Men Don’t Cry… And Other Things

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Abstract

the conversations I often have with my partner is when I am going to see him crying for the first time. He says when his family dog dies, or a friend or a family member. He believes that men don’t cry. (Before judging him and saying that he is sexist, human beings are much more complex than that, if it was easy to change certain beliefs, we would all be better people, and we aren’t.)My father cries all the time, especially when he watches sad news on the TV; I remember that I used to like to watch TV with him to see when he was going to start crying. I haven’t been with him in two years, so I am not sure if he still cries, but he always did. He gets emotional for everything, and I never saw that as a weakness.I remember a couple of years ago, I was visiting my parent’s house, and my father was drinking whisky by the balcony. We were talking about places to travel together, maybe India or Dubai, and suddenly he started weeping. And my mother and I are lost, we ask him what is going on, and he doesn’t say. I still don’t know what made him cry that much. (And I still want to know, I will ask him next time we are together.)My partner and I are watching Too Hot To Handle Brazil to help him learn Brazilian Portuguese. I was very resistant in the beginning because I wanted to watch something with more substance, but I wanted him to learn as well. Well, now, I am probably enjoying it more than him.With this Netflix show, he is not only learning the language but the Brazilian culture. I told him who was going to be the favourite girl (a white blonde one) because that’s Brazil and I was right

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. He is also really impressed with how much Brazilian Men cry. And in this show, they do cry a lot.I only had one serious relationship with a Brazilian man, and he also did cry a lot. I don’t care if the man cries or doesn’t; this doesn’t mean anything to me; it’s more about how they process their emotions because for me crying is very healing.And I will probably have a shock when my partner does cry because I am not used to seeing him crying, but the problem is that sometimes men that cry are manipulative, especially if they are often crying after behaving badly and hurting you. It’s a complicated situation to identify if they are being genuine or not.I know that Brazilian man (who is my ex-husband) was manipulative because he didn’t allow me to do the things I wanted. He tried to control me and succeeded. When I remember him sobbing every time I wanted to leave him, I want to punch him in the face. He was a heavy person, and he made my life heavier.It’s funny (or actually sad) because as I change, my level of tolerance for other people’s tears changes as well. I know my partner is much more patient with my tears than I will probably be with his, and that scares me a bit. I also know that he would never cry to get what he wants, as I wouldn’t as well.We cry as babies to get attention to get what we want, and then crying becomes this lonely thing, this self-soothing and healing process, that is much less about other people but more about ourselves. Please do cry, but please don’t cry to manipulate others. It’s draining and will just kill that relationship.</article></body>

Men Don’t Cry… And Other Things

I have been with my partner for almost two years now, and I haven’t seen him cry once. During this time, I am sure he has seen me crying at least a hundred times. We met during one of the hardest years of my life, which explains all the crying.

I consider myself a sensitive person, but the pandemic changed something about me. Before, I was much more empathetic to other’s people suffering; now, not so much, I still feel like crying when I watch a sad story on the news, but I don’t let other people suffering affect my state as I used to.

Another thing is that because I suffered so much, I am done with bullshit; if someone is suffering for something that I don’t consider painful enough, I just can’t be bothered, which is not very nice of me as people have different resistance to pain (and life events). But that’s how I feel. And I am being honest.

An example is a friend that was missing her family after spending Christmas with them and having another flight booked to see them in a couple of weeks, while I haven’t seen my parents in two years. I am sorry, but I don’t care if you miss them, you just saw them, and you will see them again soon, so go cry far away from me — this type of thing.

One of the conversations I often have with my partner is when I am going to see him crying for the first time. He says when his family dog dies, or a friend or a family member. He believes that men don’t cry. (Before judging him and saying that he is sexist, human beings are much more complex than that, if it was easy to change certain beliefs, we would all be better people, and we aren’t.)

My father cries all the time, especially when he watches sad news on the TV; I remember that I used to like to watch TV with him to see when he was going to start crying. I haven’t been with him in two years, so I am not sure if he still cries, but he always did. He gets emotional for everything, and I never saw that as a weakness.

I remember a couple of years ago, I was visiting my parent’s house, and my father was drinking whisky by the balcony. We were talking about places to travel together, maybe India or Dubai, and suddenly he started weeping. And my mother and I are lost, we ask him what is going on, and he doesn’t say. I still don’t know what made him cry that much. (And I still want to know, I will ask him next time we are together.)

My partner and I are watching Too Hot To Handle Brazil to help him learn Brazilian Portuguese. I was very resistant in the beginning because I wanted to watch something with more substance, but I wanted him to learn as well. Well, now, I am probably enjoying it more than him.

With this Netflix show, he is not only learning the language but the Brazilian culture. I told him who was going to be the favourite girl (a white blonde one) because that’s Brazil and I was right. He is also really impressed with how much Brazilian Men cry. And in this show, they do cry a lot.

I only had one serious relationship with a Brazilian man, and he also did cry a lot. I don’t care if the man cries or doesn’t; this doesn’t mean anything to me; it’s more about how they process their emotions because for me crying is very healing.

And I will probably have a shock when my partner does cry because I am not used to seeing him crying, but the problem is that sometimes men that cry are manipulative, especially if they are often crying after behaving badly and hurting you. It’s a complicated situation to identify if they are being genuine or not.

I know that Brazilian man (who is my ex-husband) was manipulative because he didn’t allow me to do the things I wanted. He tried to control me and succeeded. When I remember him sobbing every time I wanted to leave him, I want to punch him in the face. He was a heavy person, and he made my life heavier.

It’s funny (or actually sad) because as I change, my level of tolerance for other people’s tears changes as well. I know my partner is much more patient with my tears than I will probably be with his, and that scares me a bit. I also know that he would never cry to get what he wants, as I wouldn’t as well.

We cry as babies to get attention to get what we want, and then crying becomes this lonely thing, this self-soothing and healing process, that is much less about other people but more about ourselves. Please do cry, but please don’t cry to manipulate others. It’s draining and will just kill that relationship.