Godspeed, Mrs. Fidget!
Let the joyous news be spread, she’s really most sincerely dead
Who’s Mrs. Fidget?? Well, before we get to her, a word about the above photos, which are all in the public domain.
They’re from a collection called “Criminal Faces of North Shields — The Women.” They were all women prisoners brought before the North Shields Police Court (United Kingdom) between 1902 and 1916.
You assumed they were relatives of mine?? Well, I’ll admit there’s a resemblance, but we won’t get into that… 😅
As for Mrs. Fidget, I’m a big C.S. Lewis fan, and he mentions her in his book, The Four Loves (1960). Here’s the relevant passage, the emphases are mine:
I am thinking of Mrs. Fidget, who died a few months ago. It is really astonishing how her family have brightened up.
The drawn look has gone from her husband’s face; he begins to be able to laugh.
The younger boy, whom I had always thought an embittered, peevish little creature, turns out to be quite human.
The elder, who was hardly ever at home except when he was in bed, is nearly always there now and has begun to reorganize the garden.
The girl, who was always supposed to be ‘delicate’ (though I never found out what exactly the trouble was), now has the riding lessons that were once out of the question, dances all night, and plays any amount of tennis.
Even the dog who was never allowed out except on a lead is now a well-known member of the Lamp-post Club in their road.
Mrs. Fidget very often said that she lived for her family. And it was not untrue. Everyone in the neighborhood knew it…
The Vicar says Mrs. Fidget is now at rest. Let us hope she is.
Ha! — The part about even the dog feeling liberated made me laugh, but I’m not ready to loose all the dogs in my neighborhood. There’s a lot to be said for leash laws and poo-bags. 👍
Reading the above passage knocked me for a loop. I recognized it immediately as a case of love gone wrong, but also in a broader sense — how we try to control people and keep them dependent.
Sometimes we do it by doing things for people they should be doing for themselves. It’s a behavior driven by what Lewis called Need-love. We need to be needed, so we try to make others dependent on us.
Doesn’t work, of course. It just smothers other people and breeds resentment. Genuine love — what Lewis called Gift-love — wants the other’s good no matter where that good comes from.
“Living for others” in a way that keeps people dependent isn’t a behavior that’s unique to mothers or fathers. Teachers and mentors face the same temptation. You have to desire the other person’s good. The end-goal should be their independence. That means a willingness to let go.
One additional thought: reading about Mrs. Fidget made me think of a guy I knew at work (in another life, I was a programmer-analyst at an insurance company).
He was a vice-president. When he walked by, people would make that Darth Vader sound — the heavy, raspy breathing (under their breath, of course).
He wasn’t a Mrs. Fidget. He sure didn’t need to be needed. But he had a similar effect on people. He was angry, demanding, suspicious, and quick to berate people. He cast a pall — a different kind of smothering effect. It hurt morale and kept people from becoming their best selves.
So let’s all agree not to wait till we’re dead to brighten people’s lives! 😊
(And stay out of the North Shields Police Court, you don’t want them posting your picture on Facebook!)
About Mark Armstrong: Mark’s an illustrator specializing in humor, branding, and content marketing. He writes about marketing and visual communication. He also writes humor pieces and reflections like this one.
Questions? Need an illustration? Send him an email.
