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Abstract

Surmountable questions haunted me and intensified well into my teens. They were questions I felt were not a child's place to ask a parent.As I got older, I learned my situation is more common than I could imagine — mothers giving children to the wrong fathers.Polygenic Consulting, a local paternity testing entity operating out of my native country, Jamaica, revealed that 70 percent of the DNA tests done by them since 2015 proved children were given the wrong fathers.Monica and I were born long before then, so we are not a part of this data.But what about the many other children who cannot afford the cost of testing or don't have a reason to investigate their paternity because they seamlessly blend in with the family they were given?The thought of the possibilities is frightening.Imagine a male child unknowingly given an incorrect name and passing it on to his wife and children. Not to mention not knowing about major illnesses in family generations. And how about a girlchild unware marry his brother or another family?<h2 id="6a41">Living the uncertainty of who I was</h2>It was a tumultuous journey throughout my childhood. The uncertainty of where I come from felt like a weight affixed to my head. Seeing other children's fathers coming to represent them at school or other family events often left me jealous and drifted in la-la land.<ul><li>How does my father look?</li><li>Do I resemble him?</li><li>What kind of relationship would we have?</li><li>What does he do for a living?</li><li>How did my mom meet him?</li><li>Do I have other siblings?</li><li>Does he know I even exist?</li><li>If the man I knew to be my Dad # Options is not my Dad, who is my Dad?</li></ul>These were just some of the questions that tormented me in earlier days.Looking back on all the relationships I've had, they were partly to fill the missing void in my life.Was I searching for a father figure by marrying or even dating an older man?If only I had my biological father's counsel and showed me a better way, things might have been different back then — probably I wouldn't have gotten married at 17, straight out of high school. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten involved with a married man.Would my Dad teach me how to make better decisions on choosing a life partner? Would things be different if daddy was around to protect his little girl?<h2 id="f71b">Mothers must be honest about their children's biological fathers.</h2>Not being told the truth about your birth father is psychological child abuse.Children who suffer from Psychologically abused make bad choices and face serious consequences that affect them throughout their lives. Yet, at the same time, parents disregard the severe hurtful impact they caused on their children by not being honest as they selfishly preserve their integrity and protect their shame.Mothers should tell their children the truth about their identity and their origin and offer professional counseling in cases where needed. Children who are older might be better capable of handling the situation.Children have a right to know their biological father.I have a right to know my birth father.Mothers, don't rob your children of the pride that comes from knowing their birth fathers.</article></body>

Mama, I Want To Know My Rightful Father

Every child deserves to know their real Dad

Physical pain stops. You move on from psychological traumas but do you ever truly heal from not knowing your rightful father?

At sixty-five, Monica's pain still runs deep. Listening to her story while we sat for lunch this week resurrected my trama.

Had I not moved on? I questioned myself.

When you discover the lies and secrets your parent has kept from you since childhood, the psychological abuse never ends.

Monica couldn't believe her mother continued to bombard her about visiting the man she told her was her Dad, knowing he isn't.

Monica's mom is 85 and intends to take this secret to her grave.

I would love to tell you Monica's heart-wrenching story, but here is my very own.

I looked different.

My thick black curly shoulder-length hair, full eyebrows, and honey glaze complexion were a misfit among my three siblings.

The chatters and whispers about the possibilities were evident and a silent yet deafening loudness in the small rural community where I grew up.

Did I miss the features seen in family genes?— The ones you'd often hear from others — you look like your mom, Dad, or resembles some other family member?

Surmountable questions haunted me and intensified well into my teens. They were questions I felt were not a child's place to ask a parent.

As I got older, I learned my situation is more common than I could imagine — mothers giving children to the wrong fathers.

Polygenic Consulting, a local paternity testing entity operating out of my native country, Jamaica, revealed that 70 percent of the DNA tests done by them since 2015 proved children were given the wrong fathers.

Monica and I were born long before then, so we are not a part of this data.

But what about the many other children who cannot afford the cost of testing or don't have a reason to investigate their paternity because they seamlessly blend in with the family they were given?

The thought of the possibilities is frightening.

Imagine a male child unknowingly given an incorrect name and passing it on to his wife and children. Not to mention not knowing about major illnesses in family generations. And how about a girlchild unware marry his brother or another family?

Living the uncertainty of who I was

It was a tumultuous journey throughout my childhood. The uncertainty of where I come from felt like a weight affixed to my head. Seeing other children's fathers coming to represent them at school or other family events often left me jealous and drifted in la-la land.

How does my father look?
Do I resemble him?
What kind of relationship would we have?
What does he do for a living?
How did my mom meet him?
Do I have other siblings?
Does he know I even exist?
If the man I knew to be my Dad is not my Dad, who is my Dad?

These were just some of the questions that tormented me in earlier days.

Looking back on all the relationships I've had, they were partly to fill the missing void in my life.

Was I searching for a father figure by marrying or even dating an older man?

If only I had my biological father's counsel and showed me a better way, things might have been different back then — probably I wouldn't have gotten married at 17, straight out of high school. Maybe I wouldn't have gotten involved with a married man.

Would my Dad teach me how to make better decisions on choosing a life partner? Would things be different if daddy was around to protect his little girl?

Mothers must be honest about their children's biological fathers.

Not being told the truth about your birth father is psychological child abuse.

Children who suffer from Psychologically abused make bad choices and face serious consequences that affect them throughout their lives. Yet, at the same time, parents disregard the severe hurtful impact they caused on their children by not being honest as they selfishly preserve their integrity and protect their shame.

Mothers should tell their children the truth about their identity and their origin and offer professional counseling in cases where needed. Children who are older might be better capable of handling the situation.

Children have a right to know their biological father.

I have a right to know my birth father.

Mothers, don't rob your children of the pride that comes from knowing their birth fathers.