Looking After Your Mental Health Over the Holidays

Practical Tips to Prioritize Your Mental Health While You Navigate the Holidays and Find Peace in the Festive Chaos.

Something I started learning in therapy this year is identifying persistent emotional states as they progress through cycles. People with Borderline Personality Disorder often experience a rapid cycling of emotional states similar to ultradian bipolar. One of the reasons I started doing this was to try to catch the cycle early and prepare for the switch to the next progression of the cycle.

Generally, the cycle moves from anger/frustration and resentment (usually aimed at myself) through to depression and then a manic explosion of energy before finally settling for a bit. Sometimes, these cycles can run really quickly (like within a day), but I mostly sit in each progression for about a week or two.

I’ve found the practice really helpful in identifying and acknowledging my feelings. Once you accept that the feelings are happening, it becomes much easier to find where they’ve come from and where they’re going (processing them). This past week, tracking my emotional cycles has been particularly helpful in identifying a depressive state. In thinking about where it comes from, I realized that it probably stems from something we all actually struggle with to some extent.

The Sad Side of the Festive Season

To many people, the festive season symbolizes friends, family, and relaxation, all coming together into the peak of enjoyment before starting the new year. And I’m not knocking it if that’s what it is for you. It really should be. Any time you get to spend relaxing and enjoying life with those you love should be something we all look forward to.

Unfortunately, the festive season often comes with way more baggage than the festivities and peak vibes we see splashed across our screens. In reality, it’s not a great time of the year for many people.

A study by the National Alliance on Mental Illness in the US once reported that as many as 64% of participants felt that the holidays made their conditions worse. Another study from South Africa published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health found, over 20 years, that the festive season tends to consistently raise suicide rates by up to 5% more than the rest of the year. Let alone the rise in overall suicide rates from 16.4% to 31.6% in the 20 years.

Since then, the state of the world hasn’t brought about much difference, and I’m sure that that percentage would only have gone up. Right now, the world is seeing a particular brand of hatred and destruction unfold in ways we couldn’t even imagine. I don’t even know how to comprehend what victims are experiencing during what should be such a joyous time. And that alone makes me feel worse about my place in the world.

The Internal and External Struggles of the Holidays

If you’re struggling with existing mental illness and traumas, it doesn’t even have to go that far. Most of us struggle with a raging war within ourselves, and seeing the extent of the outside world only exacerbates it. Whether that’s seeing the violence on screen or seeing everyone happily plodding on without a care in the world, it comes at you from all sides. Even without all that, the pressures of having the “perfect Christmas spirit” or enjoying lavish holidays like you see your “normal” peers having really dig into managing your personal normal.

For those struggling with relationship issues, grieving loss, or financial difficulty, it’s so easy for it to become a depressing, anxiety-ridden experience. This period can often bring up difficult memories, regrets about the past, or anxieties about the upcoming new year. A lot of people actually feel pretty isolated during this time. It’s really hard to listen to everyone planning their events when you don’t have similar relationships with the holidays.

If you celebrate religious holidays that aren’t as popular this time of year, it’s also pretty common to feel a bit left out or forgotten. Add the unrealistic expectation to perform for everyone around you and the global commercialization of the holidays, and you’ve got a real mess on your hands.

Taking Care of Yourself Over the Festive Season

If any of this resonates with you, I’m sure you’re wondering how you’re gonna get through this time. The truth is that there isn’t really a roadmap for it. In my experience, there will be ups and downs. All you can do is try to be mindful of this as you navigate it. As hard as it is, it really is crucial to prioritize your mental well-being.

The typical advice usually includes very generic tips. But I actually find that they only really work if you’ve managed to establish them as solid habits in your life. Integrating things like meditation, exercise, and yoga are all good and well, and they can be particularly beneficial during the hustle and bustle of the festive season. If you already have these practices in your life, please lean into them. They really can help reduce stress, calm your mind, and improve your mood.

But the stress of trying to set up these kinds of routines during the already stressful season might do more harm than good. The other thing I find with these practices is that they’re not gonna be your one-stop shop for a stress-free Christmas. They may help you find peace and calm, but they aren’t going to solve all your problems.

Practical Tips To Protect Your Peace

Deep down, we all know that if you’re in the trenches over the festive season, you’re gonna have to do more than sweet yoga moves to stay safe. Protect your peace from within. If home is where the heart is, then you have to make sure you’ve got your house covered first. Consider some of these pointers and add your own to them if you can.

Set Boundaries

This cannot be overstated. Knowing your limits is key during the festive season. And honestly, this should be key far beyond the festive season. You want this to be a prerequisite for anything you take on in life. It’s okay to say no to any invitations or activities that feel overwhelming or stressful.

Setting boundaries will help you manage your energy levels and emotional bandwidth. Most of all it will give you a very clear sign of who’s who in your life. Communicate your needs clearly. Whether it’s family, friends, or a partner, if something triggers you, it’s okay to take it off the table or stand up and walk away. Remember, setting boundaries is a form of self-respect, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Take Time for Yourself and Maintain Your Routines

Right off the back of boundaries, it’s essential to always make sure you’ve carved out some personal time, even with a packed festive schedule. Read a book, go for a walk, or just do absolutely nothing. These things are okay. Setting aside even just a few minutes each day can make a huge difference in how you feel, both physically and mentally.

Try to maintain your regular sleep patterns, exercise routines, and diet as much as possible. It’s really easy to get a little silly over the season, but more often than not, you’re going to end up feeling guilty. Sticking to your routines can provide a sense of consistency and control in the chaos of the festive season.

You don’t need to be performing for everyone. Recharge your batteries and make sure that YOU can fully enjoy YOUR holidays. And for the love of god, don’t let anyone tell you that taking time for yourself is selfish. Firstly, it’s not. Secondly, it’s a necessary function of self-care.

Set Realistic Expectations

The portrayal of the holiday season in media and social networks can create unrealistic expectations of what life looks like, especially around the idea of the perfect holiday. We all know Instagram is curated, and things are rarely picture-perfect.

Try to avoid comparing your experiences to other people you see online. It’s perfectly normal for your holiday to look like something else. Your holiday and your celebrations should be for you, and they should make you feel fulfilled. If anything, the festive season is a time to find peace and happiness within yourself, not the stress of the perfect Instagram timeline.

Manage Your Financial Stressors

Financial pressures are a major stressor during the festive season. We all want to treat ourselves and others to the best of the best, but is the instant gratification worth the guilt and anxiety of blowing all your money and having to struggle until your next paycheck? If you don’t have one already, create a budget and stick to it. You should actually try to keep this one going throughout the year. I’m by no means the best at this but trust me, the benefits pay off.

Remember, meaningful gifts don’t have to be expensive. Sometimes, just sharing your time and energy with someone can be just as, if not more, appreciated. Be honest with yourself and others about what you can afford. If you need to impress someone by showering them with money and gifts, they shouldn’t be in your life anyway.

Be Mindful of Your Inner Narrative

The end of the year is a natural time for reflection, and setting intentions for the new year can be a grounding exercise that helps focus on personal development and well-being. But be mindful of how you navigate this process. Don’t just focus on challenges and shortfalls. Celebrate your successes and try to reframe your challenges as learning opportunities to tweak your approach.

Don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t managed to check off all your boxes. I barely cross off items on my to-do lists every day. It’s easy to get caught up in what we didn’t achieve or what’s gone wrong. This reflection process can provide a sense of closure for the year that’s ending and a sense of hope and direction for the year to come. Acknowledge your growth and the lessons learned, no matter how small.

Don’t Turn Away From Getting Help

If the festive season becomes overwhelming, it’s important to lean into any support systems you have. It’s okay to not be okay during this time. Loneliness can be a huge issue during the holidays, and believe me, you do not want to get stuck in that hole.

Talk to friends, family, or a mental health professional, even if you have to do it on the phone or social media. There is no shame in it, and you’re already showing so much strength for just recognizing that you need the help. Words can’t describe how beneficial it is to speak to a therapist or counselor, even if it’s just to talk to someone.

Be Kind to Yourself and Stay Safe

The festive season can be demanding, but you really do have a say in how you navigate it. The pursuit of a perfect holiday experience will only lead to unnecessary stress, and living out the holidays for others will only leave you broken. Embrace the idea of finding what really serves your peace. Please be kind to yourself and prioritize taking steps to look after your mental health. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions during this time, and it’s okay to ask for help if you need it.