Love

Love is a Decision. First a Decision, Followed by the Feeling

Expected reciprocity? None. Anticipate — but do not expect.

I get to make the decision. For me, a decision precedes a feeling. The feelings are based on the decision. Otherwise, it's likely fickle and an infatuation or passing fancy.

I will slow my pace down a bit because this is important.

When I first meet someone, I decide whether to love them or not.

I rarely choose "not."

Frankly, there are various levels of love (for me). There's the "love them" because they are human and yearn for love like me. I didn't say earn. I said yearn.

We all yearn to be loved.

You can say no, Mike, that’s not for me. Well then, I can say something about your pants being on fire. We all yearn to be loved.

We all crave to be loved.

I'm not talking about the romantic kind of love right now, though we each crave some of that at some point. I'm talking about the great friends, do or die, always there for each other type of love.

It's a decision. And once decided, that is where the "do or die" comes into play. That's the kind of love and dedication it takes to be a Foxhole Friend.

First it’s a decision, then it becomes a muscle!

Love is a decision. After that? Love is a muscle, which I exercise often.

Patience is a decision. After that? Patience is a muscle that I exercise often.

Loyalty is a decision. Then, a muscle. Trust is a decision. Then, a muscle. These two have a slower decision-making process. A thicker velvet rope, if you will.

Before hanging up my cleats on this one, I want to discuss "reciprocity." Again, as I said above, I'm talking about something other than the romantic kind of love right now.

Reciprocity can be anticipated, but you should NOT expect or demand it. I believe that is selfish. Be accountable. Please make your decision and stick with it. Or, change your mind and choose whatever/whoever is next.

There have been hundreds (yes, hundreds) who have NOT returned my love. And I’m good with that choice. My love, after all, was my decision. I give love without expecting reciprocity.

When I was a house father for adjudicated teen boys, our "decision or feeling" conversation would go something like this:

Teen: "Yo, Popz, I'm not giving anyone my respect unless they give me some respect first, see.?"

Popz (me): "Let's say that someone else agrees with you. He feels the same."

Teen: "Then that's cool. We agree."

Popz (me again): "But if you wait for him to respect you first, and he waits for you to respect him first…after all, you agree…then when does anyone respect anyone? You feel me?"

They would chuckle, nod, and understand.

Moral of the story. Someone has to decide the first feel, therefore the decision precedes the feeling.

Here's where YOU chuckle, nod, and understand.

Next time, let's review my thoughts on the often elusive Happiness.

Hint: Happiness is a decision. Then, Happiness is a muscle. Exercise often.

Thank you, friends and readers. Feel free to clap if you want to or leave a response. You can also subscribe to my posts or our weekly newsletter, Reaching Hearts, which comes out on Saturdays. Both are free.