Mastering the Art of Winning Without Fighting
Dealing with Difficult Coworkers
Sun Tzu once said, “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
These words hold true in battles and our everyday struggles, such as dealing with challenging coworkers.
In my office, I had a coworker named Bobbie who made it clear she didn’t want to engage with me unless absolutely necessary. This intrigued me, as Bobbie wasn’t typically a reserved person. She could chat cheerfully with friends and relatives who dropped by our office for extended periods. Inspired by her tenacity, I decided to turn this situation around.
Every day, I spoke to Bobbie with a cheerful tone, genuinely asking her how she was doing. Though she begrudgingly responded, her demeanor seemed like I had forced her to drink vinegar. There were times when I attempted to play by her rules, remaining silent, but I always caved and ended up asking, “How are you doing, Bobbie?” during our first break.
Puzzled by her behavior, I started reflecting on what I might have done to deserve such treatment. It dawned on me that my mistake was unintentional. I had accepted a position previously held by a man she admired, someone who would flatter her. My more direct approach seemed less flattering to her, leading to her refusal to speak with me.
Unfortunately, Bobbie is not the only coworker I’ve encountered with an uncooperative attitude toward work relations. There have been others who ignored my emails or responded patronizingly with “hm, hmm” whenever I sought confirmation. I even once experienced a coworker intentionally giving me incorrect information about a group meeting time.
Why would someone sabotage a colleague’s career? Envy often lies at the root of such behavior. Envy can drive people to act in unpleasant ways, affecting their professional interactions.
So, how can you respond if you find yourself targeted by a saboteur?
Here are a few strategies to consider:
- Don’t take it personally: Remember, the insecurity lies within the person acting insecurely. Try not to let their behavior affect your self-worth or confidence.
- Keep a record: Take note of incidents and patterns of behavior. If the situation escalates, these records will be useful when addressing the issue with your supervisor or human resources department.
- Choose your own rules: It can be tempting to stoop to your saboteur’s level, such as ignoring their emails or being unresponsive. However, doing so may backfire. Instead, maintain professionalism and uphold the standards you believe in.
- Seek a trusted confidant: If you discover intentional misinformation or other forms of sabotage, find someone you can trust to confide in. Ask them to help you verify important information, such as policy changes or meeting dates.
- Keep your options open: Ensure your resume is updated regularly. If the situation persists and your manager fails to resolve it or remains neutral, it may be best to consider moving on to a healthier work environment.
Remember, difficult coworkers can provide valuable experiences. During job interviews, you can share how you handle challenging people and demonstrate your resilience and adaptability.
By mastering the art of winning without fighting, you can navigate the challenges posed by difficult coworkers. Stay strong, maintain professionalism, and seek a positive resolution that allows you to thrive in your career.
