Summary

The author humorously recounts a futuristic journey to wealth and influence through writing on Medium.

Abstract

The article, titled "Medium And My Climb To Riches!," is a satirical take on the potential of Medium as a platform for earning substantial wealth. The author, inspired by a story from Mark Suroviec, M. Ed., humorously projects a future where their modest Medium earnings exponentially increase to the point of global influence and philanthropy. Through a series of tongue-in-cheek predictions, the author imagines creating a 'SPAMVERSE' to deal with internet spammers, amassing a fortune leading to space exploration, and ultimately redistributing wealth to fund creative projects worldwide. The narrative peaks with the author becoming a trillionaire and influencing Earth's economy and space exploration efforts, all thanks to the power of Medium.

Opinions

The author playfully exaggerates the impact of Medium on personal wealth, suggesting a humorous correlation between writing on the platform and achieving immense riches.
There is a light-hearted jab at the concept of "get rich quick" schemes, particularly those related to online writing and content creation.
The piece reflects on the potential for technology and innovation, like the fictional 'SPAMVERSE' and space exploration, to address societal issues in an entertaining and whimsical manner.
The author uses satire to critique the overemphasis on monetary success often associated with writing platforms like Medium, while also poking fun at the idea of niche content driving financial prosperity.
The article concludes with a self-aware nod to the reader, acknowledging the satirical nature of the work and inviting others to engage with a writer's challenge, suggesting a community-driven approach to writing and content creation.

SATIRE

Medium And My Climb To Riches!

A Satirical Story of Wonder about what I have already done with my vast riches!

Photo remixed by author. Original by Pexels.

I’ve been seeing a bunch of stories being published about Medium monthly earnings and how people have been increasing their money. And then, I stumbled upon a story by Mark Suroviec, M. Ed. entitled Thanks to Medium, I’ll Be the Richest Man on Earth.

Oh, the wonder! The glory! The vision!

So, what I did is use Mark’s Delorean (thanks, Mark!) to travel ahead into the future to see what was going to happen for little ol’ me. And, boy, you have got to hear this!

At the Beginning

Here we are, at the beginning of this journey (or two months in if you’re being technical). And I think it’s about time to share these monthly earnings with you all so you know exactly how this is going to go down!

So, in July, I made $7.70. In August, I’ll make $16.44. As you can see, I’m already loaded! But not as much as I’m going to be, I promise!

Now, it’s time for a little chart. This is 100% real and accurate!!!

So, if we use maths and stuff, you can see that the payment difference between July and August is a 113% increase! That’s amazing! So, if the trend follows, next month I’ll be making thousands of dollars!

My Trip to the Future

Now, to keep from messing up the future, you know I can’t go into details about things you can use to change the timeline, like race outcomes and such, but I am going to give you a sneak peek into my own future. So, here goes!

— In 2023 —

By September of 2023, I amass enough wealth to acquire the attention of social media giants, and I hire someone to create SPAMVERSE, an alternate internet space where all Spam and Hacker accounts are sent. There, they are endlessly harassed by custom-made bots who claim to be their one true love.

Depending on the depths of their depravity, some accounts are sent to a net space that houses bots trained to mimic Benny Hill and Rodney Dangerfield. They still claim to be their one true love.

— In 2024 —

I have now made close to 6 billion dollars and have attracted the attention of the scientific community. I’ve decided that the success of SPAMVERSE has been my one great achievement on Earth, so I sign contracts with NASA and the owners of the CERN Hadron Collider. Whoever can find me a way off of Earth first will win the funding of 5 billion dollars and a 1% share of my future Medium earnings. They both accept.

In the meantime, I decide to change my niche and start writing about the critters that live on clean toilet paper. I had a feeling that would be a mistake.

— In 2025 —

My niche change turned out to triple my Medium earnings, on top of my normal increase, so now I’m earning 600 billion dollars a month.

I decide to hire a team to create solar-powered robots whose sole purpose is to beat wheat and other alternatives into flour. I then buy every GMO company and scrap them so that I can pay heirloom farmers to increase seed yields in their next harvest.

Alternatively, my research into toilet paper critters has led to me finding out that tree microbes eat methane, so there was a huge, collective sigh of relief around the world, as well as the freedom to flatulate in peace.

I again change my niche and begin researching vibration and its effect on Big Red gum.

— In 2026 —

By September, I’m making 5 trillion a month, and the farmers’ yields increased so I could hire an international fleet of SR-71 Blackbirds to airdrop my flour-pounding robots and extra seed around the world.

Not everyone appreciated the gesture, of course. But I am not detoured. My passion for FP robots and seeds has now become my greatest achievement.

Big Red gum and vibration research has not led to significant increases in income, so I change my niche to explore alternative methods of using bubble wrap in art.

— In 2027 —

NASA has won the bet by breaking through the Van Allan Belt with their Super Duper Lazzzer Dolphin, SDLD (no, really, that’s what they named it). After a short trip to take a look at what’s out there, I decide to come back to Earth. Besides, my Medium earnings have now hit 600 trillion. I give NASA their money and decide to give the same deal to CERN, just in case they find a better alternative. Space wasn’t exciting, at all. It kind of smelt like methane, but I have no clue why.

I now change my niche to bring awareness to the world that space smells like methane. It was never the cows that contaminated our planet.

— In 2028—

My Medium earnings are now beyond stretching Earth’s global economy. There’s not enough I can do to get rid of the 468,892,349,213 gazillion dollars a month. Why did my earnings jump up so fast? It was because CERN opened a wormhole to another dimension, and I got the credit for it. Or it could have been the result of space methane. I’m not sure.

My earnings are now being divided amongst the citizens of Earth and funding every single good project instilling wholesome creativity in people.

I decided to take that leap into the CERN wormhole and snagged my pants on the way through, waving to my younger self.

I hope you enjoyed this satire piece. It’s been a while since I’ve written something like this, so if you want to jump on the bandwagon, feel free to do a Writer’s Challenge prompt — How Is Medium Going To Make You Rich? And please tag me if you do it. LOL

Thank you for your time! Writing is an experience. Reading is, too. Consider commenting and connecting with me. I’d love to interact!

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