Summary

The article discusses the author's increasing anxiety amidst eased lockdown measures due to the Coronavirus pandemic, despite personal achievements, and the societal pressure to be productive during this time, as highlighted by a conversation with a friend suffering from sickle cell disease.

Abstract

The author reflects on the global reopening amidst the ongoing pandemic, acknowledging the "new normal" of social distancing and mask-wearing while expressing a personal sense of control by focusing on the present. However, the author is troubled by societal expectations of productivity during lockdown, as exemplified by a phone call with a friend named Kate, who feels inadequate compared to the achievements she perceives others have made. The author critiques the proliferation of motivational quotes and influencers pushing for constant achievement, feeling pressured to have something to show for the lockdown period. Despite some personal accomplishments, the author feels that societal standards for productivity during this time are unrealistic and overwhelming.

Opinions

The author has accepted the lack of control over the future and focuses on present decisions to ensure a healthier future.
There is a critical view of the societal obsession with productivity and achievements, especially during the lockdown.
The author feels that motivational advice and influencers can be overbearing and contribute to feelings of inadequacy.
The pressure to be successful and the fear of being labeled a "hater" for not engaging with others' successes on social media is highlighted as a source of stress.
The author believes that merely surviving the lockdown, as exemplified by the friend's situation, is an achievement in itself and should be recognized as such.

Lockdown Is Easing but My Anxiety Is Increasing

I had a phone conversation and understood why

Photo by Марьян Блан | @marjanblan on Unsplash

Whilst we are still in a Coronavirus Pandemic, the world is opening up for business. In England, shops are open, households can meet, outdoor gyms are open. But none of this can erase the fact that 10 million people have been tested positive across the world and over 500,000 people have died. There is no cure and no vaccine, and we still do not fully understand the nature of the virus.

There is doubtless a ‘new normal,’ with social distance queues and masks being the most visible. Leisure activities, international travel and mass gatherings are limited. The threat of coronavirus has not gone away, so my life as I knew it has changed, forever.

But none of these faze me. I learnt a long time ago that I was not in control of my future. I focus on my present and take the decisions which I hope will give me a healthier future and a fighting chance of getting through if I contract the virus. If you don’t believe me, here’s my over-kill medicine cupboard.

But I have been plagued by one anxious thought. ‘Have I been productive during lockdown? What have I achieved?’

Let’s talk about Kate

I spoke with her just the other day

My friend, Kate (name changed) has a debilitating illness, sickle cell disease. She has been shielding alone for over 16 weeks. Each day is a battle to get out of bed. She is depressed and lonely in a daily struggle to survive. I had been calling her regularly during the period. She never picked up or responded to my texts. Recently, she did.

Kate apologised for missing my calls. ‘I did not have have the strength for a conversation,’ she said. She went on to talk about my Facebook feed and all the great things she read on my feed. She mentioned other mutual friends and how they seem to be doing well with life. Pictures of birthdays, home-schooling kids, walks, business and more.

With barely hidden envy in her voice, she said, ‘I feel so useless, you have achieved so much in lockdown, my friends all look happy and fulfilled. I know someone else who has started a business. But I have done nothing.’

I was quiet on the other side on the phone. She had outlined the same fear that had nagged me for weeks. I have not done much with the time given to me in lockdown.

The double bane of motivational quotes

The ever positive bunch gets on my nerves

In the last few years, there has been an annoying multiplication of ‘motivational speakers and wanna-be influencers in the personal development space.’ On Websites, Blogs, on Facebook, WhatsApp Groups, Adverts, Inspiration Quotes. Like dust, they find a way into every breathing space. With tons of look-alike advice, ‘Lockdown is an opportunity, use the time wisely, do something.’ Their well intentioned help is robotically crafted:

Ten Strategies to Overcome Procrastination
Seven Ways to Get up in the Morning
My Secret to Everlasting Joy and Success

Aargh! -somebody shoot me or shut them up!

I get it, I write motivation stuff myself. But what is it about the 21st century that puts such high value on ‘achievements?’ I want to be a failure, is that ok? Apparently not!

Some days, I wanna do nothing. I want to be lazy and eat doughnuts, but these Preachers of life won’t let me wallow in peace. As lockdown eases, I know the obligatory not-too-subtle social media boasts will start. In my network, people would have:

Written a new book
Finished an online course
Learnt a new language
Lost weight
Learnt a new skill
Started a new relationship
Started a side hustle
Sold thousand copies of whatever
Gotten a new job
Cleaned out the garage
Built a new software application
Launched a business
Gotten new clients
Delivered zoom webinar
Become an influencer

I see each smug achievement and hear a loud shout, ‘WHAT DID YOU ACHIEVE?’ To add insult to the injury, I am obliged to like the post, or termed a ‘hater.’ I read a post on facebook, a while ago that went something like this: ‘when you become successful, your friends will disappear. They will stop liking or commenting on your posts. They were never your friends. They are haters, jealous of your success.’ How did such a term emerge? I am not allowed to be envious?

On the one hand, motivation quotes and articles make me feel like I am not doing enough, and on the other hand they make me feel like an outcast for not going with the flow. Eat shit, Eight billion flies can’t be wrong!

Lockdown is easing

And I have not done enough.

As easing measures were announced, I recognised the feeling in the pit of my stomach, as my mind ran through the list of things I would have liked to achieve during lockdown. It was anxiety. I thought of the hours I spent watching ‘Better call Saul, The Last dance, and tons more Netflix shows. Add that hours spent on on TikTok, WhatsApp and YouTube.

My motivational friends would term it ‘wasted time.’ Unproductive.

I get it, I really do. We have been given a gift of time and many people are taking advantage of it. This includes me, my writing had improved and grown during the lockdown period. I have learnt a new skill, I started a new job. But despite my achievements, it’s not enough. I still feel there is more I could have done.

Back to Kate

I had been quiet for too long.

Kate continued to speak about her anxiety, her fears and how she would cope in the world after lockdown, as people emerge with their achievements. I had heard enough, she was going down a black hole from which there was no return.

‘But Kate,’ I said. ‘You survived, isn’t that enough?’