Looking at Impostor Syndrome Through the Lens of Our Childhood

Think of it as a psychological test of sorts.

Impostor syndrome and I go a long way back.

That old friend IS has been with me and my writing journey for as long as I can remember, really. Any time I’ve had even a whiff of something remotely relating to success, he sticks his big nose into my business and wants to know what’s going on. It goes beyond just being annoying. It’s an inspiration killer.

I’ve thought a ton about impostor syndrome over the years, being such an experiencer, and I’ve wondered why not just I have these issues with it. I also know so many other creative people deal with it, too. Some cripplingly so.

Knowing so many of us go through it, we really should try to get to the crux of why it happens to begin with. Maybe in that way, we can figure out how to work around it.

Lots of variables, but maybe an overarching theme for some?

Now, I know when it comes to things like this, there are tons of variables. Each of us carries a different set of weights on our creative backs, and depending on our circumstances, including our current environments and experiences, there does seem to be a couple overarching factors that add to it.

For example, in my research on the topic, I’ve discovered a lot of people who have crippling impostor syndrome also had rough childhoods. Some grew up quite impoverished and had to overcome it. Others, like me, suffered abuse at the hands of our parents or bullies.

Whatever the case, I think understanding a lot of us have those kinds of backgrounds is interesting, when working to discover why we can’t seem to accept ourselves or our talents.

It leads me to wonder if, at least in part, impostor syndrome happens because we’re looking at ourselves through the lens of our childhood selves, and have trouble taking credit for the adults we have now become. It’s as if we’re still staring at our mirror image through the children we were and just never learned to see ourselves as we truly are.

Could it be a sort of compartmentalization?

Perhaps that kind of issue is due to traumas. Trauma and PTSD brains work in funky ways sometimes, and are especially good at compartmentalizing themselves unexpectedly.

Could it be, then, that impostor syndrome is just another aspect of that compartmentalization? Do we have issues accepting ourselves and our successes because we’re looking at them through the eyes of the person who went through the trauma?

I think, in my own experiences, that seems to hold true. The more I explore the after-effects of a childhood filled with abuse, the more I realize I can’t really take pride in the things I do.

That sort of thinking was rejected by my parents, and they made sure I was never “too full of myself.” Maybe that old friend I. S. is just an extension of them reaching his little fingers into all of my pies and making a mess of things.

Take heart. You and I are not alone with this.

While I may not have the answers, I can at least take comfort in the fact I am not alone with this set of trials. He’s my friend, and, unfortunately, is there with so many others, as well.

Have you ever looked at your impostor syndrome through the lens of your childhood? Perhaps, like me, you have something there lying to you, too.

Here’s to hoping we can all work through that dang nightmare.

Thank you for being you.

Keep striving to “be the best you that you can be” at this moment. Remember, no matter who you are or what you’re going through, you are worthy of being loved. Don’t let anyone teach you anything different.

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