Writing Life and Writing Tips

Medium Writers: Should You Take an Unsubscribe Personally?

It hurts when a reader unsubscribes

I originally wrote in the subtitle, “It hurts when a reader unsubscribes from you.” Because that’s what it feels like, doesn’t it? A statement about you personally.

Is that the correct response, though, and if not, what is a healthier attitude for writers to adopt?

Are Readers Your Friends?

I often think of my readers as friends, particularly the subscribers. They’ve done more than just stop by to browse an article. They’ve made a conscious choice to regularly hear from me.

I include as friends in my head the readers I only know from an electronic exchange and a profile picture. I include the ones with an anonymous Gmail address I don’t know at all.

Thinking of readers as friends helps me to write in a direct, personal style. It’s easier for me to keep my tone conversational when it feels like I’m having a conversation.

Taking the Relationship Personally or Not

The downside to mentally friending your readers is that you may take it personally if any unsubscribe from your newsletter. I catch myself with an indrawn breath, a momentary sharp feeling, and a lingering question “Was it something I said?”

In contrast, a person unfollowing me on Medium doesn’t feel as personal. Probably because I suspect some follow decisions are less meaningful than others. People on their quest for 100 followers, people who are trying to get you to fall for their crypto scam, those strange purveyors of porn.

I wrote about the Followers Dilemma in Will You Follow a Writer Who Won’t Follow You?

It Might Be You, But It’s Probably Not

I’ve learned not to take an unsubscribe so personally. My lesson came from student evaluations of my teaching as a law professor.

Each semester I would prepare diligently to make my class as substantive, helpful, and engaging as possible. I’d spend hours reviewing past feedback and updating materials accordingly.

I’m a big believer in continuous improvement, so this came naturally to me. For inspiration, see Be Your Own Best Audience and James’s Rules for Personal and Professional Success.

I improved as a teacher with every class. And the student evaluations reflected it … not. No matter what I did, there were always a couple of students who were underwhelmed. This used to bother me no end. Then I realized something important.

The unhappy students complained about something different each time. Things that people enjoyed in one class were a cause for complaint in a later class. Realizing this was a huge lightbulb moment for me. “It’s not me,” I figured out, “It’s them!”

Put an Unsubscribe in Perspective

Now when I see an unsubscribe, I assume it’s about the reader, not me. Although I still feel a pang of regret, I try to remember I’ve kept my weekly newsletter readers interested and engaged for a year and a half. And steadily grew my readership over all that time.

No, if a reader moves on now, I tell myself they’ve got a lot going on. Maybe they started a new job or are suffering through some tough times.

Most importantly, I tell myself I have many readers who are delighted to see my next article. Those are the ones I need to keep in mind when I’m preparing my next conversation.

Try out these thoughts yourself and see if they don’t make you feel better.

Thanks for reading.

Be well.

About James Bellerjeau. More of my articles.

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