Lockdown Love Gone Bad

Breaking Free from a Controlling Relationship

So here goes. A few people have suggested sharing more personal stories here. This is just a snippet of a personal story attempt. I’ve decided to write this after reading so many posts on Narcissism here, as I’ve only just realised that this sadly resonates with me. I don’t know what’s up with the formating further down this story? I pasted it from Office, and it’s corrupt, sorry.

The short version

My ex (who I won’t name) and I fell head over heels a year before the first UK lock down. Five months in, our love felt like a warm blanket from all the craziness outside. We cooked together, watched movies curled up tight, living the dream we both wanted and actually

enjoying the time together in

isolation. But slowly, like cracks in a sidewalk, things started to change.

My phone went from my own thing to always by his side, he called this "caring” and said he was concerned

that some of my friends were trying

to pull us apart. He insisted on my unlock code as well.

My friends became enemies, their calls met with cold stares and jealousy. Even our fridge, once a happy land of healthy snacks, turned into a fight zone for his so called “healthy plan” and apparently to make sure we were prepped. “These were his rules, not ours”. He even controlled what I could watch on Netflix.

The jokes he used to make me laugh turned into sharp words that hurt, my opinions were brushed aside like crumbs on the table. The air got thick with silent blame, like a pot boiling. I felt like I couldn’t breathe at times. The guy I loved, the kind and supportive guy, faded away.

He had been replaced by someone who just wanted to control everything. He wouldn’t even let me walk round the corner to the shop on my own, because he thought I’d start dating the guy behind the counter.

But even in that dark fog, a tiny spark lit up. One late night, scrolling through my phone, I saw a headline on my Twitter that hit me like a punch "Narcissistic Abuse." Each word sounded like my now miserable life, a scary reflection. Denial, confusion, losing myself bit by bit. It was all there, staring back at me.

That night, after a massive blowout and hours of foul words and abuse, followed by tears and apologies, something new inside started to escalate. I managed to get some sleep, feeling crappy and very emotional. When I woke up, I

realised he’d gone for a walk on his own, texting me saying he’d be back in a few hours with no explanation at all.

I didn’t know where he’d gone, but I knew that he’d be coming back with wine and beer. I knew that however the rest of that day went, there would be arguments and control in the evening. I decided not to let it escalate any further with my hands shaking, full of adrenaline, I swiftly packed his stuff into bin liners, and phoned his parents. Screaming for them to come and get him,

I let everything out in an emotional

burst of blithering words. His dad sounded really confused on the phone, and his mum was trying to talk me around. I wasn’t having it I screamed and said that I’d be leaving my apartment and locking him out with this stuff in the garden if they didn’t come.

I managed to pluck up the courage to phone him, and I’m glad I did. I lost it with him screaming my head off and told him exactly what I thought of him. He tried getting angry with me, but something boiled up inside me and I took complete control of the situation. I screamed down the phone until I could hear him crying his fake tears. When he got back to the flat I had his stuff in a pile in the garden.

His parents came, looking really confused. He was still begging at my front door in denial and disbelief. He eventually packed his stuff into their car and got in.

As their car drove off, a wave of relief washed over me. My apartment, once a place of rules and expectations, became my haven again. Laughter, long silenced, filled the air again. Friends pushed aside before, came back strong. I’d never felt so happy to be alone, even during a lockdown.

There is more to this story, and perhaps I will tell it in my own time. He has hassled me since, he has been back once. This is just a little snippet to let people know I’m human.

Getting better isn’t a straight line. Sometimes I hear his voice, or doubt whispers in my ear like a bad friend. But with each day, the fear fades, replaced by the strength of my new freedom. He’s "moving on," they say, but it doesn’t matter compared to the couple of years he tried to control mine.

My story isn't just mine. The word "narcissist" floats across so many articles, a secret language for people who've been through this. Love blinded me, until that night on my phone. To anyone out there in the dark, I say this: you're not alone. Freedom is possible, even after the storm.

This story's not over. Share your voice, learn from others, and trust your gut. That feeling inside, that unease, that doubt? It's your inner compass, pointing you towards the light. Remember, sometimes all it takes is a single word and the courage to listen.

And to you, reading this, if you see even a bit of your life in mine, reach out. You deserve a world of respect, understanding, and real love. You deserve to breathe free.

LunarLinguist