ANOTHER FAILURE

Mediumolics Anonymous

How to Fail at the Medium Boost Programme in 12 Easy Steps

Moderator: I understand you need help with one of the Twelve Steps. Can you enlighten the group about which step you are struggling with and why?

My name is Annie, and I am a Mediumolic. But I’m beginning to think that this twelve-step programme is flawed.

1. I have admitted I was powerless over Medium — that my life had become unmanageable. This was a tough one because, as everyone knows, if you are a Mediumolic, you have no life. But I went with it anyway.
2. I came to believe that a Boost Nominator, greater than me, could restore me to sanity and a decent paycheck. I found this step relatively easy.
3. I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the Boost Nominator. I hedged my bets on this one and tagged every Boost Nominator I could find. I told them I had left them my entire back catalogue in my Last Will and Testament. And made sure they understood that my life was in their hands.
4. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory of my pitiful writing. And made a few edits.
5. I admitted to Boost Nominators, to myself and to Smillew Rahcuef that my attempts to get boosted were inadequate. This was tough because I am a genius, and everything I write deserves to be boosted. But I got around it by crossing my fingers behind my back.
6. I was entirely ready to have the Boost Nominator remove all the defects in my writing. I told them all they could edit freely. I even said I didn’t mind one iota if they deleted every post and wrote something better in my name.
7. I humbly asked the Boost Nominator to remove all obstacles to my path to greatness.
8. I made a list of all the Boost Nominators I had tagged and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. I made direct amends to such people by writing anagram poems to them. I even informed the Boost Nominators that their title was an anagram of Bastion to Morons.
10. I continued to take personal inventory of my old stories, deleted them and then copied them into a new post, which I submitted to countless publications with Boost Nominators.
11. I sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with Boost Nominators and double-downed on praying that they would notice me.
12. But Step 12 is: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Mediumolics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I’m having trouble with Step 12 because I have not had a spiritual awakening. Or a bloody boost. Where am I going wrong?