Memoirs Of An AirBnb Host: My 5 Most Memorable Guests

#1. Pube Man

I thought I’d earn myself a few quid on Airbnb now my son was an adult. We have a small single-occupancy spare bedroom, and live near a major UK city. I can tell you the experience brought a large amount of drama, nearly a call to the police, a lot of fun, and some great memories.

My 5 most memorable guests:

1. Pube man

I did have some guests that I hardly saw. They would book 1 night for an event. Arrive, drop their things off, go out, get back late and leave the following morning. This was the situation with Pube Man. It would have been a very smooth experience apart from when I went to my bathroom after he had left, there were pubes everywhere. Tons of them. Sorry if this is too much information, but you could see from the structure he hadn’t just had a quick trim and not cleaned up after himself. They were the full root to tip hairs. I don’t frequent men’s bathrooms, but I’m pretty certain it’s unusual to have a full moult in one bathroom visit. I may be wrong.

I dreaded going into the bedroom. I put on some marigolds and stripped the bed. As the bedding is white, the black flecks were obvious, like netting all over the linen. I threw it all in the wash on a hot cycle and hoped for the best. No such luck. I ended up plucking them out by hand while it was on the line and washed the bedding again for good measure. What can you do? I could hardly put in the guest specification ‘no heavy moulters’ could I?

2. Extremely understanding lady

I’ll call her Kath. She was a lovely unassuming woman, who was back in her hometown for the funeral of her mother, so just wanted somewhere quiet to stay. She said the room and location were ideal for her needs. I make it very clear in my Airbnb ad that we have a very friendly dog (Lola) who likes a fuss, so only dog lovers are welcome.

Lola though took this a bit too far. Kath had been making a fuss of Lola during her stay, and they had really taken to each other. On Kath’s last night, Lola had been sleeping in my son’s room. Unbeknown to myself or my son, in the middle of the night, she had left my sons’ bed and gone and got in bed with our guest. OMG cringe.

The first I knew of this was when Kath told me about it in the morning. Fortunately, she was very gracious about it and said only Lola was allowed to do this; no one else on the planet could. We laughed about it, but I was quietly dying inside. After this, I always made sure Lola was securely locked in my room with me for the whole night when we had guests. (I do believe though that Kath was secretly pleased about her night visitor).

3. Lovely Franco who made himself very much at home

I did really like this guest. He was Italian, friendly, and effervescent. I did tell him to make himself at home. And boy did he. Every time I came in, he would be sitting in the living room in my big armchair, right in front of the television with the remote control in his hand, telling me his television schedule. I’d go in the kitchen, his tea would be in the oven and his washing in the machine.

I suppose it’s my fault for telling him to treat the house as his own, but it ended up with my son and I upstairs watching television in our bedrooms if there was something we wanted to see, and having to wait to be able to cook our tea till Franco was finished. There was an air that he had taken over, and I half-imagined he was about to start dictating house rules to me. He was having such a great time, he asked if he could extend his visit after the end of his booking. I quickly conjured a phantom person who needed the room, to let him down gently. Although he was lovely and fun, I was glad when he left so I could have my house back. He left me lovely feedback saying he ‘felt right at home in the house’. Yes Franco, we noticed.

4. ‘This guest would be better suited to a hotel’

Ruth was fine for the duration of her stay; polite, quiet, no problems whatsoever. Until it came to her leaving. I honestly don’t think she read the advert where it quite clearly states that for a grand total of 11 Great British Pounds per night, you are staying in the small spare bedroom of a family home, with free use of all the communal areas and appliances. Help yourself to tea and coffee.

As she was leaving, she gave me some ‘complaints’.

· She was ‘shocked’ there was no lock on the bedroom door, so she did not have anywhere to lock her things away. Erm… I’ve given you a key to my actual house!

· She was ‘disappointed’ there were no catering facilities in the bedroom. Are you for real? It’s a small bedroom and there’s a fully functioning kitchen at the bottom of the stairs.

· She complained because I said in the ad the buses are every 10 minutes from the bottom of the road to the city centre (which is true), but when she got the bus on Sunday, she had to wait 20 minutes. Facepalm is the only response to this complaint.

I did leave her positive feedback as I had no problems with her stay but did add the caveat ‘this guest would be better suited to a hotel’.

5. Nightmare guest from hell

Raj arrived while I was out, and my son was to meet him when he arrived at our property. The first I knew the trouble this guest was going to be was when my son phoned me to let me know he had arrived, then immediately barricaded himself in the room as he was scared of dogs. WTF. Not only in the ad do I make it clear we have a very friendly dog, but it’s also one of my guest rules that they must be a dog lover.

When I got home I only briefly saw him as he remained barricaded in the room for virtually the whole of his stay, except when he was out (he was on a training course in the area). He asked me to keep the dog out of his way, which I agreed to, but really shouldn’t have had to, as I could have asked him to leave.

The 3 days of his stay were really awkward, so on his last morning, I was very relieved when he left early. Except when I went in to clean the room. All of his things were still there, and he had not left my key.

I messaged him to remind him checkout was 11 am and could he return to get his things. No response. After 11 am had passed I liaised with Airbnb to let them know the situation and they tried and failed to contact him. I did not have a guest booked the next night so, when it got to my bedtime, I double-locked the door from the inside, as I always do if no one is due back… plus there was the added concern that there was a man out there with a key to my house.

Much later when I was in bed, I could hear him attempting to get in the house. I was a bit scared as he shouldn’t be here, I hadn’t heard anything from him, I was alone as my son was staying at his girlfriends, plus he was a bit strange.

Then to my horror, I heard an almighty bang, and he was in the house… he had actually broken in… with force. I was absolutely furious. I flew downstairs, blew my top at him, and threatened to phone the police. I could have got him arrested.

Of course, he claimed he thought he had booked the extra night and it was a genuine mistake, and asked if could he just get his stuff. I allowed him 5 mins to clear the room and leave. Can you believe, he still shoved Lola out of his way. Mate, this is her house, and she has every right to be here… YOU DON’T.

On his way out, incredibly, he asked me if he could stay the night anyway as he was already here. I’ll leave my response to your imagination.

I’ve since found out it is a scam for some air bnb guests to keep keys as they can check on the hosts’ diary when the accommodation is free, and use it again. A bit silly when the host lives in the property, but there you go.

Just a shame, the experience with Raj put me off and I now don’t do it anymore.

On the whole, I really enjoyed my time as an Airbnb host. Most of the guests were lovely and a few were an absolute pleasure to have staying in my house. I have met people from all over the world and had some really interesting conversations. I’ve had actors, gymnasts, engineers, a trainee hypnotherapist, and even a professional violinist staying, whom I had the pleasure of hearing practice in my spare room. Some even brought me gifts as they were leaving, which was delightful.

I suppose there is always a risk with things like this, and even if 99% of your guests are great, there is that chance it will go badly. Would I do it again? Not at the moment as I’m living by myself, but maybe in the future. I’ll see.