Living With ADHD

After 35 years of living against it

I realized recently that I have ADHD. I read an article about ADHD now being understood as a spectrum instead of a single point, and it described thinking and behaviors that were spot on. I had actually talked to my doctor throughout the past year, and was on a medication for ADD. But now I realize that ADD/ADHD are the same thing. I don’t like the names, as I don’t think they truly reflect what is happening. I am not even entirely sure they should be classified as disorders honestly. But let’s talk about the names, so we can clear the air.

• ADD — Attention Deficit Disorder
• ADHD — Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Some quick research shows me that ADD is actually outdated. That is the problem with a lot of things right now. Information is coming at us faster than we can process. I have it, and didn’t realize ADD was outdated until I started writing this. So from here on, I will use ADHD as the official designation.

Let’s break down the parts of the name:

• Attention Deficit — I can’t speak for everyone, but I have found I can pay extremely close attention to certain things. Everything else though, well, that is a bit of a different story. So I don’t feel this is particularly accurate.
• Hyperactivity — I have never considered myself hyperactive. Up until lately, I have found myself living a rather sedentary lifestyle. So I never grouped myself into this ADHD bucket.
• Disorder — What is a disorder? According to a quick search, an “abnormal mental or physical condition.” I have a lot of thoughts on the terms “normal” and “abnormal”, but they are beyond the scope of this. Let’s just say I don’t agree that this is a disorder at all.

Ok, so now I have shown why I think the name is completely inaccurate. Now it is time to prove how my experiences led me to this conclusion. In order to do so, I am going to examine my history, what I have experienced, and ways that I have managed to cope throughout the years.

Models

In order to talk about my personal history, I want to describe a couple models I will use. The first is a spectrum between “Work Ethic” and “Genius”. I like to put people on this spectrum based on how they solve problems. Some people will work their asses off, until they finally achieve their goals. They are almost entirely over on the “Work Ethic” side.

On the other end, there is “Genius”. These are people who do nothing directly, and wait for that inspiration to hit and they can solve their problems. To me it is really the balance between physically solving problems and mentally solving them.

I have always tended very much to the “Genius” side. I have done well through school, work, etc., by learning as much as I could about anything. Eventually, I would figure out whatever I needed to. But I never had the “Work Ethic” part figured out. I couldn’t really necessarily direct my efforts into a specific problem. It was more of a scattershot approach, trying to throw as much into my brain as possible until something came out.

Something almost always did though. Eventually. I just never knew when it would. And that was the problem. Whether or not we want to be, we are tied into the concept of time. But what changed for me?

My Eureka Moment

First of all, it was the realization that ADHD is a spectrum, not a point. That was a bit of a eureka moment for me. I read something along the lines of “ADHD is having a constant stream of thoughts buzzing past like a busy highway, and you need to grab on to the right car.” I actually think I may have just mixed examples from 2 or more articles in that, but the point I feel is accurate.

And that hit me. I am not the only one dealing with this. I have read a ton about ADHD, mostly related to dealing with it in children. Both of my kids likely have it. It also is very commonly passed down genetically. All of a sudden, I could see why people in my family do things that they do. A light turned on for me.

Changes

And I started to do things differently. I let my focus go where it wanted. I started to observe. I asked myself why I did each thing that I did. I wanted to understand why my focus was being pulled from place to place.

This led me to the concept of mindfulness. I had read about it, but I never really understood it until now. Because when I started asking myself why I was doing the things I did, for the most part I didn’t have an answer. And things started getting dropped from my daily life. Things like eating especially. I realized so much of my tendency to eat was because I would get distracted and eventually end up at food.

So now I am the healthiest I have been in a long time. I am down about 40 pounds over the last six months, and I still have a long way to go. But I will reach that eventually. I am no longer worried about it, because I have made a ton of these small adjustments to my life.

I no longer have issues with alcohol. I used to drink until things were gone, mostly out of boredom. Now that I understand both what I am doing, and why I am doing it, I don’t have those issues anymore.

So that is my personal life, but what about academically/professionally?

I am currently working on another masters degree. I just got promoted at work. I may be pursuing a PhD at some point. That is a lot to handle, and I have dropped the ball(s) several times.

But I realized something. You don’t have to finish something at the same time you started it. You can come back and build on it. So when I got rid of the distractions my brain naturally latched on to, I was able to start bouncing between things I actually wanted to do, and enjoyed doing.

There are of course still things to work out. I do occasionally (or frequently if I am being honest) drop a ball or two or three. But when I do, instead of blaming myself for it, I look for something to help me not do it again. And then I try it. And it works, or not. But these ideas feed my ADHD, and lead to more ideas.

Now, I am cranking along at speeds I never thought possible. I found out how to be at both ends of the “Work Ethic" vs “Genius" spectrum. And I am the happiest and healthiest I have been in a long time.