Loneliness — a growing crisis

Everyone faces loneliness at one time or another. But now even Governments have “Ministers of Loneliness,” such as in the UK.

I am sharing a few personal examples of how I experienced and overcame Loneliness in different stages of my life.

There are a few times — starting in my early childhood when I experienced acute loneliness. I can think of nothing worse than to feel real loneliness.

I don’t mean being alone — this is very different from being lonely. I love being alone.

We can be surrounded by friends and family and feel lonely. Not being seen or heard and understood.

My first experience was as a toddler. When my mother, in utter frustration and helplessness, just locked me in a bedroom. She needed to get some work done. I still remember that feeling of abandonment, even though I knew she was close by.

For the most part, I remember a happy childhood. But this one experience stayed with me.

Another experience in my childhood maybe I was about 10 years old.

My Family had to go visit relatives, and I had to stay back by myself. There was no room in the car for another person, and I was the only one who could stay back. Friends and neighbors were usually not home on the weekends.

At first, I thought I wouldn’t survive that day. I knew I was safe but all alone. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, even things I enjoyed doing by myself. A sense of despondency came over me.

Finally, I decided to make the best of the situation and started with my homework. I turned on the radio and found the right station — beautiful classical music I never heard before.

I felt a sense of joy and peace flooding my entire being — something I never experienced before.

From then on, time went by quickly. Before I knew it, I heard the car arriving outside our house. I was showered with love and affection from my family — we felt immense joy being together.

What could have been a miserable day turned out to be one full of gladness. This is a crucial component of overcoming loneliness. We are not meant to be lonely. We need connection. And to feel connected with others depends more than anything on ourselves and our attitude.

Animals, especially dogs, are wonderful companions. I thought I didn’t like animals. Until our family got a brown Labrador. My teenage son took the responsibility to care for her. She was still a puppy. We named her Maya.

Years later, one day, our son and his girlfriend came for a visit. Maya was so overjoyed — she started to slide on the floor back and forth. She jumped up and down the stairs, which she was not allowed to do — but she could not contain her enthusiasm, her joy to see them.

We can learn how to express ourselves more freely — maybe not going crazy like our dog — but certainly, we could turn up the heat a little.

Another time, after I returned home from work, Maya noticed that I was upset (over something at work). She sat down in front of me and kept -looking at me — her head bending from one side to the other.

No one ever looked at me like this. Full of concern and wanting to make me feel better.

I had no choice but to let go of my animosity towards my boss and tell her that I was okay. But she didn’t believe me. She kept looking at me to make sure I was really okay.

Again, I had to deal with my negative emotions still lingering until I was fine. She felt that.

Finally, she put her head down, still looking at me with her sad eyes. It took some convincing until she took a deep sigh, closed her eyes, and relaxed.

I never believed when people told me stories like that since I had no such experience before.

Case in point: There are many ways to overcome loneliness and rediscover the wonders of life.

I have experienced firsthand how we find ourselves in such a state, and it seems impossible to get out of it. I have experienced the other side as well when I wanted to help someone deal with deep loneliness. Sometimes, I was able to make a difference, often not.

It is important to set up our lives to create a healthy balance. It is easy to get consumed by work and other responsibilities. We forget to build and cultivate meaningful and lasting relationships. Maybe there are times we feel we don’t need them.

Until one day, we find ourselves with no real connection to even family and people around us. We may not even like ourselves. That’s a lonely place to be. But it is never too late to make changes.

I live with my husband in an apartment complex. It is a nice place. But people don’t relate to one another much. Even if the office invites tenants for certain occasions — people don’t show up.

Recently, I started to walk around about 5 pm when people usually come home from work or school. It has become a habit that I am looking forward to. It takes time to build to get to know one another and build trust.

Conclusion:

Institutions have limited ability to help overcome loneliness. We need to go beyond a certain discomfort, be ourselves, and allow others to be themselves. Refrain from criticism and judgment and take a genuine interest in others. This works!

Maria De La Rosa

Enjoying Life