Make Better Decisions in life Using This Three-Way Conversation Method

The conversation we need the most is often the last one we think about

Have you made important decisions in your life that with hindsight were not what you really wanted?

When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself?

Often, these types of decisions are due to a lack of information about our true desires, thoughts, and aspirations. If you think about it, when was the last time you had a conversation with yourself, a conversation to explore the inner you — to ask tough questions and seek tough answers?

As we progress through life we have lots of people who teach and guide us, in effect, shaping the way we make decisions. This is not a bad thing. Who in their right mind doesn’t see the benefit of advice and counsel?

There is a danger though. Many people spend the rest of their lives trying to fit the mold their parents, teachers, employers, and society at large has standardized for them.

Conforming to a good mold isn’t a bad thing either. But if that mold isn’t something you can understand or value, in time, it will feel like a prison from which you’ll fight to break free.

How does one go about understanding how to shape their life? I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I do have a simple conversation method that gives deep inner insight and understanding. Two things needed to make better decisions in our lives.

The ‘Me, Myself, and I’ conversation

There are three characters in this conversation and each has a vital role to play. So give a voice to each without restraint. Who are these voices?

• Me — Me is the interpreter, negotiator, arbitrator, and final decision-maker. Me walks the middle ground between Myself and I, listening and evaluating each one's opinion. Me is the balancer of your life and the character who should ultimately decide on right and wrong, good and bad, reasonable and unreasonable, beneficial, and useless. Me is the only character with a comprehensive overview. The other two characters are solely focused on their own perspective. However, Me needs their input in order to find the best possible solution or decision for them all.
• Myself — Myself is the thinker and analyst, problem solver, and strategist. Myself leans toward the conservative side and takes time for deliberation and fact-checking. Myself operates with very little emotional input.
• I — I leans toward emotional and impulsive action. The heart, not the head is the primary decision-maker. I is always focused on wants not needs.

Who would deny that we have all three of these characters inside us? And who would deny that they are more often warring rather than coexisting in peace?

When that happens, Me is not doing its job efficiently. It’s shirking the responsibility to balance and control the activity of the other two characters. But, before he can balance anything he must listen to and weigh the value of the other two’s opinions. That calls for a three-way conversation.

Sample conversation

I — “I want a new car.”

Myself — “Our car is only four years old and is still under its extended warranty. I don’t see the need for a new car at this time.”

I — “But the dealer is having an end of the year sale on if we don’t trade soon we’ll lose value. Besides, you haven’t seen that beauty on the showroom floor. It’s your favorite color and has all the bells and whistles we weren’t able to get with our present car.”

Myself — “We just paid the car off. I think we should take care of a few other bills before we think about another large purchase. Let me get some figures together and think about this.”

I — “You always have to think and in the meantime, someone else may buy the very car I want. I don’t know why you just can’t give me what I want?”

Myself — “You’re always wanting something and act like a spoiled child when you don’t get it!”

Me — “Hey guys, let’s not get personal. I does have a valid point about trading at the right time to get the most value from our present vehicle. But Myself is also right in thinking ahead and protecting our financial situation. Let’ do this. We’ll let Myself get all the facts down on paper so we can look at it together. And while he’s doing that, I can get some specs on the car he likes so if we have to purchase at a later date, he won’t forget those bells and whistles he wants.”

This conversation was about money but the model can be used for many aspects of our personal lives. It could also be about relationships, career decisions, educational choices, travel destinations, health care choices, personal beliefs, lifestyles, etc.

3-way conversation benefits

This 3-way conversation will, over time, reveal selfish tendencies, irrational thinking patterns, basic character flaws, and many other negative traits. This isn’t unusual since we’re all imperfect creatures. However, it can also uncover altruistic traits as well. With time, we can work on diminishing the bad areas and enhancing the good ones.

If we take the time to have this type of conversation with ourselves, think how much better we’ll understand how to move forward with thoughtful decisions that aren’t made arbitrarily but by a collective consensus that better reflects who we really are or who we really want to become.