Lost In Space
With My laptop — aka Portable Life Support System
On a day off from a job that I kind of hate, I walked from a heartening household (that I am grateful for and that’s crushing my autonomous soul to live in) to a coffee shop where I find all my answers in life if I sit there long enough in the discomfort.
Yep. It’s one of those deep days where disconnecting from everyone and everything is necessary to reconnect with myself — which is incredibly inconvenient because tonight is Back-to-School night, and my social anxiety is already through the asphalt-shingled roof.
Where do you go, and what do you do to reconnect with yourself?
I pack my bag and head to my favorite coffee shop, where the coffee is strong and the bathrooms are clean (mostly). And daydream about how hefty the money bags will be on my way to the bank because of all the talented and top-performing freelance writing I’ll be doing someday. But, until then, I wake up most mornings with what feels like a three-ton elephant on my chest and do what I can to get by.
This morning, I asked myself the one question every single, vibrant woman in a rut asks herself: What is one supposed to do after divorcing her husband of fifteen years, moving in with her parents at thirty-seven, and following through with everything she said she was going to do even though her body shakes from trauma and fear while doing it— and still feels lost like an astronaut in outer space after three years?
I’m unsure of the answer (I haven’t been sitting here long enough). But at least my backpack, equipped with my laptop and journal, is like an oxygen box attached to an astronaut’s back while they explore unknown territory (i.e., the moon).
“When they were on the moon, astronauts wore a Portable Life Support System (PLSS), which was the large box on the back of their spacesuits. This provided them with oxygen to breath in and removed the carbon dioxide they exhaled.” — Mr. Google
At least I can keep breathing and writing while I figure it all out — one step, one word at a time.
Thank you for reading. I love you all! ❤
