Living Through Other People Is More Than Just Escapism — It’s Exploration

Sure, have a life of your own but don’t feel bad for living through others. Sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do.

Living your life through other people has a bad rep.

It’s a problem when you only live through others.

So if you’re relatively happy with your life and you’re going after what you want personally, there is frankly a lot of upside in finding people to live through.

And it doesn’t matter if that’s friends, family, or just someone that posts content on the internet.

There are so many situations where living through someone else can improve your own situation. It can educate you and provide an experience you otherwise wouldn’t have had.

Different is Fascinating

Seriously, how would you like to be someone else for a day? An hour? Or even just ten minutes?

What if instead of doing whatever you do now, you could go around different neighborhoods power-washing driveways, or travel around the world to discover the finest eats at the local 7-Eleven, or spend your time touring other people’s tiny homes?

Ok, those are pretty niche.

I get it. Maybe it’s not your idea of a perfect life or even a remotely good time. But that’s part of the reason we explore — to find what we didn’t even know we liked.

Being A Passenger On Someone Else’s Journey

One of my friends went to Japan straight after college to try to become a J-pop star. He studied science. It was a bold move and I admired his willingness to chase his dreams. Particularly, as a lot of people talk about what they want to do but never even try.

I’d love to tell you that he turned into a successful J-pop superstar but it just didn’t happen. After realizing how tough it was, he pivoted to becoming a YouTuber and as part of that process took on part-time work as a video editor.

But being a YouTuber wasn’t much easier. He eventually threw in the towel 3 years later. Fortunately, it wasn’t a complete waste of time because his experience filming and editing landed him a job as a full-time videographer.

So it sort of worked out in the end.

Even if the journey isn’t something you would pursue personally, it’s great to see someone go after it. At least he took his shot. Even if he missed and had to struggle for a while, I think it’s pretty inspiring to see that he still managed to make something out of it.

While I could’ve picked a more linear and larger-scale success story, I think this one best reflects the realities we face in our own journeys. It doesn’t always work out the way you want, but you can find a way to make it work.

The Delegation of Minor Passions

You can learn and get good at almost anything — I strongly believe that.

But I also believe in natural talent, advantages, and inclinations. Oh, and the limitations of a life that comes with constraints (time, money, energy, geographical, etc.).

If we prioritize and focus on the things we’re most interested in, we must neglect other areas of interest — our minor passions, our would-be nice scenarios.

Maybe you love a particular game or sport, but you’re so busy with work, studies, or other passions that you don’t have the time to put in the hours to practice.

Even if you had the time, it’s possible you wouldn’t enjoy the grind it takes to get good. It can be super frustrating when what you want to do and what you can do are so far apart. So much so, that you may find watching a professional play much more satisfying.

So instead of spending thousands of hours trying to get better, you could just learn to appreciate the game as a spectator.

Finding enjoyment in spectating takes away from the pressures of playing the game yourself. You get to focus more on what’s important without feeling like you’re missing out.

The Life You Could’ve Had

If you’ve ever been in the position where you wondered what could’ve been, it’s possible to observe people who have taken the route you avoided.

I often live through old classmates and ex-colleagues. I love catching up with them and hearing about what they’re up to. I’m sure it’s the same for them. We’re not afraid to get into the details — good or bad.

They give me an inside view into what it’s really like working in whatever industry, and the kind of life they’re able to live. And they get the same from me.

There is some weird sense of closure you get even when it isn’t your reality being played out. From time to time, there are insights you gain from others that can help steer your own decisions in both your professional and personal life.

But often, it’s enough just to know someone went the other way.

The Life You Never Considered

Some people do some really weird stuff and I don’t mean that in a bad way. They do things you’d never even think to try.

There are people out there who grew up in more or less the same circumstances as you, they had the same opportunity set and they chose something drastically different and unusual.

Something exciting happens when they succeed. The more unlikely the success, the better. They open up a whole new opportunity set for everyone else and it gets people thinking differently. It makes them realize that some of the seemingly impossible things in life are actually possible.

Seeing people accomplish feats like this can encourage you to do the same. Whether that decision to do so comes immediately or a few years down the line is inconsequential. The fact that their story can motivate you to go after something you want is pretty miraculous.

The Life Beyond Your Personal Limits

There are lives you could never live.

Maybe you weren’t born royalty or extremely wealthy. Or maybe you’re just deathly allergic to a particularly delicious food group.

There are people out there who live the life you could never have. And vice versa.

Some things really are beyond our limits. Maybe it’s a structural issue with the way the world is organized. People from one part of the world have more opportunities than those from another.

There are also things you can physically do but for other reasons, you just can’t. Someone with a lot of dependents doesn’t have the same liberty of traveling solo for years on end as someone who doesn’t shoulder that type of responsibility.

Then there are people who are willing to take risks others would never consider. Some are willing to risk it all while others shudder at the thought of risking anything.

The ability to live through others who have lives so different from our own is pretty amazing.

Closing Thoughts

Some people take issue with the idea of living your life through other people. The issue only arises when that’s all you do.

Living through others doesn’t mean you want to be them, it doesn’t mean you want to do what they do. It just means you’re curious about their world.

When you live through others, you get to explore a different way of life. You broaden your knowledge of other cultures, professions, and lifestyles, etc. You become more empathetic. You see new possibilities.

You get to recognize that everyone has their own set of ideals and beliefs, and we don’t all have the same goals, opinions, or priorities. We learn to accept that things are often just different rather than right or wrong.

The ability to live through others shouldn’t be squandered.

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