Man: ‘Hey, are you cheating on me?’ Woman: ‘No, I have a ‘Second Partner’!” ?!?!?!
Hey everyone!
Have you heard of the term “second partner” before? It’s not very well known in Japan, but could it be more common in other countries? Like many nations, extramarital affairs and cheating are seen as bad in Japanese society.
However, this “second partner” seems to be something different from affairs or cheating. In this article, I want to introduce the meaning of second partners and discuss them in the Japanese context!
What is a second partner?
Recently, the term “second partner” has been gaining attention online in Japan. A second partner refers to someone who is married but cultivates a romantic relationship with another person of the opposite sex, without having a sexual relationship. Some criticize it as a way to justify affairs out of context, while others see it as a new type of relationship that heals loneliness.
Characteristics of second partners
The major characteristic of second partners, unlike outright adultery, is that there is no sexual relationship. The focus is on maintaining an emotional bond by doing things like having meals together, enjoying hobbies together, or listening to each other’s worries. There is an expectation that the second partner fills gaps while acknowledging the spouse’s existence. This relationship is usually romantic but does not intend to break up the home, and both partners are often married. Unlike a conventional affair, this relationship is platonic and does not involve physical intimacy in most cases.
Why people seek second partners
Why do some people look for second partners? Often, there is some kind of rift in the relationship with the spouse, with poor communication. There can be various reasons, like having no common interests, not understanding each other’s feelings, or unsatisfied sexual needs.
Also, with longer lifespans and more people marrying late or not marrying at all, the benefits of marrying young have faded. Stronger values of self-fulfillment after marriage make it difficult to meet all one’s needs with only a spouse.
A recent survey found that as many as 52% of married women desire a second partner. In addition, the development of social media has dramatically increased opportunities to meet potential partners, especially via specialized matching apps that make finding second partners very easy.
Issues surrounding second partners
There are several issues surrounding second partners:
1. Drawing the line with affairs While many distinguish second partners from affairs, some point out that having a romantic attachment without a spouse’s permission is itself akin to cheating. And even if the line is not crossed initially, the relationship could develop into a physical one.
2. Impact on family Some worry that second partners could stress families and lead to divorce. In particular, impact on children if the relationship is discovered is a concern.
3. Ethical dilemmas Second partners often keep the relationship secret from spouses, risking damaged trust. However, some argue having a second partner can renew devotion to one’s spouse. Determining what is ethically right is difficult.
Considering these points, second partners exist in a gray area. Depending on the nature of the relationship, there could be positive or negative effects.
Thinking about second partner relationships
For second partners to be socially accepted, the following are important:
- Disclosing the relationship and obtaining a spouse’s understanding
- Strictly avoiding physical intimacy
- Paying close attention to avoid stressing the family
- Respecting the other’s feelings and avoiding ethical conflicts
Also, second partners treat symptoms rather than causes. Improving spousal relations and invigorating communication are vital.
In Closing
As second partner relationships spread, how should we in Japan view and understand this social change? The issue touches on balancing individual freedom and social norms, and will likely spark continued debate. In societies like Japan where traditional and modern lifestyles coexist, such new types of relationships can be controversial going forward.
Second partners have potential to expand relationship possibilities but also risk damaging family bonds. Depending on the nature of the relationship, they could either support lonely people in modern society or prove destructive. Discussion around second partners will surely continue, but if we hope for the happiness of those involved, society must constructively work through this issue, accepting new relationship styles while refining ethics and wisdom.
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