Men From Mars, Women from Venus. So Why Does Pluto Feel Like Home?

A little bit of Nurture and a little bit of Nature

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus then I am from Pluto. I kind of like it. It gives me a very interesting perspective. I am a biological male but with a female brain. Obviously, Mother Nature has a wonderful sense of humor.

Who I am is a little bit of Nurture and a little bit of Nature and a dash of Gender Dysphoria.

So where do I fit in?

That is a key question in my life right now.

To all the world I am male. My body and lifetime socialization provide everyone, including myself, with an easy-to-define gender identification. I look like a typical white, American male, chock full of privileges. That identification provides me with a stereotypical assigned role to follow. To many, it’s iron-clad.

I look and act like a Martian.

But inside I just wasn’t built that way. Unfairly, I was wired with a female-gendered brain that has been with me, suppressed as much as I could, my entire life. It has confused me and periodically confused others by what I do and speak. I can tell by the quizzical looks on the face of others when I have stepped out of my assigned male gender role and literally entered the “no-man” zone.

For that reason, most of my life-long female transgressions were the totally private moments that I shared with no one. I had to; the “no-man” zone is as heavily guarded as the Korean DMZ. There are armed guards on both sided of the gender border. The towers are filled with religious zealots, political extremists, TERFs, sexists and the militantly ignorant. The ground in between is also massively loaded with anti-personnel mines.

The Berlin Wall was a garden hedge by comparison.

I have always had very feminist beliefs. I just had no forum to share them in. The guys were a good chunk of the feminist problem so there was absolutely no outlet there and the female friends I knew were barely tolerant and sometimes they even militantly rejected my right to express my opinion because I was not a member of their gender club.

I was not allowed to speak Venusian because I looked like a Martian. It just offended people’s sense of reality.

Over time I began to accept my role as a Plutonian hiding as a Martian. I found that, at times, I actually liked it. I used my diplomatic license periodically to bridge the gender differences. It gave me the wisdom that I shared to help bridge the planetary divide. I felt like a Bosnian UN peace keeper. I was never totally accepted, I helped negotiate the peace and I successfully kept from being shot by the odd misdirected bullet from either side.

It is not all bad to be from Pluto. I don’t even care that they stripped Pluto of its planetary status. I am still here and Pluto still exists. People just need to accept the reality of it all.

When you are from Pluto you have to enjoy the occasional benefits that come with citizenship. You get to choose the best part of Mars and the best part of Venus to enjoy. For example, as a guy I can walk into a bar or walk home late at night without being harassed. I am not intimidated easily and I feel a greater confidence than my female colleagues in meetings. My opinion is also respected by both men and women. So, I have all the benefits of male privilege without entirely joining the club. I just have to suppress who I am, which is a very, very heavy cost.

With a female soul I get to share a level of emotional warmth that is generally excluded from the male experience. I find that I am much more considerate than the guys. I appreciate art and beauty more. I am very much a romantic. I love these extra dimensions of life that add more vibrancy to my life and I want more.

So now I face a tough choice, continue as a stealth Plutonian Martian with a Vesuvian soul, with all the benefits and privileges the guise comes with or should I renounce my Plutonian citizenship once and for all, give up my Martian disguise and become a Venusian I feel I am or more specifically a Trans Venusian that I am?

Will I be accepted by everyone or will I just be seen as another gender refugee from Pluto?

I hope I am accepted.

I am tired of wearing the Martian space suit. It has become far too heavy for my Plutonian soul; besides I have heard that finally being a Venusian will be far more fun. I finally get to be me all the time.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal person. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.

Please also read: