Living Life in God’s Light

He sees you flawless

Shi-Ana wasn’t comfortable with it. Her best friend, Doonan, was suddenly good friends with her friend, Grace.

She felt crowded in, crowded out, and yes, she’d admit it: jealous.

Why was Doonan best of friends with Grace? What did they have in common that meant that she had to be shoved aside so, so unceremoniously?

Wasn’t she enough?

That question was like Pandora’s clichéd box opening: thoughts filled her mind, thoughts of all the friendships she had had that ended because her friends had found someone else.

Friendships that had lasted for so long, people who thought they knew her walked up to her and said to her face that they were surprised her relationship with so-and-so had lasted that long.

Did that mean there was something wrong with her? Was she that difficult to be around?

But Doonan, she had been a good friend to Doonan! Had stood by her through her darkest times, had shared her own moments of worry and grief with her… she had finally, finally begun to think that this one was The One: BFFs forever and all of that.

So why was Doonan turning to someone else for comfort? Why was she telling someone else all the things she would have normally told her? And why did it have to be someone she knew?

Why, why, why?

Shi-Ana mulled this over for a day and a night, and no conclusion was in sight. Instead, she sunk deeper and deeper in those ugly thoughts, those ugly feelings.

They had never been far away to begin with, always hovering there, waiting for something like this to happen.

She decided to let the friendship go. Faster than light, the snide voice said, “Yes, give up. That’s what you always do. Why don’t you fight for what you think is yours? Why can’t you fight? Because you know you don’t deserve any better?”

Shi-Ana couldn’t shake the thought loose. That day was their mid-week service in church. She needed to be upbeat to go into the presence of God! Alas, upbeat-ness had deserted her as well.

Head hanging, she went to church. The first thing she saw was Doonan sitting with Grace. She turned and went to a seat in the back. The service began, and the preacher started to preach. Shi-Ana sat there, staring, not really listening, until the preacher asked:

“How do you deal with perceived rejection?”

Shi-Ana perked up.

“Rejection, sometimes, does not mean that you aren’t good enough: it just means you aren’t ready yet. Other times, rejection means you have outgrown where you are now, and need to move on to something else, something bigger. No matter what it is that you have been rejected from, it is always, always, an opportunity to learn.”

Learn? Learn what? Shi-Ana thought to herself. Learn what?

Learn that I love you.

That still, small voice was unmistakable. Shi-Ana sat still.

“Learn that I have always loved you, and will always love you. Shi-Ana, I love you. You are loved. You are enough. There is nothing wrong with you, absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You are flawless in My sight, the apple of My eye, My most precious one. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t knowing who you are to Me enough?”

Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over. Silently, she replied, It is enough.

“No one has rejected you, Shi-Ana, beloved. The work you have done in Doonan’s life is a good one. You have helped her get back on her feet, stronger than ever. You have helped her establish herself in Me, her Father.

You have prepared her for the next phase of her life. She is not rejecting you: she is living the life you have set her up for. Look at her: she is still your friend. She no longer depends on you for support: she stays with you as an equal, a partner, a friend. You have done good in her life, Shi-Ana, and that is nothing to feel bad about.”

Shi-Ana knelt down, weeping openly now. It was as though she and her Father were the only people in that hall.

“Thank You, Lord, thank You,” was all she said, over and over again.

There was nothing wrong with her! She didn’t have to be jealous or angry with Doonan; she should be happy for her! Truly, all the years of praying for her and talking with her had paid off: Doonan was strong, fierce, and knew that she was loved by Love. Just as she, Shi-Ana, was.

She took in a deep breath, head bowed, thanking God over and over again. All she had to do was let Him speak, and the darkness receded. All she had to do was agree with what He said, and the darkness fled.

She was all right. She was flawless. She was loved.

She looked at Doonan; she was looking at her, concern written on her face. She got up and came to her. “Are you okay?” she asked. Shi-Ana smiled.

“I’m perfect.”