HUMOR
I Made $100k From Writing — And It’s Easier Than You Think
The ultimate guide to becoming a successful writer
$102,069. That’s how much I made last month as the most successful writer on Medium.
So, if you want to be a full-time writer (like me), here’s what you need to know about making money online:
It’s Not Too Late To Start A Writing Career
All you need to do is work 23 hours per day, every day.
Why? There’s a lot of competition. And if you want to stand out from the crowd, you need to be willing to do what others aren’t. Often, that means hustling your face off until you can hustle no more.
Work hard. Not smart.
Calculate The Necessary Work Ethic To Achieve Your Goals
Let’s say it takes two hours to write and submit a blog post.
If you earn an average of $50 per article, it’s easy to calculate how many articles you’ll need to publish per month to earn $100k. The answer is two thousand. Easy peasy.
Charge People For A Course On How To Make Money
All the big writers on Medium do it. They’ll charge $100+ for an overpriced online course filled with more fluff than a Pomeranian. If you don’t know what one looks like, here’s a photo:
AS YOU CAN SEE, THAT DOG IS SUPER FLUFFY. I wrote that in caps to emphasize how much fluff is in most online courses. It’s ridiculous.
Anyway, most of the information in online courses can be found on the internet for free. Do these things if you want to learn more:
- Read eBooks
- Listen to Podcasts.
- Watch YouTube videos.
Use online resources to improve your writing. It’ll probably be a better use of your time than getting ripped off by someone who has a financial interest in getting you to buy their course.
If All Else Fails, Ask Your Family For A Small Loan
This is the secret to success for many big writers on Medium. They know that my articles are better than anything they could ever publish. So, they ask their family for a small loan of $100k to cover their monthly expenses.
As a general rule of thumb, it’s easy to get rich if you have a wealthy family. Just ask mommy or daddy to deposit a large sum of cash into your bank account. Then, claim you made every cent from writing online.
A Final Thought: Quality Doesn’t Matter When Your Main Competitor Is Me
Several people have floated conspiracy theories as to how I’m able to write (and publish) so damn much. For example, some writers believe I’m a sentient robot who’s slowly taking over the world.
Are the conspiracy theories true? I’ll let you decide. But for the sake of shutting down speculation, let’s just say I’m human.
Anyway, I can write several articles per day because I’m a walking, talking, productivity machine. Heck, I’m writing this article in the middle of a construction site just to prove that I can focus in chaotic environments.
As a writer on Medium, I’m your main competition. So, you need to prioritize quantity over quality if you want to beat me in the algorithm.
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Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered financial, business, or legal advice.
