Living in the Gray
As I am moving back to wellness, I get quotes from Ryan Holiday and other Stoics every morning. These have been a great help in perceiving what is important and what isn’t. Instead of worrying about what others expect, do, become, my focus has changed to what I can give and accomplish and let the rest slide.
However, I still need to remember everything in moderation. I was the go-to woman and I was a train wreck waiting to happen. I need to be vigilant to keep from falling back into old habits. Which brings me to the quote for this week.
My eldest and I chatted like we do every weekend. By chatting, I mean hours-long talks about philosophy and life. They tried to remember a quote by Roosevelt about gray twilight and needing strife in your life to form your character.
We found it.
Theodore Roosevelt wrote the following words while he was the governor of New York in 1899:
“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
It resonated with me because many times we are in the “gray twilight”; neither moving forward with our lives nor going backwards, but staying in a neutral or limbo state with our cellphones in hand.
…poor spirits …live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
The past few years have caused us to slam the snooze button on life. We had to stay home and deal with the aftermath. Many of us had our health affected. I know that was me. I wasn’t used to slowing down, but it was important to my health.
Stoics say that without strife — regardless of whether you win or lose the outcome, you still win. Those who sit and golf clap on the sidelines do not experience, but observe. Afterwards, they go take a selfie. So many have stopped taking action. Life can be difficult.
Roosevelt talks about suffering. He had his share of that. His first wife and mother dying within hours of each other, his frailness as a child, the assassination of McKinley and his stepping into that role. He spent years in North Dakota to get over his grief.
People believe what they see in the movies. They feel defeated when disappointments aren’t solved in real life in ninety minutes. However, strife helps define you. You have to know when to retreat as well as to what causes your strife.
For me, taking on too many minor problems that are not mine. Even at the cost of my health, I would happily help someone. It wore me down. Projects which took a lot of energy and little reward.
Now, I’m more selective about projects and my friends. I am okay with that. It’s not who is always around you, but who cares.
My friends are a joy to me. A friend is someone who listens, cheerleads, and makes you feel appreciated. They don’t realize how a call, text, or message can mean so much. And they are my heros.
Roosevelt talks about victory as well.
Your victories may be small — a comment left, an email, someone saying hello when you feel invisible that day. The small victories are important. Even more important, you need to know when it is time to come back to the ring. Take the step into the action. You can do it.
For me, the stories are dribbling in. Sometimes, it feels like I’m dancing a salsa when it’s a waltz. I need to be patient when it comes to my health.
Regardless of whether I have victories or defeats, the journey will be interesting.
Because I refuse to “live in the gray twilight.”
