Living With Dissociative Identity Disorder

When no one cared enough, my own mind saved me.

As a young child, I always thought other people were weird. They just didn’t seem to act the way that I thought was “normal”. I later learned that no, I technically am the weird one. Most people remember what they did that week. Most people do not find handwriting that looks unfamiliar in their notebooks. Most people’s imaginary friends are just pretend, not other personalities in their minds. And while most people can easily shift from a work “personality” to a hanging out with my friends “personality”, that is all still their own sense of self just being presented differently.

It was not until I was an adult, that I realized I was the one who was not the same as other people. I thought there was either something very wrong with me or that everyone else was just better at hiding it. After years in therapy, I was diagnosed with DID. I spent a while doing EMDR therapy to help ease the distress of emotions. I discovered I was able to build a sort of communication system with the other parts of my mind. I have regained many memories of what was done to me. What my mind locked away into a different state of self. Things are not easy, but I am perfectly we. We are happy. We are learning to work together rather than fighting ourselves. I will never be a singular “I”. That is not my goal. My goal is to work together and have each Alter find their perfect place. I have dozens of separate notebooks. Each is filled with a different alters thoughts and feelings. This was the first way we started to get to know each other. We continue to grow and evolve. I will forever be thankful that my mind was powerful enough to save me, even when no adult could.