FREE THE NIPS

Men Have Stepped on My Nipples

Yes, they stick out that far

I had cute, perky little breasts until I got pregnant at age 40. Then I had capital-letter Breasts for the first time in my life.

The nipples, though, have always been — and continue to be — perky.

My nipples greet everybody and every situation with extreme perkiness.

“Hi there! Glad to see you. Isn’t life great? Let’s hang out!”

They are in a constant state of excitement. Apologies to my lovers who thought that my lovely projectile nipples were only responding specifically to you.

I went braless from my twenties until I started breastfeeding at 41. I went braless under my second wedding gown in my thirties.

The perky breasts with perky nipples looked just fine without a bra, although I did sometimes have to resort to an undershirt or band-aids over those pesky, perky nipples.

In my mid-thirties I began studying Aikido, a martial art that involves throwing and pinning opponents. What a thrill to counter the attack of a large man and throw him, or hold him on the floor in a pin. When people asked me what I did to handle stress from my work as a therapist, I answered,

“I throw big guys around three times a week.”

In the dojo, we wear jackets that are thick cotton with quilting. Jackets that help cushion the hits and falls. Underneath, men and most women wear t-shirts. Some women wear a sports bra.

Since I was braless other places and times, I was braless under my t-shirt and jacket in Aikido class.

The first time it happened I was in shock. I attacked a guy, he got me on the floor in a joint lock — and in the process — stepped on my nipple. Actually, he STOOD on my nipple.

What’s a good martial artist to do? Do I tap him on the foot and say,

“Pardon me, your foot seems to have trapped my nipple. Could you kindly take a step back? Thanks ever so.”

There is no crying in martial arts. There’s yelling, but usually only when attacking. It’s called a Kehai.

There was no precedent for what to do when your nipple gets stepped on.

I took in a sharp breath, and waited for the Sensai to tell us to go to the next attack and defense.

I’d like to tell you I learned my lesson, but it happened a couple more times before I decided to wear a sports bra AND a t-shirt under my jacket to class. The girls felt bound, but the nipples felt snug and safe.

It didn’t stop them from being their forward-facing, enthusiastic selves. They were still happy to see everybody in the dojo. They just greeted them from the safety of being compressed into their cushy breast home by the shield of a sports bra.

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