#MeToo has Made Me Realize I Tolerated a lot of Misogynistic Crap

At the time, it was just the way it was

I came of age in the 70s. That makes me a bonafide Baby Boomer. I consider myself a lucky Baby Boomer as I’m retired and living a nice life in sunny Southern California.

I spent the majority of my life and my career in a small community in Ohio. I loved Ohio then and I still love it today.

I was a young adult when I became aware of “Women’s Lib.” Women’s Lib is short for Women’s Liberation. The first thing I remember with Women’s Lib was about birth control. The Pill.

With the Pill, it was — in an unspoken way — okay for women to have premarital sex. Of course, it had always been okay for men. Makes you wonder who they were having premarital sex with if unmarried women weren’t “allowed” to partake.

I remember my Mom telling me about pleading with the Priest to allow her to “practice birth control” after six kids. His response was to continue using the rhythm method. She was angry and felt her rights were being violated. They were.

My first job was as a waitress in a small cafe. I was 15 or 16. The job was fun and I made decent tips. A fellow waitress, only a couple of years older than me, explained I could up my tips if I flirted with the male customers. I had no idea how to flirt, but if it meant bigger tips I was game.

I don’t remember ever getting good at flirting, but when my rear end got “playfully” smacked by a male customer that was the end of my flirting. I went to my boss, an older woman (probably my current age) named Cora, she laughed and told me to get over it — it was just part of the job.

Over the years, and throughout an array of jobs, I experienced a variety of encounters that, by today’s standards, would be unacceptable. Truth be told, they were unacceptable back then too, I just didn’t know it.

Here are a few examples: an arm around my waist as I’m been “taught” something standing at the register; a vendor pressing his crotch against my side while talking to me whenever he caught me sitting at my desk; my car blocked in the parking lot by a guy wanting to share a beer in his back seat. That one scared me. Lots of hugs without permission, legs pressed against mine under the table, casual brushes against all parts of my body, and, of course, an entire litany of comments ranging from suggestive compliments to out-and-out propositions.

That was the norm in my world, and not to speak for other women of my era, I know I can’t be the only one.

On the severity scale, none of these things were life-threatening or job threatening. What was threatened was my self-esteem and my overall sense of personal safety.

After my initial complaint as a teen to my boss at the cafe, I made several more formal complaints, in different jobs, even at one point contacting a lawyer. None of it went anywhere.

I’m not proud to admit it but eventually, I resigned myself to the ‘that’s just the way it is’ mode of the day. Looking back, I wish I’d been more willing to make waves.

I don’t want to give the impression that my career was an endless stream of misogynistic crap. It definitely wasn’t. I worked with and for many respectful men, more respectful men than disrespectful men by far. It’s the excusing of disrespect that has to stop. Actions have consequences.

We all need to do better in how we treat each other regardless of our gender or other differences, whatever they may be. I’m full of respect and admiration for the women who are speaking out today.

I stand with you. #MeToo.