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the team meeting is about to end.And the question is only relevant to them.Fun, right?<h2 id="92ad">Communicating to Understand</h2><figure id="939d"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*zRrXp4QE9IyhE7dn"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@wocintechchat?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Christina @ wocintechchat.com</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>My personal goal at work is to be an available coach for each individual, no matter how much they may challenge my values.As I began sitting with difficult people, I realized that they just wanted to be seen, too.Likely, I’m not the only one avoiding them.Seeing the humanity in everyone is essential, not only to business but to life in general. Are they bothering you because that is how they cope with their levels of hurt or discomfort? This is not intended to dismiss their actions but rather to give some context.<h2 id="29b1">Fighting a Fighter</h2><figure id="8864"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*9-qbacgVSuyHauGS"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@chriskendall?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Chris Kendall</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Instead of being vulnerable, the gloves often come up first. This is a strategy for many, but the complainers own this technique. They know how to navigate the ring extremely well.Why battle someone who is fighting themselves so fiercely that they cannot even see that it is you they are swinging at?So, get out of the ring.Instead of putting on gloves, open up your body language. Listen to what they are saying and they may take their gloves off, too.I’ve found that once people realize that speaking to me is safe, they can take off the guards that never served them in the first place.<blockquote id="339c">“We all grew up and experienced at varying degrees trauma, disappointment-hell. Hard Stuff. We armored up and at some point that armor no longer serves us.” Brene Brown</blockquote

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Trauma response is something that only some of us are privileged to be able to identify and actively work on. It’s not a quick process, and the internal struggle can be exhausting.That exhausted person goes out into the world feeling unseen, undervalued, and much more. How about we become the people who see them?It’s not for the weak.<h2 id="e2d0">Loving Kindness</h2><figure id="19bf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*-JqLwRyk4e2Yprna"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sagefriedman?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Sage Friedman</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>For me, my first step in meeting these “difficult people” where they are is meeting them on my yoga mat during my morning meditation.I envisioned them during a guided loving-kindness meditation. I spread love to every living being on the earth. I held tenderness to all.Then, I took my practice off of my mat.<figure id="8a53"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*46DdO1HpMPhF2rn0"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@jonahbrown?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Jonah Brown</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>I talked with the very people I was avoiding. I kept my values in doing so, and I held my boundaries firm. But I saw them.Hi, my name is Jasmine. I’ve been on Medium for a few weeks, and I am working on growing a community of positive-minded folks. Join me.<div id="7930" class="link-block">

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Loving Kindness Is Not For The Weak

Caring for the people who annoy you

I admit it, I will walk extra slow to avoid talking to someone who annoys me.

They wave me down to gossip, complain, or talk politics. I’m pretty stealthy as I figure out every alternative route to my destination.

Which stairwell? How’s my pacing?

I often blame it on my introversion, but that’s not fair. I just want to avoid people that annoy me.

Is anybody with me? No?

Them Vs. Us

Let’s face it:

The annoying people in your life were not sent on a mission to ruin your day.

Their insistence on gossiping is an attempt to connect. Gossip has been something I’ve been working on being around less because it goes against my value of compassion.

Wait, I’m avoiding people as an act of compassion? That doesn’t vibe either.

Damn it. I need to show compassion to those people, too.

Complainers

I imagine everyone works with complainers. No matter what the situation is, there is someone at fault who needs to be held accountable, IMMEDIATELY.

This person is also frequently the one who asks more questions when the team meeting is about to end.

And the question is only relevant to them.

Fun, right?

Communicating to Understand

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

My personal goal at work is to be an available coach for each individual, no matter how much they may challenge my values.

As I began sitting with difficult people, I realized that they just wanted to be seen, too.

Likely, I’m not the only one avoiding them.

Seeing the humanity in everyone is essential, not only to business but to life in general. Are they bothering you because that is how they cope with their levels of hurt or discomfort? This is not intended to dismiss their actions but rather to give some context.

Fighting a Fighter

Instead of being vulnerable, the gloves often come up first. This is a strategy for many, but the complainers own this technique. They know how to navigate the ring extremely well.

Why battle someone who is fighting themselves so fiercely that they cannot even see that it is you they are swinging at?

So, get out of the ring.

Instead of putting on gloves, open up your body language. Listen to what they are saying and they may take their gloves off, too.

I’ve found that once people realize that speaking to me is safe, they can take off the guards that never served them in the first place.

“We all grew up and experienced at varying degrees trauma, disappointment-hell. Hard Stuff. We armored up and at some point that armor no longer serves us.” Brene Brown

Trauma response is something that only some of us are privileged to be able to identify and actively work on. It’s not a quick process, and the internal struggle can be exhausting.

That exhausted person goes out into the world feeling unseen, undervalued, and much more. How about we become the people who see them?

It’s not for the weak.

Loving Kindness

For me, my first step in meeting these “difficult people” where they are is meeting them on my yoga mat during my morning meditation.

I envisioned them during a guided loving-kindness meditation. I spread love to every living being on the earth. I held tenderness to all.

Then, I took my practice off of my mat.

I talked with the very people I was avoiding. I kept my values in doing so, and I held my boundaries firm. But I saw them.

Hi, my name is Jasmine. I’ve been on Medium for a few weeks, and I am working on growing a community of positive-minded folks. Join me.

Jasmine Persaud - Medium

Read writing from Jasmine Persaud on Medium. Value-oriented writer sharing experiences and thoughts on personal…

medium.com