Love Generously, Trust Cautiously

“Be courteous to all, but intimate with few.” -George Washington

In 1783, General George Washington, commander-in-chief of the American Continental Army, took time out of his busy schedule to send some advice to his nephew, Bushrod Washington, then studying law in Philadelphia. The elder Washington wrote:

Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

Love and wisdom are crucial to achieving success in our relationships — personal and professional. And in the course of my life, I have found George Washington’s sage advice to Bushrod to be profound and richly helpful.

People should be lavish with their kindness and prudent with their trust.

Be Kind and Loving to Everyone

In his letter to the church in Ephesus, Paul the Apostle wrote:

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31–32, NKJV)

Imagine just for a moment if everyone in the world took Paul’s advice to heart.

Speaking of the heart, it was Jesus who laid out perhaps the three most famous commands pertaining to human relations:

“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27 — a reaffirmation of Leviticus 19:18)

“Love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44)

“And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.” (Luke 6:31)

When asked who or what was meant by “neighbor,” Jesus replied by telling the parable of the Good Samaritan.

Therefore, the bottom line of Jesus’s teachings is this:

Love each person in the path of your life, treat them as you wish to be treated, and love even those who come against you as your enemy.

The Judeo-Christian tradition is clear: Be kind and loving to everyone.

Have all those who held to the Judeo-Christian tradition practiced Jesus’s teachings on love? No

Falling short of a standard, however, does not negate the standard.

And for those who may not share my Christian faith, I must respectfully point out that your particular faith perspective has no bearing on whether the teachings I’ve cited above are harmful or beneficial.

The best way to assess any standard or teaching is to consider the condition of our society if more people genuinely and consistently adhered to said standard. And in this case, can anyone dispute the fact that we would be much better off if more people exhibited love and practiced kindness?

We should all be kinder and more loving.

Be cautious with your trust

Love and trust are not the same. You can love someone, but not trust them.

The famous medieval theologian Thomas Aquinas defined love as a choice to “will the good of the other.” This is separate from the issue of trust.

You can desire, even work toward, someone’s good but not trust that person’s competence, judgment, or integrity.

It should also be noted that you can desire someone’s good, while not agreeing with or affirming that person’s beliefs, choices, or practices.

And it should further be noted that you can love and care for someone, but not necessarily invite or welcome them into your circle of friends or into a romantic relationship. Not everyone you care about is ready or able to be your trusted friend or life’s partner.

You will find that some people will betray, drain, exploit, or mistreat you. Some will neglect or ignore you. And some will simply not have the capacity to maintain a healthy relationship with you because they themselves are unhealthy.

People who value their emotional, spiritual, and mental health understand the importance of realistic expectations and wise boundaries.

Don’t succumb to bitterness or hatred when friends or family members let you down. Instead, learn from the experiences. And set appropriate boundaries and safeguards.

Always be kind and caring, but proceed with caution when it comes to your time, energy, and trust.

The high road of life is paved with both love and wisdom.