Looking Back at 2020 — What A Year That Was!
“Look, it is not a typo. Here I am on December 26 in 2020.”
“How come you got so far ahead? The rest of us (7.8 billion) are still struggling to finish 2019.”
“It’s all because I read Carlo Rovelli’s book The Order of Time. You know where he rambles on about time?”
“Yes, I know he is a great physicist, and he has also said: ‘Physicists are not immune to talking nonsense.’ Go on, what changed your life when you read that book?”
“You know how they all rabbit on about past, present, future and of course the very difficult “now” question. How many “nows” are there? Can you separate time from space? Does time even exist?”
“Now (Ha! Ha!) you’re the one who’s rambling.”
“Well, when reading Rovelli’s book I discovered the secret formula to move ahead just one year, and that is why I am now in 2020 and you are not! That formula is all about how the present converts time into space but space is really time in the past. Get it?”
“Er… no. Tell me the secret.”
“You must be joking — I may sell it to Jeff Bezos. It might be useful in helping him to speed up Amazon Prime. It is hopeless at the moment. But in the meantime, I am just going to enjoy my unique vision and laugh at you all struggling through 2020.”
“So, what were the main highlights of 2020?”
“Well before you ask, Joe Biden has been elected President. Twitter went bankrupt after Trump was forced to resign in March. Mark Zuckerberg committed suicide. Not even a Facebook post or a status update from him. Appalling! Then the United Kingdom became Little England. The Irish finally stopped squabbling about a tiny province and decided to become one nation. After 900 years. Now that was progress!”
“I suppose the planet got sicker and sicker, ice all melted, forests all burned… that sort of thing?”
“Yeah… pretty standard. But one amazing discovery was made.”
“What was that?”
“Scientists discovered a drug to cure dementia in April 2020. It was so successful that dementia patients very quickly became lucid, intelligent and rational beings again. The drug is called DemenGone by the way.”
“How did that affect the whole nation so quickly?”
“Fast-acting drug. The old dodderers became super active and started creating havoc in all the old people’s homes. They sacked the lazy staff, started cooking and dressing themselves and going out for walks. They formed consortiums and sold them all off and became rich very quickly.”
“Incredible!”
“They then started taking over companies as CEOs. They started bossing everyone around them again. They had no problems in adapting to social media. Families were terrified to see their previously befuddled grandpas and grandmas on the driveway all neatly dressed and talking sense. The grans were back! Kids had to sleep on the floor as they wanted their old rooms again. They were everywhere. Taking back their old jobs and sneering at everybody.”
“You thought we were just golden-agers or oldsters, didn’t you? You were just waiting to get your filthy hands on our money…. .You called us senior citizens but your real name for us was dotards. Now you’ll see you can’t just get rid of us so easily.”
“You know what? After just three months, the GDP rose by a whopping 25% and the economy was booming. More jobs and people began to smile again and forgot the misery. There was just one problem.”
“What was it? Sex?”
“No, libido remained unchanged, and they still had their aches and pains but they had such mental clarity and alertness that nothing could stop them.”
“So, what was the problem?”
“One of the side effects of this drug is that it makes people aggressive. So all these kind old dodderers had become thugs. Beating people up and punching folk. Some of them even started taking UFC and karate classes.
They wore badges with a big red DFF (Dementia Free Folk) and they were taking over the whole country. Demanding this and threatening that. It was becoming terrifying. They had to call in the Army at times to restore peace and order.”
“What did Congress do about it?”
“They asked the FDA to fund an emergency program to find a drug that could be taken together with DemenGone and not affect mental capacity. They just wanted alert, lucid folk who would stop beating people up.
Fortunately, a drug called CalmdownDear was discovered. Big Pharma made a fortune but the whole nation began to relax. Electronic tagging ensured the new youngsters were taking both tablets every day. If they skipped a dose and were aggressive they were locked up. They were given new (blue) badges with DFCF (Dementia Free Calm Folk).”
“And they all lived happily ever after?”
“More or less.”
“When are you coming back?”
“Never. Remember, time is an illusion especially at weekends!”
