Satire

Medium Troll Tells All

Your suckiness gives me purpose

You suck. Your story sucks. You’re everything that is wrong with the world. Do other people know how much you suck? Don’t worry, that’s what I’m here for. I see all those sweet little enthusiastic black Friday happy story shoppers. I love you. Clap clap. Fifty claps. You made my day. You made my week. Thanks for the laugh. Fuck those losers and their kiss-ass coupons.

Hi, I’m Bob and I’m a negative comment troller. You may know me from comments like, “Bitch I know where you live,” to “Keep your fat libtard ugly ass away from my guns.”

You might ask “So what’s a good day like for you, Bob?” Thanks for asking, shithead. I’ll answer your stupid, doormat, bullshit question, you asswipe who couldn’t find love on a nude swingers cruise ship hosted by free hookers. Yeah, I’m talking to you, fuckhead.

A good day for Bob, as I like to refer to myself, is commenting on as many Medium Articles as I can in one day. I’d say my average reading percentage is about 12%, but I’ve got a foolproof method to make sure I insult as many writers as I can.

I look for buzz words. Woman. Equity. BLM. Gun rights. Pro-choice. Democrat. Nancy Pelosi. Anti-White supremacy. AOC. Political correctness. Kids. Remote learning. Voting Rights. But what really floats my troll boat is assholes who think they’re funny. Fuck those people. You’re not funny. You’re desperate whiny, my mama don’t love me, lowest form of humanity shitbags.

I’d print all my comments onto toilet paper if I could. But exhibiting what pieces of shit you all are, isn't economical. You’re not worth it!

So, be well, go fuck yourself and keep writing so I can continue to imbue meaning upon your pathetic petty irrelevant little lives.

And just so you know, nothing is funny to me, but please, keep trying, you rickety broken little engineless train who could not.