Marriage

Love Can Be Crumby

My wife can be a wise guy

When we moved to a Senior Retirement Community fifteen years ago, one of the many things we had to do was get rid of years of accumulated stuff. Some of that was simple. It’s either trash, yard sale, give to someone, or keep. We barely needed to think about most of it.

There were some things that were harder. For those, we had to make a decision: was it Useful, Decorative or of Sentimental Value? We’d argue it out, pitching our reasons why something deserved one or the other.

At one point I was frustrated by something I wanted to keep but she did not. Exasperated, I muttered something like “Next thing, you won’t want to take me!”

She stopped in mid sentence and looked at me for four or five seconds. Finally she spoke.

“Sentimental value.”

OK, wise guy. So I joked back.

“You want me. I’m tall, handsome, and incredibly intelligent.”

She was very quick: “I’ll give you ONE of those!”

I laughed and asked “Which one?”

She wouldn’t tell me and never has.

Why?

One day our younger daughter was visiting and was helping organize our pantry. I could hear them talking in the kitchen. My daughter exclaimed “Mom! Why do you have so many cans of this soup?”

My wife’s response: “I couldn’t help it. It kept being on sale.”

Location, location

We were taking dishes and other things from the dishwasher. I put something away and she informed me that it did not belong there. Joking, I pretended to be outraged and thundered “It goes where I say! I AM THE BOOPERATOR!”

Yeah, I don’t know what I meant by that, but it sounded impressive. Not to my dear wife, though. Without missing a beat she picked up the disputed item and shut me down.

“That may be, but *I* am the Dali Booperator.”

Who am I to argue with that? I’m sure she is the Dali Booperator and I do have to respect the chain of command. My job around here is mostly Lift Stuff and Fix Computer Stuff. I know that. I get great meals as compensation.

We fight!

We are definitely not an idyllic couple. That’s completely wrong. We are both strong willed and mercurial. We agree on most things, but when we don’t, sparks fly. We fight, we yell, we sulk. We do make up quickly — sometimes in mid sentence.

My wife is my true love, my very best friend, my confidante and my lover. She and I are both humans. We have our faults and our peccadilloes. We are not perfect.

After a little squabble the day before, I apologized and hugged her. As we broke away from the hug, she said ‘I love you”. I responded “I love you too” and then I jokingly asked “So what are we going to fight about today?”. She laughed and quickly answered “I don’t know, let me take a look around!”

Love

She does love me. She told me so this morning.

First I have to explain that I bake muffins for her weekly. Every morning, before she gets up, I put down a napkin with a small square of 88% chocolate on it, cover that with her favorite coffee mug, and put a fresh muffin on top. When she comes out to the kitchen, that’s all waiting for her beside the coffee brewer. I’ve been doing that for years because she once said she’d like to have a muffin every day, but the muffins from the bakery aren’t very healthy. So I started making healthy muffins and have never stopped.

This morning I hugged her as she came in, and then I went down to the bedroom to make the bed and brush my teeth. When I came back, she was eating her muffin. I hugged her again, because we’ve only been married since 1967 so I still kind of like her a bit.

Anyway, she said “Oh, I’m sorry, I got some crumbs in your hair.”

I said that was all right and that I still loved her in spite of that.

She’s always so damn quick.

“Love can be crumby sometimes”, she deadpanned.

That’s my sweetheart.

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