Young Relationships | Self Improvement

Me to Be Me and You to Be You

Create a Space of Allowance

What if there was a different way to ‘do’ relationships? Are you interested in making a change?

When you begin a new relationship, you’re creating something together. You have a chance to do things differently, to change the channel. When I first got together with my current partner I told him upfront:

‘I don’t play the blame game.’

‘When I feel triggered by something, I know it’s my own debris triggering me. I am responsible for that, not you. I might take a time out and sort it out. I want you to know it’s not about you, it’s about me.’

If you can start the conversation and keep talking, it really helps create a space of trust between you. If you can agree not to go into judgment about things that come up, you will avoid the separation that comes with it.

How often do you have conversations like that?

When you say you want to create a relationship based on choice, allowance, and freedom, a conversation like that is what is required.

When you’re trying to create a change in your relationship it’s important to recognize when you are slipping into old habits.

You need to recognize what your stop points are.

A stop point is when you throw the brakes on.

‘Back it up Jack’.

Recognize this is an old behavior from an old relationship.

Do you want to step into the old hornet's nest of your past and bring it into your current relationship? Get clear about what you are trying to do.

Stop Yourself Before You Repeat Yourself.

Invite your partner to be your playmate in this experiment. Tell them you want to make a change, do things in a different way and ask them to be your ally in this.

You could say something like this:

‘Hey, I value our relationship. I noticed I felt this way when that occurred. I noticed I’m triggered and I want to clear away my old debris so it doesn’t affect me each time it comes up.

I want to move through the emotion of the trigger and have it be gone forever. I would like to change my orientation around it. Will you help me change that?’

“Let’s create a space of trust and nonjudgment. Let’s create a space where we’re not trying to be right all the time, a space where we allow each other to be, choose and do what each of us wants to be, choose and do.”

Me to be me and you to be you, exactly when you are, exactly when you do.

Try our free newsletter, it’s a 3-minute read that cultivates calm and creates community.

✔️ Get The Multiplier Effect Checklist as a Free signup bonus.