Cat-a-Tonic

Everyone Needs a Spirit Animal

In 2019 when Loco came to live with us, he was very traumatized by the new house. He hid under the bed for over a week, but did come out a few times. It took a while for him to adapt to our house and his new surroundings. He was old when we got him, 15. But soon he was investigating the rest of the room. After two or three weeks, he began to venture downstairs. It was all new and fun for him as he discovered different parts of the house.

The lady I got him from is Anita. I couldn’t believe she just handed him over to me and how she could give him up. I don’t think I could ever give up a pet. But she gave me his favorite toys, bowls and hiding tower. She came to visit his about two weeks later to see how he was doing. I sent her photos and little updates along the way and she always seemed interested in how he was doing.

Anita said he loved being outside and that he was “Never going to be a lap kitty, so get the idea out of your mind.” She told me the favorite things he liked, especially chicken jerky treats.

Loco didn’t act like an old cat, he walked up and down the steps finding new places to hang. He loved to go outside and roll around on the front porch. He would eat the grass, roll around and investigate. I had to stay with him because I was afraid he would disappear on me and I didn’t want him to get hit. Once we got the RV, he loved to go under it and hang out.

We took him camping with us. It was a new adventure. There was not a lot of space to walk around, but he was glad to be with us instead of at home. He and Shadow had a good time and found cool places to hide in the RV.

This Never-going-to-be-a-lap-kitty was my snuggle bunny. He didn’t just sit in my lap, he would come up on my chest and hug me with his paws. He loved to hug all his people.

Inevitably, he would have one paw right on my jugular, which sometimes made me nervous as he looked into my eyes-adoringly or calculating? Sometimes I wasn’t sure. Is death by a cat scratch to the jugular a real thing? But I knew he loved me completely, so if he did scratch me, it would have been out of love. Sometimes I got the feeling he wanted to consume me…

He would sleep with me, and always had to have a paw on me. I grounded him and he grounded me. He would sleep between mine and the Hubs’s head most of the night, for the most part, giving us all the room we needed. Sometimes he would put his butt in Hub’s face, if he could get away with it.

He liked to have things to hold onto, a hand, an arm, a remote control. And he always sat like a gentleman, with his front paws crossed in front of him. As he took his last breath, that is how he looked. Completely cute.

Loco would go through the house in the middle of the night calling “helllllooo… helllllooo.”

During the afternoons, he would sleep on the bed, and whenever I came into the room, he would greet me. During the pandemic quarantine, when we were so stressed and unable to get out of the house, I would rub my face in his fur. I would listen to his purr. I would feel the warmth of his body, the soft downy fur and just feel everything was OK for just a minute. Several times I would meditate. Then I’d rub my face in my kitty and I would feel better. He never minded being there for me. He was my cat-a-tonic.

Not only did he let me cat-a-tonic to him, he let my daughter do it too. He is the only cat I ever had who would allow such utter disrespect of his body and space! He never minded if I woke him up just to have a cat-a-tonic on him. Perhaps the animals could sense the stress we were under during our Covid quarantine?

And he did love laying in the sunbeams, going outside and rolling around in the sunshine. It was a normal occurrence that every time we let the dog out, he would come to the door too, wanting to go out as well. I miss him sitting by the door. I miss his trying to get out between my feet, or the dogs feet.

He loved to sleep with me, next to me if he could find the room. At times I could feel his spirit melding with me. At times I felt he was truly human, perhaps a spirit of someone I love who is gone from this earth. We were that connected. On more than one occasion I asked him who he was, but he would just look back at me adoringly. Our spirits had melded.

Loco loved Colt and Shadow too, he would often give Shadow kisses and actually taught her how to give kisses to Colt. The three of them got along very well, unless someone tried to steal a treat.

One day both Shadow and Loco invented a game, they used the couch and the wall to create a bowling alley and ran the ping pong ball back and forth down it. I thought this was pretty smart for them to create this themselves.

He loved to play with the ball ring and the other toys we had. For an old guy, he was still spry and playful.

And he would sit by the back window, looking out at the birds in the yard, desperately wanting to go out and get them.

Time after time I wondered how Anita had given away this precious soul. He had become my friend and spirit animal like no other kitty I have had. He could feel me and I could feel him.

Loco had started losing weight and reduced appetite, but was still having a good quality of life when the vet came for her annual visit. She gave him a rabies shot and he seemed to decline right after her visit.

I took him to another vet about 3 weeks later. He was OK, but was definitely slowing down. She gave me biomorphine and some appetite stimulants. He had a good night that night and ate some.

The next day he just wasn’t himself and didn’t move much. I took him outside and he seemed to perk up as he sat under the camper. He ate a couple of treats, but wasn’t too interested. He kept wanting to go into the bushes though and I was worried I would lose him and not be able to find him again.

After an hour and a half, I did find him and brought him inside. Sunday he was definitely not good. I game his biomorphine, and appetite meds, but he wouldn’t eat at all. I couldn’t entice him with anything, even his favorite jerky treats.

I took him outside for two reasons, one to perk him up and two because Anita was coming to say goodbye to him. I didn’t know it was really goodbye because Loco started dying right there outside. He looked me in the eyes and told me he was dying. It was clear in his face. My only thought was to make his passing easier so I gave him more of the biomorphine.

Anita came, said goodbye to him. He perked up ever so slightly when he heard her voice. She got to say goodbye to him. We brought him back in, put him on the bed.

I didn’t want him to be alone when he died. I stayed with him and held onto him. I called the vet, she wasn’t much help. I gave him more biomorphine.

I kept that contact with him while he laid there for several hours. I knew it was important to him.

But then I realized it may be the contact with him that was keeping him alive. So I let go of him and went to the top of the bed and just let him be. Then he stretched his back, put his head back to find me. He looked me right in the eyes and said goodbye. I came to him and he curled forward and just died.