Summary

The article satirically suggests that the key to success as a writer on a certain platform is to produce low-quality, sensationalist content, or "crap," rather than focusing on craft, originality, or meaningful storytelling.

Abstract

The author, adopting a satirical tone, criticizes the notion that writers must adhere to traditional advice such as daily writing and mastering their craft. Instead, they propose a counterintuitive approach to achieving fame and fortune quickly: by writing subpar content filled with errors and clickbait titles. The article mockingly advises aspiring writers to ignore editing and to embrace repetitive, meaningless content that appeals to editors seeking to satisfy an audience hungry for such "crap." It implies that the platform's editors are more interested in distributing popular, albeit low-quality, articles than in promoting well-written, thoughtful pieces. The satire extends to the idea that true talent and dedication are overlooked in favor of sensationalism and profit.

Opinions

The author believes that the traditional advice given to writers is overrated and may not lead to success.
They mock the idea that writing poor-quality content is a surefire way to gain recognition and wealth quickly.
The article suggests that editors prioritize content that is easy to sell over content that has artistic or intellectual merit.
It is implied that the current state of writing and publishing on the platform is such that it rewards sensationalism over substance.
The author expresses a cynical view of the writing industry, where new writers are encouraged to produce "crap" for fame and fortune.
There is an underlying lament for the neglect of skilled writers who produce quality work but receive little attention or reward.

Satire

Making It Big Virtually Overnight

This Is How You Do It

A lot has been written about how to make it big as a writer. The problem is most of the time, it’s always the same message. Drivel about needing to write each and every day and learn your craft. Incessant pieces on what makes a writer and that stuff about writing what you know or writing what you want to know.

I say that’s all a bunch of hooey.

Take it from me, Mr. I’m so great nobody remembers my name. I’ll show you how to make it big as a writer. It’s easy. Many of my students who’ve just started on this platform are making millions of dollars a month on this platform. All you have to do is learn this one easy step, and you’ll be waltzing down the red carpet of this platform as a famous writer in no time.

Do you want to make it big as a writer? Really, do you want to make it big as a writer here?

Okay, then here’s how you do it. All you have to do is write crap.

It’s all the rage these days.

The very minute you start writing crap, editors on this platform will snatch you up and distribute you in over six hundred million topics all at the same time.

They’ll beg you to write more crap so they can feed their millions of followers who love to read crap. They’ll ignore your typos, your misuse of their and there, you’re and your, and your incessant tendencies to repeat the same content over and over just to get a six-minute read.

They’ll overlook your clickbait titles and literally swoon when you repeat your crap message, repeat your crap message, repeat your crap message, repeat your crap message.

And never fear. The editors won’t ignore you like they do all of the hacks on this platform. They will have their eyes only on you as long as you continue to write crap. They’ll happily forget about all the other writers and just stare longingly at your prose.

These editors who fall in love with your crap will ignore all the other hack writers who submit their work each day. Oh, yes, they will. They’ll put everyone but you on the shelf, ignoring all the heartfelt, thought-provoking pieces, all the genuinely humorous or beautifully poetic work these writers put out. They’ll pass on these resonating works of creative genius Every.Single.Day.

Why?

Because these writers aren’t writing crap like you. They refuse to write for the money, and they refuse to write what all the editors want to read just to get distributed. These writers are true to themselves and their art.

How ridiculous is that? They’d rather write stories from the heart which will get them nowhere than crap which will make them a fortune?

What is wrong with those people?

These writers have been here for a long time, writing beautiful stories for a long time. In fact, they’ve been here so long they deserve to be ignored. Hey, you’re the new shining star in town. It should be your chance for fame and fortune, right?

All of them? Well, as I said, they had their chance, but they refused to write crap. They continued writing messages from the heart. Writing pieces that actually mean something, things which matter, things people should be reading.

So screw all of them. It’s your turn now, right?

Hey, but no worries. These editors don’t have the time and inclination to look at those hack writers’ work anymore. They would rather concentrate on crap writers like you.

Because writing crap is where it’s at.

If you want to make it big here and have the money flowing in and the constant distribution to all the people who love to read crappy stuff, then continue writing crap.

Continue to use your clickbaity titles, and repeating stuff nobody really cares about. Within only a few short months here, your nome de plume will be on the tip of every crap reader’s tongue.

You, my self-indulgent plebe, will soon be rolling in dough, and be the one writer everyone seeks to emulate. All the new writers will desire writing crap the way you write it. You’ll have followers by the millions. You’ll even have to hire someone to write your crap for you because you won’t have time to write it yourself.

Don’t research what you want to write about. Never edit your work because if you do, you may want to consider writing your crap different or correcting some of those sixty thousand typos. Then where would you be? You’d be just like all of those hack writers the editorial staffs here refuse to look at.

Remember plebe, you’ll never make it here writing decent, well-written stories or ideas.

If you want to get noticed by the editors here, take it from me, you gotta write crap.

Thanks So Much For Reading

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