Michael & Amigos II: NFL Wild Card Round — Part 1/5

Welcome to season No. 2 of my annual series, “Michael & Amigos”!

Although humor and parenting are genres that cover 90 percent of my articles on Medium, I had started on this platform as a sportswriter. Not a surprise since I have loved to watch NFL football, NBA basketball, and MLB baseball since childhood. In fact, I occasionally write pieces about my favorite sport teams: the Las Vegas Raiders, Golden State Warriors, and Oakland Athletics.

As you have probably guessed, I am excited about the upcoming NFL playoffs scheduled to start this weekend. But working as a writer can be lonely sometimes. After all, I spend large parts of my days alone, analyzing my own ideas, thoughts, and opinions, and then piecing them into articles.

Thus, I have asked three amigos, or friends, to join me in this series. Like me, they are big NFL fans and have deep knowledge of the game of football. They are also excited to return to the Medium universe for a second time.

Hence, please welcome back Ashley F., Brian C., and my brother, J.C. Chevy C. sadly cannot join us this season due to work obligations. His NFL insights and energetic personality will certainly be missed.

The four of us will try to predict the final outcome of each NFL playoff game. We also plan to discuss everything related to the league, from players to play-calling strategies to controversies. Most importantly, we want to make this project as fun as possible not only for ourselves, but also for you — our loyal readers and fellow football fans!

Without further ado, these are our predictions for the NFL Wild Card round, starting with mine:

• Cleveland Browns vs. Houston Texans: Browns quarterback Joe Flacco’s comeback tour this season continues with a victory against the Texans. Quarterback C.J. Stroud has had an amazing rookie season for the Texans, completing 319 of 499 passes for 4,108 yards and 23 touchdowns. He is a future star but no match (yet) for a former Super Bowl champion like Flacco. Browns win
• Miami Dolphins vs. Kansas City Chiefs: Chiefs have played terribly the second half of the season, losing five of their past 10 games. Yet, as defending Super Bowl champions, they still have the tenacity and experience to beat the up-and-coming Dolphins. Quarterback Tua Tagovailoa of the Dolphins is a talented leader and his chance to earn a Super Bowl ring is likely to come— but not now. Chiefs win
• Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Buffalo Bills: Steelers had struggled early in the season but have improved since benching quarterback Kenny Pickett for Mason Rudolph. But they are still the AFC’s weakest link, and the Bills should have little trouble winning this matchup. Expect quarterback Josh Allen and the Bills to score early and often. Bills win
• Green Bay Packers vs. Dallas Cowboys: As Dak Prescott reaches the back half of his football career, his time to win a Super Bowl for the Cowboys is now, now, and now. That should be enough motivation for the 30-year-old ex-Pro Bowler to lead his team past the Packers. Expect the high-powered Cowboys to light up the score board with running back Tony Pollard and wide receiver CeeDee Lamb. Cowboys win
• Los Angeles Rams vs. Detroit Lions: Lions head coach Dan Campbell is not the most experienced or polished leader. But the former NFL tight end has succeeded at motivating his team to win with grit and determination. Expect this one to be a low-scoring affair but the Lions should power past the mediocre Rams. Lions win
• Philadelphia Eagles vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Like the Chiefs, the Eagles have struggled on the field as of late. But this young team led by quarterback Jalen Hurts has the postseason experience to win under less-than-ideal circumstances. The resurrection of quarterback Baker Mayfield’s career has been amazing to witness but expect him and the Buccaneers to come up short. Eagles win

Ashley F.

• Browns vs. Texans: In 2022, the Browns traded for the Texans quarterback and signed him to a record deal. The Texans would then go on to win just three games and draft another quarterback with the second-overall pick. Now, that pick — rookie C.J. Stroud — and the Texans, who are AFC South division champions this season, take on the Browns and 38-year-old quarterback Joe Flacco. Wait, what? Yup. Flacco joined the Browns in mid-December, their fifth quarterback to start a game this year. This a close one, and while the Texans have a bright future ahead, the experience of Flacco, wide receiver Amari Cooper, and tight end David Njoku lead the Dawg Pound to victory. Browns win
• Dolphins vs. Chiefs: Wide receiver Tyreek Hill was drafted by the Chiefs in 2016. The next year, the Chiefs drafted quarterback Patrick Mahomes with the 10th-overall pick. In 58 games together, the duo would combine for 331 catches for 4,638 yards and 46 touchdowns. Oh, and they led the Chiefs to victory in Super Bowl LIV. Now, the defending-champion Chiefs open the playoffs against Hill and the Dolphins. Wait, what? Yup. Hill is now teamed up with quarterback Tua Tagovailoa in Miami. Mahomes misses Hill as his new wide receivers have been a weak spot this year to say the least. However, the Dolphins will miss the heat of South Beach as they come to Kansas City to play in one of the coldest NFL games ever. The Chiefs will make (Taylor) “Swift” work of the Dolphins and win this one. Chiefs win
• Steelers vs. Bills: A week ago, the Steelers needed to win and get help to make the playoffs. Meanwhile the Bills went down to Miami and won their fourth-consecutive division title. As the calendar turns to January, the Christmas season is over for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and after this weekend, the NFL season will be over for Mason Rudolph and the Steelers. Quarterback Josh Allen, wide receiver Stefon Diggs, and the Bills are undefeated since their week 13 bye and the streak continues into the playoffs. Bills win
• Packers vs. Cowboys: In 2011, Mike McCarthy led the Packers to victory in Super Bowl XLV. The Packers would (quarterback Jordan) Love to add a fifth Lombardi Trophy to their collection this year. First up for the Packers is a trip to “Jerry’s world” to take on the Cowboys, who are ironically now coached by McCarthy. Wait, what? Yup. Coming off their third-straight 12-win season and second division title in three years, the Cowboys look to win their sixth Lombardi Trophy. As impressive as Love has looked for the Packers down the stretch, their offense can’t keep up with quarterback Dak Prescott, wide receiver CeeDee Lamb, and the ‘boys. Cowboys win
• Rams vs. Lions: Quarterback Mathew Stafford was selected first overall by the Lions in 2009. Meanwhile, quarterback Jared Goff was selected first overall by the Rams in 2016. Fast forward to today and Detroit is hosting its first home playoff game in 30 years as Stafford leads the visiting Rams into Detroit to face Goff and the Lions. Wait, what? Yup. The Lions traded Stafford to the Rams for Goff in 2021. Will it be a happy homecoming for Stafford? Unlikely. Despite the efforts of Rams’ rookie sensation, wide receiver Puka Nacua, Stafford won’t have enough to keep up with running back Jahmyr Gibbs, wide receiver Amon-Ra St. Brown, and Goff. Lions win
• Eagles vs. Buccaneers: The Eagles, the defending NFC champions, began the season with high hopes of returning to the Super Bowl. After a 10–1 start to the season, it looked like the Eagles would be the team to beat and favorites to win it all. Now the Eagles enter the playoffs with more questions and doubts than anyone else and are at risk of having their season end Monday night. Wait, what? Yup. The Eagles went on to lose five of the final six games, including blowout losses to two NFC rivals — the San Francisco 49ers and Cowboys — that cost them the top seed in the conference and divisional crown, respectively. Instead of resting at home this weekend, the Eagles fly south for the winter to take on the Buccaneers, winners of Super Bowl LV. The Buccaneers clinched their third-straight NFC South division title this year and look to make the Eagles walk the plank to end their season. The Eagles have too much talent with quarterback Jalen Hurts (if he’s not hurt), wide receiver A.J. Brown (if he plays), and running back D’Andre Swift (if he’s not out sick) to beat a surprising quarterback Baker Mayfield-led Buccaneers squad. Eagles win … I think?

Brian C.

• Browns vs. Texans: We start with a rematch of week 15, although the Texans were without quarterback C.J. Stroud for that match. After winning the AFC South division despite being one of the worst teams last year, it feels like the Texans are playing with house money. They are going against a Browns team that, after a whirlwind season of plugging in numerous players due to a slew of injuries, sports the top-ranked defense (Texans are 14th) as well as having a major experience advantage with quarterback Joe Flacco playing like his MVP days. Granted, the Texans do have the advantage in turnover differential (+10 to the Browns -9) and Flacco has thrown eight interceptions in five games. I like Stroud but also feel the Browns’ defense will just be too much for the Texans to overcome. Browns win
• Dolphins vs. Chiefs: For two teams known for incredible offensive firepower, this one feels like a low-scoring affair. On paper, the Dolphins should win this game. They have the top-rated offense (Chiefs are ranked ninth), while the Chiefs’ wide receivers seem to have replaced their hands with cinderblocks. No other team has had as many bad drops as the Chiefs. The Dolphins also have the advantage in turnovers (+2 to the Chiefs’ -11). Yet, the Dolphins seem to be falling apart at the worst possible time. The potential injuries of skilled players like running back Raheem Mostert as well as receivers Jalen Waddle and Tyreek Hill loom large for this game, not to mention the loss of defensive end Bradley Chubb, which could be crucial with regard to pressuring quarterback Patrick Mahomes. Add to the fact the weather is supposed to be six degrees Fahrenheit with a possible snowstorm, and we could have a defensive battle on our hands, which would give the Chiefs (who own the second-best defense) a big advantage. Expect Mahomes to do just enough to claim the victory. Chiefs win
• Steelers vs. Bills: Possibly the most lopsided matchup of the weekend, the Bills have been on a roll since starting 6–6 and have a significant advantage on offense (fourth to the Steelers’ 25th) and defense (ninth vs the Steelers’ 21st). Steelers have been better since switching quarterbacks to Mason Rudolph, but it feels like they’ve been winning with smoke and mirrors. The only major concern with the Bills is they turn the ball over way too much, with quarterback Josh Allen being second in the league in turnovers. Plus, even though they’ve been winning, the Bills do have a tendency to play down to competition — after all, they had barely squeaked past the Los Angeles Chargers and New England Patriots. Considering this is another game where weather may be a factor, I think the Bills will still win, but it’ll be much closer than it should be. Bills win
• Packers vs. Cowboys: The Packers, like the Texans, are a team playing with house money but also playing a much better team in the Cowboys who have all the pressure on them. The Cowboys have the better offense (fifth vs. 11th) with a great combo of quarterback Dak Prescott and wide receiver CeeDee Lamb, though the Packers have a great, young receiving core and quarterback Jordan Love is playing like the franchise leader the Packers was hoping he would be. But where the Cowboys really have the edge is their fifth-ranked defense vs. the Packers’ much-maligned 17th. The Cowboys should be able to exert pressure and control the clock with their run game, as the Packers are dreadful against the run. The only thing that gives me pause about the Cowboys is they are the second-most penalized team, and head coach Mike McCarthy’s questionable clock management, but I don’t think it’ll cost them this week. Cowboys win
• Rams vs. Lions: O-o-oh, the rare double-revenge game, as both quarterbacks (Jared Goff of the Lions and Matthew Stafford of the Rams) will play against the teams that not only drafted them but traded them for each other. Both teams have great offenses, particularly in the passing game, which is compacted by the fact neither side has a good pass defense, so a shootout should be expected. But the Lions have a better running game and the second-best run defense, which could both allow them to bleed the clock but also make the Rams fairly one-dimensional. Granted, Rams head coach Sean McVay will have the experience advantage, and there are times when I think Lions head coach Dan Campbell gets too aggressive for his own good, but I think the Lions will end their playoff victory drought. Lions win
• Eagles vs. Buccaneers: Let’s see — an underwhelming NFC South team vs. an underperforming NFC East team. Wait, didn’t we do this match up last year? (Scriptwriters are getting lazy, I swear.) In all fairness, this one is a little hard as both teams are equal in terms of passing (both are middle of the pack) and pass defense (both are dreadful). The Eagles have the better running game, but the Buccaneers are better at stopping the run. So why the Buccaneers? Two reasons. First, the Buccaneers have a significant advantage in turnover differential (+8 to the Eagles -9). Second, like the Dolphins, the Eagles look like they’re falling apart at the worst time, limping into the playoffs with a 1–5 record after starting 10–1. With a mercurial quarterback Baker Mayfield looking to play spoiler, I think underrated wide receiver Mike Evans has a field day. Buccaneers win

J.C.

• Browns vs. Texans: Browns quarterback Joe Flacco should be named comeback player of the year. He’s taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. Plus, as the saying goes, defense wins games. Browns win
• Dolphins vs. Chiefs: Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes has been sucking, but it’s the playoffs. Dolphins quarterback Tua Tagovailoa should take his pants down and see if he’s man enough to win in cold weather. Chiefs win
• Steelers vs. Bills: Really, Steelers? What a garbage-ass team. Bills win
• Packers vs. Cowboys: Can Packers quarterback Jordan Love really win a playoff game? No fucking way in the next five seasons. Cowboys win
• Rams vs. Lions: Lions defense looks too good. Aiden Hutchinson for the Lions is a bad-ass rookie defensive end who can develop into another “Mad” Maxx Crosby of the Las Vegas Raiders. Once again, defense wins games. Lions win
• Eagles vs. Buccaneers: If the real Eagles show up and quarterback Jalen Hurts plays like he is getting paid to do with his fat-ass contract, then this game is no contest. Really, do the Bucs expect to win with stupid-ass Baker Mayfield at the helm? No way. Eagles win

That’s all, folks! Please join us again next week when we try to predict the outcome of the NFL Divisional round games. Until then — take care, enjoy, and go football!