Mid Term Report

Summary

Gutbloom and Pee Wee are attempting to improve the recipe for steaming lobsters and discussing the financial challenges of their publishing venture on Medium, despite Charles VanNess's concerns about the unpopularity of their content and the potential closure of the business.

Abstract

In a candid conversation at the Mill's canteen, Gutbloom and his assistant Pee Wee are experimenting with a new method of steaming lobsters, which Gutbloom believes will be enhanced by higher stove heat. Charles VanNess interrupts their culinary endeavor to question the purpose of their "How the Sausage is Made" posts on Medium, citing their lack of reader appeal and the financial strain they're putting on the company. The dialogue reveals past publishing blunders, such as the ill-fated deluxe edition of Uncle Remus stories, which attracted negative attention from the Southern Poverty Law Center. Despite VanNess's warnings about the company's dwindling funds and the need for fiscal responsibility, Gutbloom advocates for spending the remaining money on a lavish launch party to boost their popularity and numbers on Medium, dismissing VanNess's more pragmatic approach to salvaging the business.

Opinions

Gutbloom believes that increasing the stove heat will improve the lobster steaming process, disregarding Pee Wee's engineering expertise.
Charles VanNess is critical of the "How the Sausage is Made" posts, stating they are unpopular and do not generate revenue.
Gutbloom is unapologetic about past publishing decisions, such as the Uncle Remus stories, despite their negative impact.
VanNess is concerned about the company's financial health, pointing out the lack of profitability and the risk of running out of money by August.
Gutbloom suggests that spending money on a launch party is a viable strategy to increase their visibility and success on Medium, while VanNess disagrees and prefers to update his LinkedIn profile, indicating a lack of faith in Gutbloom's plan.

Mid Term Report

Pee Wee, my flunky, and I were in the canteen at the Mill testing out a new recipe for steaming lobsters. You might think that there is no way to improve on steaming lobsters. Pee Wee would agree with you, but it is my conviction that if you turn the heat on the stove up higher the steam gets hotter. Pee Wee, who has some kind of engineering degree from KAIST, gets really upset when I try to explain simple things like this to him.

We were dropping the lobsters into the pot when Charles VanNess came in. This is how the conversation went.

Charles VanNess: Why are you doing this?

Gutbloom: Because this is the best way to cook lobster. Pee Wee, add the salt, it will make the steam even hotter!

Charles VanNess: No, why are you doing another one of the “How the Sausage is Made” posts. These things are recommendation dead zones. Nobody likes them, or even reads them.

Gutbloom: If we worried about what people liked, we never would have published the deluxe edition of the Uncle Remus stories.

Charles VanNess: That not only lost a lot of money, it also led to all of our publications being tracked by the Southern Poverty Law Center. It was like the Confederate Flag of children’s books.

Gutbloom: Well, we didn’t know that when we started did we? Who could have guessed what they were talking about when they said “tar baby”. *drops lobsters into the pot… there is a high pitched siren sound*.

Charles VanNess: That’s really sick. Why do you have to drop them in alive?

Gutbloom: Because they taste better that way. Don’t worry, they can’t feel it, they don’t even have brains. Lobsters just have ganglions of nerves.

Charles VanNess: Then why are they trying to crawl out of the pot?

Gutbloom: *pushing lobsters down with a spoon and placing the lid on the pot* Instinct.

Charles VanNess: They’re crawling out of the saltwater into the air out of instinct?

Gutbloom: Many instincts are self-destructive. Take my addictions to mayonnaise, pornography, and Medium, for example.

Charles VanNess: I’d rather not. Besides, we should talk about the numbers.

Gutbloom: I’d rather not.

PeeWee: Don’t worry, Charles, it won’t hurt him. He only has a ganglion of nerves.

Charles VanNess: If you look at our expenditures and revenue for the Medium project, you can see that we’re not going to even make it through August. Last time we met, you said mocking the Russians would get a lot of views, but the response was underwhelming.

Gutbloom: How was I to know that Medium was the one place on the Internet that had fewer Russians than a Latvian wedding?

Charles VanNess: We are running out of money and may have to shut down soon.

Gutbloom: So, we still have some money?

Charles VanNess: A little, yes.

Gutbloom: Then we should spend it!

Charles VanNess: No.

Gutbloom: We should have a party!

Charles VanNess: No, no.

Gutbloom: Sometimes you have to spend a little to earn a lot.

Charles VanNess: We’ve already been spending a lot and have earned next to nothing.

Gutbloom: We’ve been spending on the wrong things… research, writers, copy-editors.

Charles VanNess: Copy editors?

Gutbloom: Well, the Grammarly subscription, but whatever. We’ve been spending wrong. We should be spending on promotion. A party… a launch party! We should spend the rest of the money on a launch party!

Charles VanNess: What are you going to launch?

Gutbloom: Who the fuck cares? The important thing is that we will invite everyone on Medium. They’ll “follow” us because we will be the new hotness. Our numbers will go through the roof!

Charles VanNess: If you need me, I’ll be updating my LinkedIn profile.

Gutbloom: Are the lobsters ready yet, Pee Wee?

Pee Wee: Not yet.

Gutbloom: See, I told you the burner wasn’t high enough.