A rare serious conversation with a funny girl
Men’s Mental Health Needs More Attention
You’re not soft, you’re human.
Yesterday my son had senior pictures taken, and we had a rare two hours together with no other kids around. It was nice. On the drive home, I looked at his steering wheel, which looked battered all to hell.
I asked, “How many times have you beat the shit out of that thing?”
All the time. Pretty sure I almost broke it once, and I definitely broke my horn.
I then asked, “Why do you have to beat stuff up when you’re pissed, or sad? Why don’t you cry or talk to me? Or whoever?”
Because that’s not what guys do, mom, we deal with it.
That bothered me. It shouldn’t be like that. So many men believe they don’t have a choice but to be “tough.” They don’t think it’s okay to show emotion or share how they feel, and that breaks my heart. What are they living with and stuffing deep down daily? And what does that do to a man…or a seventeen-year-old kid?
I (shamefully) passed the blame at first. I said, “Well, that’s Jason’s fault then (stepdad). He should have recognized this earlier and taught you that you can express emotion and feeling, and it doesn’t make you a wimp.”
It’s not his fault.
“Fine. Then it’s my fault. My job as your mother was to earn your trust and be there for you when you need to open up about feelings, and to ensure you are emotionally healthy.”
It’s not your fault, either. I spent my life getting my ass verbally kicked by my dad and being told not to be a girl if I was hurt or sad. That’s how he raised me when I was at his house.
I let this sink in for a bit. I just wanted to cry for my son and all the other men who were taught not to show feelings like sorrow, joy, or excitement. They are humans who hurt, bleed, and suffer like the rest of us.
I turned to him as we pulled up in the driveway, and I said,
“Your mental health is important. Your feelings mean something. We need to fix this and flip the expectations for a man. We can raise better men if we teach them to show feelings like pain, love, and everything in between — instead of bottling it all.”
His response was beautiful.
Thanks, mom. I’ve been reading about it recently, and I think people are starting to wake up.
We left it at that because he has the attention span of a gnat, but it was a good conversation. And look. I don’t want to take anything away from what it is to be a man. It’s in a man’s genetics to show that tough, rugged exterior. I get that, and I even understand it. Men take on so much though, and hiding your feelings can lead to anxiety, depression, and much worse.
I hope men can begin to understand that being that shoulder to lean on doesn’t mean that you don’t need a shoulder sometimes as well.
We discuss women’s mental health so much. It’s important, and it’s been overlooked far too often. But we don’t always realize that it’s the same for men. Nobody wants to talk about it yet.
Let’s fix that.
There’s been a steady increase in suicide among men recently.
In 2020, the suicide rate in males was four times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 49% of the population, but 80% of the suicides. Scary numbers. Suicide Data and Statistics | Suicide | CDC
You can read a little more here: Suicide in Men: Causes, Signs, and Intervention (psychcentral.com)
Mental health and suicide hotlines:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1–800–273–8255
Crisis Text Line: Text Hello to 741741
YouthLine: Text teen2teen to 839863, or call 1–877–968–8491
The Trevor Project: 1–866–488–7386 or text START to 678678 (for the LGBTQIA+ community)
Trans Lifeline: 1–877–565–8860
Please, please, pay attention to your sons, cousins, brothers, friends, and husbands. In turn, they’ll learn how to better watch out for you too. We can save so many lives.
Agree? Disagree? Let me know your thoughts!
❤ — GC