Managing the Mental Wellness Crisis

Dads’ Survival Guide: Physicality — Our Health

Emotional well-being is a thing.

This is news to us Dads.

We’re attentive to the health of our bodies. Fitness. The impact of good workouts. Hoops. Tennis. Biking. Running. Lifting. Any means of raising the heart rate to keep us in shape.

Dads understand proper diets. Less sweets and salty snacks. Limitations on red meat. And red wine. Keeping the carbs and fat intake under control. Because the days of unending pizza and beers are over.

While mindful of one’s physical health, Dads are mostly oblivious to mental health. Emotional wellness. The symptoms. Key indicators. Or root causes.

Mental and emotional afflictions are all around us. Anxiety. Burnout. Depression. Loneliness. Manifesting in bouts of paranoia. Obsessive-compulsive behavior. Psychosis. Mood swings. Post-traumatic stress. Eating disorders. Substance abuse. Or worse.

Dads may never be experts on mental illnesses. Yet, we can’t be ignorant, either. Because the suffering people experience is real. Painful. Debilitating. And more common today than ever. Among co-workers. Loved ones. Other Dads.

And ourselves.

Good Will Hunting

In Matt Damon’s Oscar-winner, he plays a Physics savant. A genius. Trapped in a self-imposed, hardscrabble life. He mops classroom floors. Drinks beers with his buds. Brawls his way into jail. While secretly solving complex math problems.

His intellectual gifts remain undiscovered. Hidden beneath a blanket of childhood trauma. Foster care abuse. Anguish he’s unable to overcome. Till his sessions with a psychologist, played by Robin Williams.

“It’s not your fault.” The breakthrough line. Cracking the stigma. The shame. The guilt. The emotional stranglehold. Freeing a young man from the chains of his past.

Good Will Hunting was a runaway hit. Not because of the Carlton Fisk home run scene. Or Will’s ability to rattle off Marky, Ricky, Danny, Terry, Mikey, Davey, Timmy, Tommy, Joey, Robby, Johnny, and Brian.

The movie touched a chord. A common issue. Laying under the surface. For so many. Mental illness. And the accompanying impairment. Distress. Torment. Afflictions, so often undetected. And unresolved.

This stigma is every bit as prevalent today.

A Warning

The recent Surgeon General’s warning should be no surprise. A mental health crisis in teens and young adults has been building for years.

Achievement-oriented households. A toxic look-at-me culture. Vicious social media ‘friends’. Existential climate alarms. Political discord. Made worse by the upheaval of a deadly pandemic.

No wonder our youth feel anxious. Unsettled. Riddled with doubts. That they can ever be good enough. Measure up. To unreasonable ideals. Standards promoted online. By superstars, celebrities, and influencers.

And all too often, reinforced at home. By intrepid parents like us. Swamping them with travel sports. Private coaches. Music and dance lessons. Programming camps. SAT Tutors. And any assistance-known-to-mankind. To give them a leg up.

Dads only want the best for our kids. A chance to get ahead. Explore. Try new things. Discover themselves. Good intentions. And, generally delivered in a caring and supportive manner.

Which is great. Except for the underlying performance pressure. Coupled with academic and social stresses. Taking a toll on our children. Mentally and emotionally.

A toll that all too often remains hidden. Unaddressed. Unresolved. Until it’s too late.

Rampant Burnout

The pressure to perform is even worse in the workplace.

Leading to an epidemic of burnout. Among staff members. At every firm. And every level. Particularly now. In the midst of COVID. And The Great Resignation. A profound labor shortage. Causing extreme resource constraints. Extra workloads. Added tension. Strife. For everybody.

The daily grind. ‘Always on’. Weeknights and weekends. With home offices invalidating any excuse for not being ‘On call’. All the time. Ensuring a never-stopping, never-ending tether to work.

The inability to unplug is exacerbated by our inability to say “No.” In today’s ‘Can Do’ companies. I got it. Sure thing. No prob. Get ‘er done. A culture where asking for help is a sign of weakness. Incompetence. Lack of commitment.

Fortunately, we can all lean on one another. Our colleagues and cohorts. At the office. Phew. Oh…nobody’s there? Everyone’s working remotely? ‘Connecting’ via Zoom. ‘Bonding’ over Slack. What an awesome means of building trust and lasting relationships with our peers.

Overworked. Always on. Disconnected. No wonder burnout is so rampant.

Empathy and Compassion

Mental health issues are on the rise. At work. And at home. In a recent NY Times survey, nine out of 10 therapists say the number of clients seeking care is increasing. 90%. “A second pandemic of mental health problems,” according to some psychologists.

This is no joke. A growing problem not to be scoffed at. Or dismissed. As heads of our households and companies, Dads are ideally suited to take the lead. Address this issue head-on.

So, what can Dads do?

First off, avoid our Mr. Fix-it mode. We’re not the next Robin Williams superhero therapist. Solving everyone’s issues in a single couch session.

Instead, be Mr. I’m-All-Ears. Willing to sit patiently. And listen. Make time. For those that are drowning. Overwhelmed. Fatigued. Or just stuck. Unable to pinpoint the problem. Or get out of their own way.

Create a safe space. For others to share openly. Be vulnerable. Free of judgment. Contempt. Or derision. Grant permission to ask for help. To be OK with not being OK. Establish proper boundaries between home and work. And encourage time off. To unplug. Relax. Unwind.

Most importantly, be empathetic. Compassionate. Demonstrate how much we care. For others’ well-being. By coming alongside. Just being there. For our colleagues. Wives. And kids. Those who are struggling. Suffering silently. And, in need.

This is love. A love that provides hope. Hope that things can change. And nothing is more soothing than a sense of hope.

Go, Dads. Go.