PH.D. CUP
Men and Women See Breasts Very Differently
Harvard discontinues Ph.D. in breast comedy
Men and women talk about breasts very differently. It’s as if we’re all looking at the same fire hydrant but women say ‘Look, a red robot’ and men say, ‘Nah. That’s where my dog takes a piss.’
That’s why I started this pub. I wanted to hear women talk about their own breasts, not hear about how enamored or disappointed men are in our boobalas.
Since I started this pub, I’ve read a lot about breasts. I applied to get a Ph.D. in Breast Comedy, but Oxford University thought it was a prank call. Harvard said they’d discontinued the program when Dolly Parton said she’d stop funding them unless they let women into the program. The community colleges said, “hell no, it’s hard enough to be taken seriously. God knows how many applicants we’d lose if we started letting people defend boobertations.”
Harvard said they’d discontinued the program when Dolly Parton said she’d stop funding them unless they let women into the program.
I’ve read a lot of literature where male writers described breasts. I was raised on booblit. Our breasts were described as either amazing and voluptuous or drooping shadows of a young woman who once thought her tits would remain high forever. It made my boobs sag.
I’ve read hundreds of boob jokes online. Boob jokes are uninspiring. They add nothing to my world. Every time I read one, I am transported to a stool beside a horny drunk, who is starting down the front of my blouse. I know. What’s a blouse? Do anyone under 70 own a blouse?
I’ve watched comedians talk about breasts. That’s where I finally stopped. Not because I was finished, but because I finally knew what I wanted to talk about.
Boob stand-up comedy finally showed me something, I had to Google a lot to find boob stand-up comedy. I was surprised there wasn’t more of it. What I discovered educated me.
Women comedians talk about their boobs in three ways. I got big boobs so I get free shit. I got small boobs so I feel like shit. I breastfed my babies and now my boobs hit the floor.
Men comedians, on the flip side, talk about breasts in three ways. Either I love big titties, or I thought she had big cities but when I got her naked I realized it was all her bra, and opinions on implants.
Women walk about breast currency, men talk about shock and awe.
My favorite stand-up boob comedy was from the below YouTube — hands down the funniest piece I saw about breasts. Frances Dilorinzo did a hilarious show on DIY implants. Watch. It’s amazing.
Boobs. Breasts. Tatas. Boobalas, Milk ducts. The Ladies. Whatever you call breasts, men and women will never see them the same way. I did learn something though. Women need to be kinder to ourselves while talking about our boobs and men need to remember our boobs are attached to humans.
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