Love in Modern Society: When Did It Become a Commodity?
The sociology behind modern love through online dating.
Globalization has paved the way to a condensed world, where accessibility of information is easier and communication is made possible through a few taps on our smartphones. A globalized world has given birth to a common avenue of interaction via the internet and the World Wide Web. It is in this rapid emergence of information and communications technology that the phenomenon of online dating first surged through.
The success of online dating
Ideally, the concept of online dating may have come forth from the need to bridge gaps and expand social circles and choices for potential mates. It is in this regard that online dating has become successful. But ever since its inception, perceptions over the concept of online dating have become widely varied. Conversations among peers may find you in contrasting stances. Now context becomes an important basis for how the phenomenon is received, in such a way that for a liberal and middle-class woman, the idea of meeting dates from an online medium may not so much be terrifying, like that of a woman who came from a strict and conservative background.
The stigma of online dating
For some, the attachment of social stigma over online dating may have stemmed from the participation of millennials in the dating arena. Millennials, composed of young adults in today’s generation, have ultimately compromised how dating works. Their casual approach over dating has created all kinds of complicated situations for everyone involved in the dating arena. Consequently, dating has led to the disillusionment of romance by a handful of individuals in modern society.
The difference between courtship and dating
Before we delve deeper into the phenomenon of online dating, we should explain what dating means from a sociological standpoint and how it is different from the concept of courtship. Owens explains this difference precisely in her work, The Sociology of Love, Courtship, and Dating. She explains courtship using Reiss’s (1960, 1980) wheel theory of love, stating that “courtship is a process in which love only progresses in a relationship by successful completion in each subsequent stage.” She goes on saying that courtship differs from dating in a way that it “is more structured and subject to cultural norms.” Generally, courtship can mean “mate selection leading to long-term partnership” or as “codified behavior designed to lead to a permanent partnership or marriage.” Dating, on the other hand, is non-committal and usually so ambiguous in definition, that it sometimes refuses to subscribe to labels.
Millennials on online dating
The millennial approach towards online dating, and dating in general, may be explained through Lee’s (1973) typology of “love styles.” He identified six types which are as follows: eros, ludus, storge, mania, pragma, and agape. For this article, I will only be citing eros and ludus. The eros-style values sexual and sensual contact initially and considers this experience as “love.” Millennials, having been born in a fast-paced world, tend to misunderstand instantaneous connections made online as “love” and jump into sexual relationships immediately. Tennov (1979) calls this quick outburst of passion as “limerence” in which it is “a transient state that involves a preoccupation with the “limerent object” (i.e., the person one is falling for) together with idealization, mood swings, and physiological arousal.” The ludus-style, on the other hand, is more accurate in explaining how online dating works for millennials. “Love, to the ludus lover, is a game of strategy.” He sees it as conquest and is only primarily interested in the pursuance of multiple partners in an attempt to “limit emotional displays” and “maintain an advantage” in the dating game. This may be rooted in the non-permanence of relationships caused by the millennial’s refusal to fully commit. Throughout the entire relationship or non-relationship, the millennial always had one foot out of the door. It is the millennial’s way of keeping his options open because someone out there will always be more beautiful and better suited. The millennial, after heartbreak, believes that there is much more fish in the sea that dwells in the likes of Tinder, OkCupid, or Plenty of Fish.
The love experience
Bauman (2003) states that online dating in the modern era “epitomizes the privileging of desire over intimacy.” “He suggests that the art of loving has been replaced by a commodified imitation, the ‘love experience’, which models “other commodities that allure and seduce by brandishing all such features and promise to take the waiting out of wanting, sweat out of effort and effort out of results.”
Love as a commodity
Love, then, through online dating, has become highly commercialized because “it constructs relationship formation as [an] individualistic activity based on rational choice.” Online dating allows the user to brand himself in a way that he thinks will make him more marketable to other users. This is done through profile biographies, and the user’s profile picture, which constructs the “self as a product.” By doing so, the user can filter themselves to appear highly attractive in the online dating market. In the same way, the user can also filter out potential matches through an online algorithm produced by dating applications and sites in the guise of potential first date questions that assess user’s compatibility with others. This is similar to Alan Kerckhoff and K. E. Davis (1962) filter theory of partner choice in which couples pass through “a series of filters, including social characteristics, the similarity of values, and need complementarity.” It is in this regard that online dating has completely transcended the traditional meaning of courtship and has transformed the notion of love into a consumerist nature.
Works Cited:
Owens, Erica. 2006. The Sociology of Love, Courtship, and Dating. In C. Bryant, & D. Peck (Eds.), 21st-century sociology. (pp. I-265-I-272)
Barraket, Jo & Henry-Waring, Millsom (2006) Online dating and intimacy in a mobile world. In Colic-Peisker, V, McNamara, B, & Tilbury, F (Eds.) Sociology for a mobile world: proceedings of The Australian Sociological Association 2006 Conference, The Australian Sociological Association (TASA), University of Western Australia & Murdoch University, pp. 1–10.
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