Summary

The article expresses skepticism about the 2018 Los Angeles Lakers' roster decisions following the signing of LeBron James and the acquisition of unconventional players like Lance Stephenson and Javale McGee, while allowing Julius Randle to leave.

Abstract

The Los Angeles Lakers' decision to sign LeBron James initially brought excitement to the fanbase, but subsequent roster moves, including the signings of Lance Stephenson, Javale McGee, and Rajon Rondo, as well as the departure of Julius Randle, have raised concerns. The author likens the team to a "Frankenstein Four," suggesting that the team's strategy seems to be a patchwork of mismatched parts rather than a coherent plan for success. The article reflects on the past criticisms of the team's management and questions the current direction under LeBron's influence, fearing that the team may have sacrificed long-term development for short-term gains in a league dominated by the Golden State Warriors.

Opinions

The author is apprehensive about the Lakers' strategy, comparing the team's construction to a "freakish mix of grave-robbed parts."
There is a sense of nostalgia and loss for the young team that was let go, particularly the departure of Julius Randle.
The article criticizes the Lakers' front office, referring to them as "Baron von Johnson" and "Igor Pelinka," implying a mad scientist approach to team building.
The author expresses a desire for the NBA to intervene, humorously invoking the memory of former commissioner David Stern to "rescind this contract."
There is a concern that LeBron's influence as the "acting GM" may not be beneficial for the team's long-term prospects.
The piece humorously rewrites "The Monster Mash" to reflect the author's views on the Lakers' free agency moves, emphasizing the perceived overpayment for players who may not contribute positively to the team's success.

Lebron, are you sure you know what you’ve gotten into?

Meet the Frankenstein Four

Otherwise known as your 2018 Los Angeles Lakers

As we Lakers fans bathed in the warm glow of a Sunday afternoon and the announcement that Lebron James was taking his talents to the City of Angels, the mood was quickly replaced by an eerie chill in the air as the team announced the signings of Lance Stephenson and Javale McGee. The next day, the mad scientist Baron von Johnson and his assistant Igor Pelinka ripped out the heart of the Lakers by letting Julius Randle leave as a free agent, who signed a deal with New Orleans for the same $9 million the Lakers used to sign Rajon Rondo.

David Stern, where are you when we need you? Can’t you rise from the sepulcher of retirement and rescind this contract like you did so many years ago?

The more I think of this new roster, the more I see my favorite team as a freakish mix of grave-robbed parts, with McGee’s cranium, Rondo’s shooting elbow and Stephenson’s mouth grafted on the massive purple and gold body of Lebron, with a gaping hole in the chest left by Randle’s absence.

In spite of my undying love for the Lakers, I’m a reasonably objective fan. I called out Shaq for having surgery done “on company time” and wasting his immense talents on all that BBQ chicken (not weak opponents, eating actual buckets of BBQ chicken). I also called out Kobe’s selfish play and his refusal to play defense for the last five years of his career.

It pains me to say it, but right now I’m a little worried about the team with Lebron as the acting GM. Gone are the simple days of watching the young guys try to play the right way as we watched them grow like proud Little League parents.

In a world where the Warriors look to win the title for another couple of years, you let a young team develop and see if they make the jump, right?

Instead of the Hampton Five, it appears we have the Frankenstein Four, and I dedicate this song to them, to all Lakers fans, and even to all Lakers haters who may revel in the year to come.

I truly, truly hope I’m wrong but at least I can enjoy this song:

(Sung to the tune of “The Monster Mash”)

I was shooting in the gym late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight From the free agent graveyard they began to rise And suddenly tears filled my eyes

They grabbed the cash They took Magic’s cash They grabbed the cash Just like a train yard crash They grabbed the cash Why’d Lebron want trash? They grabbed the cash They grabbed the Lakers’ cash

From the hard wood floor, I watched their tricks Lance Stephenson unleashed his bricks And Rondo snarled as he missed too McGee just smiled, Shaqtin a foo’

The new guys were having fun Practice had just begun Lebron was there with Ingram, Kuzma, and Lavar’s son

The court was rockin’, squeaky shoes on the floor Magic and Pelinka chain smokin’ by the door They asked themselves as they watched five on five When Jeanie sees this, will we get out alive?

Back on the court, Ball’s voice did ring His passing troubled by just one thing As the new guys missed time after time He cried, “Whatever happened to ‘It’s My Dime?’”

Now Shaqtin a fool, has a permanent home With Rondo bouncing passes off their domes For you, Lebron, the cash was meant to revive the Lakers, not recruit this crew