avatarEmma Holiday

Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

2109

Abstract

esorted to using their male voice when dealing bureaucratic difficulties on the telephone. They now feel totally isolated by politics and feel the contempt that religions hold for their gender.</i></b></p><p id="95f5"><b><i>I need to accept the fact that I am surrendering my male privilege card to just be me. I strongly believe that the trade is worth it. I have spent the last three years painfully proving it to myself.</i></b></p><p id="b78e"><b><i>My physical world will shrink a little but it will be replaced with one that I can breathe in. I am leaving behind a world of the emotionally color blind for a world in emotional Technicolor. I am opening my heart up in a way that has never seen the light of day before and my soul will finally be able to feel the peace and joy of being, simply me.</i></b></p><p id="5add"><b><i>Look I know that this path will have a lot of perils and pain but after a lifetime of role playing it is exciting to finally play the role I was meant to play. It is the role of a lifetime. I finally get to be me.</i></b></p><p id="106d"><b><i>I can’t wait.</i></b></p><p id="1069"><b>Emma Holiday</b></p><p id="a422">Please also read:</p><div id="cf7f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-transgender-pain-29b6b8f304ab"> <div> <div> <h2>The Transgender Pain</h2> <div><h3>The Pain</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*W-5ZDIga_SEULXonLaQNpA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0776" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-transgender-manifesto-6ceda7354b8f"> <div> <div> <h2>My Transgender Manifesto</h2> <div><h3>-I will no longer be ashamed of being transgender.

-I will no longer feel any guilt nor will I let anyone make me…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div>

Options

         </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*4-DsLz8wGBYjdcgClTSrRw.png)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="d8bf" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-does-it-make-any-sense-a0db5fdd2ec4">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>How Does It Make Any Sense?</h2>
            <div><h3>When your brain is hard-wired female, but your body develops male</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*lQCNtNxVzH_xIqOoF-HZ-A.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="7a40" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-problem-with-cisgender-people-12735152b7cd">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>The Problem With Cisgender People</h2>
            <div><h3>What they can’t see isn’t “real”</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*DtNA5BQUUL6x1JkBcawxYQ.jpeg)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div><div id="c53f" class="link-block">
      <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-transgender-sweet-sixteen-list-8cd6bce7d7a0">
        <div>
          <div>
            <h2>My Transgender Sweet Sixteen List</h2>
            <div><h3>I was challenged by some one after writing the Transgender Pain, to write something positive about being transgender…</h3></div>
            <div><p>medium.com</p></div>
          </div>
          <div>
            <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*QabR6DBjTj3Y6dHn7TV9GA.png)"></div>
          </div>
        </div>
      </a>
    </div></article></body>

Male Invincibility

Until I discovered I was transgender, I had 60 years of living with male privilege. For me it has been a two-edged sword. Arguably male privilege has its advantages, all well documented with extremely valid points made by so many writers. No need to be repetitive here.

But for someone who has lived a lifetime suppressing their gender to meet all of the requirements of being male, the privileges have come with a very painful price tag, suppression of my soul. I was confined to a role and sure, the role had benefits, but it was still a role.

It wasn’t me.

For 60 years I wasn’t sure what I was but I was well trained to be a guy. I was invincible. I walked the streets at any time, day or night, and had no fear. I might get mugged for money but no one wanted to force sex on me. I had that privilege and I find now that, since I will probably change my gender, that privilege was enormously overlooked.

Strangely, with only a year and a half on HRT and totally presenting as male, I have had a very minor hint of a feeling of vulnerability. I feel it on the subway at night and sometimes during the day. It is an alien sensation that I have never felt before. It is unsettling and it will be a permanent part of the life I am choosing.

I will no longer be able to take my surrounding for granted. I won’t be able to comfortably have a late night drink on the way home alone. Dark streets are more threatening and groups of guys are more menacing. A guy walking behind me is a potential danger I can’t ignore.

And the lack of privilege doesn’t stop there. I have heard from other transwoman that even in their same profession, their opinion is suddenly less valid and sometimes totally ignored. Others have resorted to using their male voice when dealing bureaucratic difficulties on the telephone. They now feel totally isolated by politics and feel the contempt that religions hold for their gender.

I need to accept the fact that I am surrendering my male privilege card to just be me. I strongly believe that the trade is worth it. I have spent the last three years painfully proving it to myself.

My physical world will shrink a little but it will be replaced with one that I can breathe in. I am leaving behind a world of the emotionally color blind for a world in emotional Technicolor. I am opening my heart up in a way that has never seen the light of day before and my soul will finally be able to feel the peace and joy of being, simply me.

Look I know that this path will have a lot of perils and pain but after a lifetime of role playing it is exciting to finally play the role I was meant to play. It is the role of a lifetime. I finally get to be me.

I can’t wait.

Emma Holiday

Please also read:

Humanity
Society
LGBTQ
Transgender
Gender
Recommended from ReadMedium