Meditation and Henry Cavill’s Jawline

If you are the type of person who can lay in bed and starts to sleep at the drop of a hat, I must tell you that I don’t like you, right off the bat.

The truth is, I am deeply jealous of you. I just cannot sleep that fast. As soon as I go to bed, (I dislike using this term but I will) all my creative juices start flowing. They say, inspiration comes in most uncomfortable places and it’s true. I can tell you that I wrote the most important parts of many of my songs, either when I was in the bathroom, in shower or in bed. However, in those circumstances, it’s really not ideal to stop whatever you’re doing and grab a pen and paper to jot down your ideas.

I actually know a singer/songwriter who literally walks with a basket in her home. (An actual basket.) There is a notebook, pen, her phone and tissues inside the basket. I understand her, and feel the need to do the same. (Except that she lives in a mansion, so it might make sense for her.)

Therefore, in order to fall asleep faster, I either need to read or let the TV play for a bit, so I can distract my thoughts and divert my focus on something else and sleep.

A few times, when this topic came up some (annoying) friends of mine made comments such as; “ohhh is everything ok?”, “I can never sleep with a TV on nor my partner would allow it ha-ha” (so she assumes I am single? Bitch is shooting with 2 guns.) Or some of my Karen friends would say “oh statistically having a TV in the bedroom is very unhealthy.” I want to respond as “You f@!& b@!ch, watching TV in my bedroom kept my sanity during the pandemic, what are you talking about?” but I don’t, since I am too nice.

Moreover, they will add “have you tried meditation?”

Although it might help, I really don’t think needing something to help sleep, has anything to do with “being relaxed.” It’s just because I am a thinker. I create things and those thoughts have to find an outlet somehow, sometime in the day. And they usually come at night. Or in the bathroom. That’s all.

Furthermore, not everything is meant for everybody. There are things that we will or will not, can or cannot do. Like riding on roller coasters, eating oysters, watching Fox News or meditating.

Now with that being said, I can’t meditate either. It’s just not happening. (I know I come with a lot of baggage.)

The moment I sit down with hopes to meditate and think of myself at a tranquil place, the things start to bombard my mind. New ideas or the things that I have never ever thought about in a million years.

Examples of the things I think of when (pseudo) meditating;

· What did my middle school maths teacher meant 20 years ago, when she said “Engin, you have potential but you need to be willing to understand Calculus, it’s just not gonna solve itself?”

· You can be overwhelmed, underwhelmed but can’t you just be whelmed?

· Wow, Timothée Chalamet really has the ideal Hollywood woman body.

· I want to cook Ravioli tonight, hope I have some in the fridge.

· How the hell Henry Cavill’s jawline is so perfect? Is he getting fillers? He must be. (That leads me to…) It’s not fair for one person to have all the good features. Who is he gonna end up with? Lucky bitch. (Respectfully.)

· Would it be too dramatic if I wrote a song about a couple meeting again, after 50 years apart?

· Can’t believe Kardashians lied to me. They said last season was the farewell to their show, now they have another one coming.

And the list goes on…

So it looks like, I will continue to watch TV or read a good, juicy suspense thriller until I fall asleep. But that’s ok. As I mentioned, not everyone should or can be doing everything others do.

I don’t want to bash myself here any further (especially when all the other people falsely advertise themselves on social media as if they’re the next best thing) but I have add one more thing that I suck at.

I don’t have any sense of direction.

I can easily get lost, unless I am in Manhattan or somewhere known where I can see the landmarks right in front of me. There was a time when I got lost somewhere, I called a friend of mine to help me and when he asked me where was I and what did I see around, all I could say was “I don’t know, there’s a squirrel here.” So yes, it’s that bad.

There were many occasions embarrassingly I had my phone in my hand, Google map open -while walking- telling me the directions as if I am a car. “Now turn left, your destination is on your right.”

I don’t understand how this south, west thing (cardinal directions) operates on streets. How the hell do you know where south or west is, in the middle of an unknown street? Don’t tell me to look at my compass like pirates. It’s too complicated. We never used it back home. All we did to describe an address was “go this way, pass the Hamam, across the Palace you’ll see the liquor store.” (This sounded like we were bunch of alcoholics living in the 15th century.)

I really feel like people are joking (or being jerks) when they tell me for instance “go down on south, turn west on 12th street and the book store will be on your north?” Excuse me? Isn’t this a punchable offence now?

You might as well give me a three equations with three variables problem to fix in the middle of the street. Why they make life so difficult? Just tell me, go straight ahead, turn left… it’s across Hermès” done! That I would get. Don’t involve the cardinal directions, I am not a pilot.

Everyone has different abilities and capabilities.