Lovely Illusions: A Gay, Trans, Aromantic Poem About Aching Desire
Feelings of deep yearning and hope towards a guy I once loved

Heart-fall blossoms plunge down Into the autumn woods, Deep velvet birds, caged and sad, Look with longing at the sky. Plumage fumes with burning smoke, Silver trails sluice down into the dark water.
Roses gold and ephemeral Cast down their petals of change and warning, Dream mansions beckon you To grace their halls With your boughs of envy. Snow birds twitter among the sharp strong leaves, And funnels feed into a dusty crater Of the pale, battered moon.
I enjoin you To rise with us in our lustrous dance, Hear the horses prance Across the creamy-blue carpet. Everything is lush and liquid, Soft and soothing, A healing balm to your tired skin.
Lights flash in the clouds, Platforms dazzle into dubious life, Where shadows fade and darkness spells. Feather-light touches Ghost down my body, Rippling with ripe desire, Bending the entire antiquity Of my existence.
When the curtains are drawn, You and I linger In the warm, tender darkness. So many murmurs, So many promises, Thrown into the melting violet sun.
Mirror shards reflect The corners of my uneasy heart, Scanty images float through my mind, An ill attempt to fend off An invisible enemy. Limpid notes bubble From the fountain of your voice, Encouraging me to make my choice.
In this theater of fate, A row of glowing carts Roam up to my startled eyes. Cards of emerald collapse before me, Stunning my limited sight. Forests of cypress Revel me with their passion, So sweet in the making, So rough in the quaking.
Will you choose the woody creek, Where freedom will be yours But home will be an unstable place? Or would you rather pick the jeweled scepter, And live in a plush castle That ties you to its heart? I choose neither And sprint towards The flowing summer water, So poignant in its melody, And so peaceful in its embrace.
Last year, I tried out Grindr for the first time. Little did I know that I would become close friends with someone, and even fall in love with him.
This was the poem I wrote back then to express my longing, hope, and confusion. I wanted a relationship that was more emotional and lasting than friends-with-benefits, but not a romantic one, either.
Not long after, I confessed my love to him. He reacted by unfriending me and disappearing from my life. I am no longer in love with him, but I still love this poem. I hope you like it too!
If you want to know more about what happened with this guy I once loved, and what I did after he left me in the dust, you can read the story below:






