Living Right on the Surface

For as long as I can remember I have been playing a foolish game of devil’s advocate. I campaigned for duality and wrong thinking accompanied with wrong behavior that the world has petitioned to be right. I have always had an opaque view of the world, but yet, many did not understand, so I became numb to what was right in front of me and became accustomed to it. I wanted nothing more than to be loved/ to be understood. This is where ego became prominent. Conversations were all mundane to me, because they (humanity) only saw the surface of what was being said, and I included. I saw beneath and beyond the surface, but how can a person like me actually have friends with this way of thinking, so I floated and became like them/ the sleeping doves.

What is surface thinking?

Surface thinking is thinking that lines up with the world’s view and nothing outside it can be so.

I didn’t realize how much me denying my truths that laid hidden inside would collapse and burn so vigorously, and create a world of heaviness into my life. I chose things that I didn’t like. I believed things, in which, I knew was not complete or accurate through the lense I saw through. I loved when it was not real. And worst of all, I hid when I knew the truth. I thought that I was doing the right thing by becoming something that I was not just to have a glimpse of being liked/ being loved. The words that people say doesn’t truly calculate with my spirit. It’s very difficult to be sociable. I try hard to be this person, but it kills me a little each day/ dying to be loved- what a poison.

I would laugh at the world’s stupidest jokes. I would dance because it looked good. I wore my hair like everyone else just to gain attention. I copied the world’s customs only to loose my own. Where is the irony in that? Nowadays, I get more closer to my spirit each day by deliberately stripping my world of all that is fictional and creating space for what is true.

Many years after, I awoke to a world full of mistakes. Not only bad things came from those mistakes, but some good things. I understand that what you think is bad maybe good in your eyes and vice versa. I understand because truths are hidden in the details. All have truths that they believe whether right or wrong, good or bad.

Who determines what’s good or bad?

Answer: The answer will always and forever be your spirit. Some people use only the physical parts of themselves, in which, requires reasoning to create different truths about their reality, but the real truths lay hidden only in the spirit.

Socially Misunderstood

I find it very hard to be amongst people for it diminishes my vision, and it confuses my spirit. Even though I’m aware, I am still human. Humans want love among all else in the world. It hinders my growth and imprisons my uniqueness. I work in a dentist office/ only as a source for independence/ nothing more. This is the way of life for humanity, but my vision is much more in the deepness than the surface. The people I work with has the same patterns of thinking as the world. Once again, I find myself dodging many corners just to be survive. I don’t how much longer I can live being bottled up in this prison I call home. It’s destructive and only agony awaits.

Lessons Learned

• It is truly okay to be very blunt with your wording. Leave no time wasted with energy you could be using for something of more importance to your spirit.
• Never let the weight of the world become your weight. You become the sweet aroma that it needs.
• Never close your eyes to who you are for nothing good will become of it
• The purest of loves first lives inside and grows outwardly
• The pursuit of gain and not self comes gravely with a cost that you are not prepared to pay
• The options of the world should not interfere or have any leverage over who you are and what you want/ reach for the stars and pull some down for others to capture
• Never underestimate YOUR POWER/ create your own reality/ decide who you are and become it
• The world’s view of love is flawed/ tainted flowers in a beautiful decanter.
• Real authentic love, I’m not sure if anyone has ever seen it
• There are many snakes with the occupation of destruction that lives closer than you know/ be aware of your surroundings
• Even though the world is tainted, it does not mean I should be one of them
• Nothing means more than finding your purpose and understanding who you are, for with it, you have the capacity to fully loves others
• Remove conformity and become an eagle by becoming one with its opponent/the wind /and conquering the skies

Who Do I Change, Me or the World?

How can a pot become the potter?

• Yes I did answers a question with a question!!

As of now, I no longer want to be in your category. I wish to only live and breathe the air of freedom that was given to me first as a spirit. I can not change who I was, but I can change who I will become. No more running from my purpose on earth. I will forge my own path with the materials I have acquired through all of my journey, and also, with the materials that I was created with. There is no need to keep chasing for crumbs when treasure awaits me with its arms wide open underneath the dirt I piled over it. I will bask in knowing that I lived amongst a dead world with hope and with truth.