Men Are Victims of Domestic Violence Too
Because abuse isn’t gender-specific
The topic of domestic violence against men is one which is largely unspoken, especially in various parts of the world.
In most cases of domestic abuse, our first instinct is to assume that a man is the perpetrator, while the woman is the victim. Even though this could be true, as is the case in many instances, the issue of violence against men is more rampant than we know.
Domestic violence, otherwise known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence, or intimate partner violence, is a type of behaviour which involves the abuse of one partner by the other. It could be verbal, sexual or psychological in nature and usually occurs in various forms ranging from threat to harm, physical aggression or assault, emotional abuse and oppression amongst other acts.
It also extends to any other type of controlling behaviour which could potentially harm the health, safety and well-being of its victim.
Although the subject of domestic violence against men is gaining increasing popularity, it requires more awareness than it currently has.
Its obscurity could be attributed to a number of reasons; one of which is underreporting. Underreporting of incidents where men are abused by their partners is a major problem.
The norm is that most men hardly report such cases because they fear that they may be perceived as being less masculine. A recent research by the BMJ Open Journal revealed the “fear of disclosure” as a problem caused by the society which has placed a burden on men not to act weak.
In most cases, the male sufferer chooses not to tell anyone because he may feel he has not lived up to the societal notion of manliness or rather, the dictates of manly ideals.
Reasons why men stay in abusive relationships
While some men stay back in abusive relationships because they are fully committed to their partners, others may be hanging on because they do not want to lose custody of their children to abusive spouses.
For some, they may persevere to a point where they are too emotionally distressed to leave. Another class of men are those who took steps to seek for help, but encountered negative experiences and then gave up fighting back. They may have stepped out hoping that someone will believe them, but that is not always the case.
For the last group, things would have degenerated to a point where the male sufferer doesn’t even see himself as a victim, which makes it difficult to help him.
With all these barriers and more, we are left to wonder: how many more men are silent sufferers of domestic abuse from their spouses?
In most cases, the issue of violence against men is largely overlooked due to the immense pressure on them to act like all is well, even when it is not. This makes more men reluctant to draw attention to their domestic abuse situation.
The sad fact remains that as at today, husband punching, kicking, slapping, sex deprivation and killing are realities that occur on a regular basis.
Social media has further beamed the spotlight on male domestic abuse cases by providing quick access to proof through the circulation of pictures and videos of maltreatment of men by their spouses, albeit for different reasons.
Indeed it would appear that recounting domestic violence from the male victim’s perspective is quite uncommon as most people are quick to assume that men are not usually known to be at the receiving end of physical aggression.
The sad fact remains that men are generally not known to easily voice out their grievances, especially to the point of it being public knowledge.
Public ridicule and harsh criticisms are contributory factors that withhold some men from speaking out. Asides this, there is also the possibility that after reporting to appropriate authorities, tables could turn and the victim ends up being labeled the aggressor.
This is because male victims of domestic violence typically require a higher burden of proof or a more convincing story to justify their claims.
Tackling Domestic Violence Against Men
Domestic abuse of men is just as important as any other gender-based violence issue and in addressing it, there are various ways through which the male sufferer could seek help.
The first is to speak up as soon as possible.
The victim could start by talking to a friend, relative, health care provider or any other close contact. Also, awareness made through social programs can also help by reminding male victims that they too can get justice. A good example is the mankind initiative which reassures male victims through its motto:
“Remember that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone.”
In some countries, domestic violence against men was a rarely discussed subject, until in recent years when more men began to speak against it. Sadly, some cases have seen the brutal end of victims who died from it.
While we ponder over this, we must cautiously note that domestic abuse is not about gender, size or physical strength.
There is also the need to view domestic abuse from a psychological perspective, rather than basing it on socio-cultural expectations and existing stereotypical norms. In fact, a total cultural paradigm shift is necessary to change public perception to a point where everyone should know that men and women could both be aggressors of domestic violence and it is not related to only one gender.
Male sufferers of domestic abuse should also be allowed to speak their truth without being victimized. Since it is an open secret that men too suffer from it, they should also be allowed to talk about it.
Likewise, all aspects of the criminal justice system, particularly the police system and other agencies, should also be taught to handle domestic violence complaints from men with some form of neutrality and open-mindedness. This is with particular reference to African societies.
It is hoped that shedding light on the present realities of domestic abuse of men would balance the scale of gender-based violence discussion.
It is equally important to squash the lopsided view that it is only weak men that experience domestic abuse. This assertion is not true.
Many do not understand that domestic violence is a human rights issue which curtails other rights such as the rights to liberty and freedom of expression. Its effects can be very overwhelming, the impact of which could lead to serious mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, inferiority complex, post-traumatic stress disorder and in worse cases, suicide of its victim.
Consequently, no amount of excuse would give reasonableness to the domestic abuse of a spouse by the other. Neither should violence against either sex be undermined or treated lightly.
Abuse should be addressed across board and irrespective of gender, because violence against men or women is injustice to all.
References
https://hubnaija.com.ng/domestic-violence-in-nigeria-men-are-victims-too-by-yewande-adeleke/
https://opinionnigeria.com/domestic-violence-in-nigeria-men-are-victims-too-by-yewande-adeleke/