Isn’t that cool? But be sure to come back.
Another shout-out to Boysie Gordon for telling me about hyperlinks.
Thanks so much for dropping by! See you around Medium!
Here’s some links.