Meditation: Self communication for better communication
Meditation is a great way to connect with yourself and others. We all want to be in a good mood and have positive interactions with others. But how can we achieve it when our internal dialogue is always critical, negative, and self-defeating? Whether we realize it, most of us spend most of our time feeling stressed or depressed. According to research in psychology, meditation can reduce stress, anxiety, depression and improve focus with attention to breathe. It would be wonderful if there was a tool, a technique for calmness and lower stress and anxiety. Turns out that there is such a tool! It is called meditation, and it improves our mood and helps us manage stress. After my article, you will define mediation, do a simple technique to begin a daily practice for calmness, and lower anxiety, which will improve your inner and outer communication skills.
You already know how to meditate. Breathe! Take a healthy deep breath in order to reduce anxiety. Mediation is as natural and as easy as breathing. Mediation is self-communication, which will quiet the inner voice for improved communication with others. What is the inner voice? It is the ego that says, “I don’t have any inner voice!” That is the “sound” of your thinking. In psychology, we defined intrapersonal communication as your inner voice. The sound of your thinking. It is your self-talk, called psychological noise.
We can describe psychological noise as thoughts and feelings that interfere with the ability to communicate. During conversation, paying attention to noise doesn’t allow attention to those things that really deserve attention; each other. If you don’t think about what you are about to say when communicating with another, you will improve your ability to listen. And hear what the other person is saying. The volume of communication noise can be turned down with mediation. Also, the inner voice can be harmful. Our self-talk is often too critical. Every normal person has a nagging negativity bias. It is the tendency to focus on the negative, not the positive. This is a normal human characteristic. We remunerate on the one unpleasant experience during the day and not the 10 wonderful things. We remember being cut off on the road. Yet, don’t replay our thoughts repeatedly, about the beautiful hawk that flew over our head while driving; the pleasant smile, friendly comment of a friend, or the beam of light that captured your attention while walking. We are all susceptible to this judging and habitual thinking tendency unless we actively develop an awareness of our thoughts and learn how to control them and direct our attention and energy. If not burdened with the repetitive negative noise, you will be less stressed and able to communicate better with others.
“The greatest weapon against the stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. “ -William James (Father of American psychology)
Stress is an unavoidable part of being human — it’s hard-wired into our brains. The Negativity Bias is one of many forms of heuristics. Heuristics are the process by which we decide quickly. It is a type of problem solving through rules of thumb rather than by careful analysis. These many biases are tips, mere generalization that every normal person will use. Basically, a heuristic is a game the brain plays to make immediate actions. The heuristics (bias) is an evolution byproduct. These unexamined solutions to situations that require prompt action often cloud our thinking, and reduce effective communication and create psychological drama in daily life. These heuristics hard-wired into our brain for survival benefit were necessary in bygone days. Evolutionarily, it was better to be afraid every time you saw a stick, because the one time the stick was a real snake could be deadly. The person who didn’t run upon hearing a rustle in the bush was the one that got eaten by the tiger and didn’t propagate genes into the next generation. The evolutionary fight-or-flight response is an automatic physiological reaction to stressful or frightening events. Just a thought of harm, as well as a perceived harmful experience, will activate the instinctual sympathetic nervous system, which triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee. These heuristics are not as useful in modern times. Today, modern advertisers use them to manipulate us to buy a bunch of useless stuff we don’t need. Meditation slows breathing and activates calm parasympathetic triggers, in contrast to sympathetic. Slow breathing turns off the stress reactions. The ability to meditate is a self-aware, choosing to live and experience life fully in the present moment.
Meditation is focused attention. It is perception checking for overcoming bias, which results in stress and interferes with effective communication. I completed a 10-day residential course at a Vipassana Meditation Center near the town of Menomonie, Wisconsin. The town of Menomonie in the past was quiet and secluded. The Center was in a wooded forest on a raised bluff of the small peninsula which jets above the meandering Red Cedar River. Today, the river continues to flow with beauty and stillness. However, there is too much urban noise from tumult at a university campus and city on the opposite side of the watercourse. Fortunately, Vipassana meditation taught silence in-between thought. The physical noise was of little consequence. It is important to learn inner silence in order to experience silence in the outer world. After several days of breathing practice, I sat quietly in an open field on the Center’s property. I listened to the wind ripple through the feathered wings of one of the many eagles that took flight during the ten-day practice. All sound ceased except the melody of my focused attention on the wind beneath the wings of an eagle as it waved upward on a gentle, rising, early spring breeze. The sound was no louder than air against air. Mediation offers a way to observe and focus on what is important.
Learning a mediation technique can be the beginning of paying attention…… attention to thoughts. You are the observer. In a 2014 study, participants took part in a Vipassana meditation course. A 6-month follow-up found that the participants who took the course had lower self-reported stress levels than those who didn’t take the course.
The Vipassana study and similar studies have been replicated again and again, finding similar results with other mediation techniques. Five of the most common types of meditation are mindfulness, body scan, walking, loving-kindness, and transcendental meditation. Different meditation come with different benefits. Transcendental meditation (TM) describes quietness as the calm stillness in the depths of a sea below the turbulent, noisy surface. Vipassana, or mindfulness, is about calming the noise, waves of the sea, so the surface of the mind reflects the light of the sun. Meditation is focused attention. Focused attention is similar to mindfulness but with a different emphasis. Mindfulness is a form of meditation which focuses on awareness of the present moment. When you practice mindfulness, you become more aware of your thoughts and sensations. You don’t need to attend a full retreat to learn meditation. It is as easy as learning to control your breath. It is best to learn from a qualified teacher, like at a 10-day Vipassana silent retreat, yoga studio or your health clinic. However, you can simply watch a guided meditation on YouTube for free.
How to mediate: 1. Sit; 2. Notice your body; 3. Feel your breath; 4. Notice your thoughts; and 5. Relax
A meditative practice brings happiness and health. Health within and with others with improved communication skills. If you develop skills to be less judgmental of your own thoughts, then you may develop the skills to be less judgmental of others and yourself. This is the key to lower anxiety and good communication. And a better human experience.