Lonely with Thousands Around Me.

It’s Never About Being Physically Alone.

What is being lonely? It’s distinct from being alone. If you have a living physical body near you, you’re not alone. If you’re jam-packed with people and feel alone, then you’re lonely.

People travel alone, to feel relaxed and charged — a break from our busy lives. Something to help us find ourself. But loneliness is not exactly the same.

I grew up lonely. Despite my parents being very socially active, I couldn’t attract people. I can’t still. I used to be alone and lonely. Now I’m just lonely. It’s not like I don’t have friends, or I’m some sort of a wallflower. I do have friends.

I used to envy those who had girlfriends or girl best friends who would do their assignments, look after them, feed them and so on. I only had my mother who would look after me like that. At least I had her.

I’m not screaming for somebody to babysit me. I never had to depend on anyone because of my loneliness. But it feels good when you know someone will be there for you always when you screw things up. And you would need someone who understands your wavelength. My mother can give me advice. But it’s never the same when you have someone of your age group with you.

Do you know what the worse thing is? When you had someone, and then you’re back to square one. That hurts!

When I was in a relationship, It was like I finally got what I wanted — someone who would answer my calls without any fuss any time. Someone who can take care of me when I’m not capable of myself. A shoulder to lay my head, as my tears would wet her dress.

It need not be romantic. In time, I realised that Friendship is the foundation of a romantic relationship. If not, the relationship would become a liability to both.

And then, I lost that person. I’m back to where I was. I would have no one to call whenever I have a lump in my throat. No one to celebrate my happiness with.

The next thing you would try to do is to find someone among your social circle to be that someone. Some might stick — for a short time. Very soon, you’re back where you were. And that drives you crazy. The thought that no one is there for you questions your existence.

Why would I want to live in a world where no one wants me?

It’s easy to read quotes about being lonely and be chill about it. It hits different when you’re the victim. You’ll want your someone to be your someone.

But I’m mature enough to realise how the other person would feel. And for their happiness, you would let them go when you realise they don’t feel the same way about you.

You’ll be around people. You can see them. You’re trying to reach our your hand, to tell them to please come to me, I need someone beside me. But your voice won’t reach them. They’ll assume your fine. They’ll have more other things for themselves to look out for.

Being lonely is the greatest disease a human can contract.

What can you do about it?

I did some research and came across many remedies. But most of them are not easy to execute. But that’s life — nothing great comes from easy.

Focusing on yourself

I recently was at a peak of loneliness. For most of the days, I had a lump in my throat. There were people around me, but none of them was worth it. So I dusted off somethings that I promised myself I would do as a part of my self-improvement program. Some of them are — regular writing, reading one book a week, working out. I don’t have a long list. I focus on a few things at a time and then update them from time to time.

Less overthinking

I’ve always been an overthinker — to such an extent that nothing came as a surprise to me. Did you promise to meet me today? I can think about what disease your grandmother has because of which you won’t make it today. We’re planning a trip? Cool. When are we cancelling?

I focus on a few things at a time and then updating my list every now and then.

I applied the same thing here. From thinking about things about what can happen until my death, I started to think till next week. Thinking only till next week. It’s not easy, but you can get the hang of it.

Reaching out

If you feel like you have someone who would listen to you, reach out to them. Don’t think otherwise. You might feel like you’re a loser, a creep, someone who can’t handle your mess by yourself, for reaching out. But everyone has their share of problems. Make use of opportunities lying around you. Make your strength. Use that strength to help others in future.

Therapy

There’s no shame in going to therapy. Our mental health is as important as our physical health — even more. If someone having professional qualifications can tell you how to get your shit together, what more is needed?

Studies have shown that loneliness affects your mental and emotional health, and timely diagnosis and therapy can help you to explore new directions to reconnect with your positivity in life.

I never have been to therapy. Now that gives you the right to question my credibility to give you this advice. But I’ve read and heard from many professionals that thousands of suicides could’ve been prevented if they had knocked a therapist’s door.

Loneliness is not forever

I used to think about how I’ll die alone, no one to hold my hands when I’m at my death bed. I always get upset when I see a happy couple and think of what I’m missing out.

At times, life surprises me. Life has a habit of proving me wrong most of the time. When I think of how I’ll die alone, someone will start caring for me. When I’m filled with those who care for me, just like that, I would end up lonely. It’s very weird. I mean, what’s the purpose here?

So always remember, loneliness is temporary.